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I am at sea with the next step in the book. I was hoping that if I slept on it, I’d wake up and see my way clear, which does happen. But not this time. This time I woke up still puzzled. There are two ways to get past something like this: one, you bull your way through like a tactical team knocking down a door; two, you walk away from the desk, the book, all of it for a few hours or even a day. You let the book sort of cook on the back burner like simmering soup. Anyone who has made homemade soup knows that it’s not soup until it’s fully cooked, sometimes the subconscious needs simmer time, too. I’d forgotten the second method. I’d been under the deadline gun for so long that I’d been like a bull in the china shop, and forgotten that sometimes that method just doesn’t work. Sometimes all you get is frustration and broken dishes. Today I remembered that sometimes you need to walk away and let your mind rest. Even if you don’t come up with a brilliant solution, your mind is better rested when you go back to tackle the book. I mean if the gentle solution doesn’t work, you can always revert to something more forceful later. I let myself walk away for a little bit. Went to the wild bird store and the metaphysical shop. Came back feeling better, a little more relaxed. Jon asked me, “Did you enjoy yourself.” My reply, “Finally, yes.” He said, “Finally?” I nodded. He hugged me and said he loved me. If you don’t understand why he said he loved me at that moment than I’m not sure I can explain it. Jon and I love each other sometimes because of our faults, or we at least find them charming. We did lunch, went to the bookstore. And somewhere I just let it go, and relaxed into the concept that I would not work today. A hard concept for me, but I finally managed it. I invited my daughter to go on the last errand of the day but she was with a friend, and school will soon part them for the year, so she opted out. That was okay. I hadn’t been by myself anywhere for almost anything except work, and not for anything else that was supposed to be fun for months. Alone was okay today. In fact it was nice. I went to the coffee and tea shop and picked things out instead of sending someone with a list. I got teas and coffees that were new to try, as well as what I would have listed. It was nice. They asked after Richard, who used to be the one who went to the shop for me. Maybe I’ve farmed out too many things that I enjoyed to others. Maybe. Anyway, I feel refreshed, and have hopes that tomorrow I’ll either see my way clear, or be ready to play bull with this particular brick wall. Either way, the day off makes me feel better able to do it.