20 things I’ve learned about true love –
1. If you dread going home to the love of your life, they aren’t.
2. If you’d been happily married over ten years and people tell you, you’re lucky, it’s not luck – you’ve all worked your asses off to stay this happy.
3. Mind blowing sexual passions can last for decades, but you both have to want it, crave it, work at it.
4. Yes, I said you have to work at keeping passion alive in your long term relationships. Why does everyone think that they can work at their careers, their friendships, their family, their kids, their hobbies, but that great sex will just take care of itself? It doesn’t.
5. Find someone who is passionate about you in the bedroom and out of it.
6. Talk to each other, not just about the bills, or who’s driving the kids to soccer practice, or who picked up the dry cleaning, but about things that interest you. Bring your stories, your dreams, your goals, your fancies to each other always.
7. Get in shape together, or at least at the same time. Keep each other healthy. Or at least don’t sabotage each other.
8. Don’t go to bed angry.
9. Don’t be afraid to go to couple’s therapy.
10. Don’t be afraid to push each other outside your comfort zones, but remember to find enough comfort in your lives for you to all be happy.
11. If something is bothering you in the relationship talk about it early, before resentment builds up.
12. Remember that most big fights aren’t about the dirty clothes on the floor, the burnt dinner, the missed appointment, or whatever you think you’re fighting about. It’s about how it makes your partner, or you feel. The dirty sock on the floor can be the straw that broke the camel’s back, but it’s not the whole camel.
13. Schedule couple time regularly and make sure you both agree on what that time is used for, or take turns deciding.
14. Schedule alone time, remember each of you was a whole person before you found each other. Being in a relationship doesn’t change that.
15. Being in love should help you be more of who you are, a better, happier version of you. If you feel worse, sad, and miserable, then something has gone wrong.
16. There will be days when you’re sad, exhausted, overwhelmed, that’s normal. Being in love, even true love, doesn’t mean being happy every minute of every day. Only worry when the bad days out number the good for months. The good should out weigh the bad in a relationship, but it won’t get rid of all the bad stuff in your lives. This is true love, not a Disney Princess movie. (With apologies to both Frozen and Frozen 2.)
17. Remember to kiss and cuddle often. Both are proven mood boosters, and help keep our pair bond with our partners stronger. This is science people.
18. Try to find someone who’s level of skin hunger matches your own. Do not assume that the level of passion in the early days is normal for both of you. Discuss your expectations for passion and touching as the years go by. You’d be surprised at the number of people that assume passion will cool and that’s normal. If you both agree on that, great, but if only half of you agrees that’s a problem. I’m not just talking sex here, but literally the amount of touching, hand holding, kissing, physical affection in general.
19. You can grow together as a couple, or you can grow apart from each other. Choose wisely.
20. Remember that falling in love is the beginning of your story together, not the end.
8 thoughts on “20 things I’ve learned about true love –”
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Love your words. Happy Valentines Day!
So. So. True. And if you have to give up pieces of yourself to be in a relationship with someone, reassess. And always, ALWAYS communicate.
Love this! Happy Valentine’s Day!
Exactly how I feel. I’ve said half these things to my friends when they ask me how my wife and I have managed 18 years strong.
Amazing and very true. I have been married 15 years now and the love has grown, after we learned some of these very lessons!
So true and great advice. I lost my love not even a year ago and reading this reminded me of the advice he gave our second oldest on his wedding day. “True love is not fiction, its not a myth people make up, but it isn’t easy. It is something you work for each and every day, not one of you, but both of you must work for it and if you do it will be the greatest thing you ever have.” we had 13 amazing years that were cut short that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
As someone with 25 years under her belt…. You’ve hit the nail on the head 100%.
Yes, we feel lucky to have found each other, but it really isn’t luck that we are together, it’s work and determination. You have to put the effort in.
After 51 years of marriage and now both in our 70s , we are still in love but for various (mostly medical) reasons passion has mostly been replaced by warmly affectionate. It doesn’t mean we are less in love, but bodies done always follow what our hearts want. Kissing and lots of cuddling can be just as satisfying.