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Happy Valentine’s Day! Or as Jon and I toasted at lunch; Happy day we celebrate when St. Valentine was stoned, shot with arrows, then finally beheaded. How romantic, eh? Jon’s toast, “Happy day that Al Capone rubbed out his competition.” I guess everyone celebrates in their own special way.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to answer a special question from the board. One of the fans asked if Anita was multi-orgasmic because of the arduer? The answer is no, not because of the arduer. the arduer takes the place of a lot of good foreplay. The vast majority of women are capable of being multi-orgasmic. We’re designed to enjoy orgasm after orgasm, if the prep is good. Foreplay will make or break the whole multi-orgasm thing. What do I mean by good foreplay? Let me recommend some books. This also answers a research question that was asked. How do you research this sort of stuff?
Here are some books not exactly in order: SHE COMES FIRST by Ian Kerner, Ph. D. The book is about what it sounds like it’s about. It’s about female orgasm, emphasizing oral and clitoral stimulation. I had Jon read it, too, and we both liked it. Kerner has now put out a second book, called HE COMES SECOND. Haven’t read that one, yet, but I’m sure it will be as well researched as the last one.
QUIVERING JELLO, How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe curling, Orgasms by Sue “Sex with Sue” McGarvie. She has her own talk radio show about sex, and now she has a book. It’s a slim little volume, but well worth the read.
SATISFACTION: The Art of the Female Orgasm by Kim Cattrall and Mark Levinson. A lot of books out there show sexual positions, but this was the only one I found that had drawings that were designed so that the man and woman could see penis position inside the woman. Sex is not an automatically wonderful thing, and men are often just as lost as women as to what to do, and how to do it. Jon and I both agreed that the diagrams were very useful and would help a man reached that magic spot. I also found Ms. Cattrall and her husband, Mr. Levinson to be very courageous to talk so openly about their relationship, and her own earlier disappointments in other relationships.
One thing you need for these books to be helpful is a committed relationship. To get good at sex with someone, you have to know that person. Know their mind as well as their body. I’m told you can have good sex with a stranger ( I wouldn’t know, I don’t do strangers. You never know where they’ve been), but to practice until techniques are giving you amazing orgasms takes practice. Practice takes having the same person in your bed time after time, so that you know how their body reacts to this touch, that caress. Everyone is different, and anyone who says otherwise is be sleeping with the wrong people, or is not nearly as good at sex as they think they are.
Jon and I are very lucky to have found each other. We both see sex as a skill. Something you spend time and effort on, so you’ll get better at it. Neither of us is satisfied to simply achieve success in this arena, because there’s always something new to learn. I’ve had fans tell me that sex can’t be as good as what I’m writing. Sorry, but it can. (Okay not the whole glowing and magic lights that Merry gets, but the rest of it, yes.) With the right kind of foreplay and the right kind of attitude, it’s all doable. Now, every one’s body is different. How they react to certain simulations is different. These books will help you understand that we are all individuals, and just because you have the same parts doesn’t mean they all work exactly the same way.
Though one thing that you need in the bedroom, to get really good at sex, is a sense of humor. I don’t mean pointing and laughing, none of that. But you have to be willing to look silly, and not to be graceful at all to get good at some of this. You have to be willing to fall off the end of the bed, and know that the person still in the bed loves you anyway, and often loves you because you tried. If you don’t try, you can’t succeed. It’s my motto in damn near everything.