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I had heard the word cougar for an older woman who dated younger men, but I thought it meant in a predatory sort of way. An older woman who dated younger men in a casual, and potentially hurtful manner. I learned last night at the party that it’s now referring to any older woman who dates exclusively younger men.
Am I cougar? When my first marriage broke up, and I was suddenly dating after more than a decade of being off the shelf, I had no plans to date anyone too much younger than myself. But I found that the men in my age range had the same problems with me that we’d all had in college. I was too dominant, too interested in my own career, and, strangely, too successful. A lot of men within a few years of me either way were very intimidated by that last bit. Then, there were those men who thought my choice of writing was either too gross, or made them think it would make me more sexually available. That’s like the creepy guys who think that women who work vice, or sex crimes for the police are somehow more into what they work with; disturbing. I mean if I was a firefighter, you wouldn’t expect me to be an arsonist in my spare time.
There was also this expectiation in my age group and older that divorced meant I was easy. I am not easy in any sense of the word; any man I’ve ever dated will tell you this. When I was in college men didn’t expect sex for the price of dinner and a movie. Somehow in the decade and change I’d been out of the dating pool, they did. If I wanted to sell it, it would go for more than that, and if that’s what the man thought, I paid for my own damn dinner. Thanks, anyway.
But younger men, like seven, or more years younger, didn’t have the same problems with my job, my success, or my attitude. They also didn’t think that sex was an automatic just because I was divorced. I think it’s a generational difference. Men in my age bracket were still suffering under the delusion that once you’re down a man, you NEED one. To keep you from makng some horrible mistake, modern technology takes the edge off guys, get a grip on your creepy selves.
So, I guess, by definition, since I only successfuly dated men that much younger than myself after my divorce, and married a man who is twelve years younger than me; that yes, I am a cougar. Meow.