The Adventure of the Leather Dress

Part II of Highlights from our out of town visit, or, The Adventure of the Leather Dress:

First, I’m allergic to wool. Yes, that does mean that most of what my friend Wendi knits is “death” to me. She has to sanitize the house for me, but luckily my allergy to wool seems to be contact only. I must touch the stuff, so she just hides most of her yarny goodness in the other guest room and I have to not touch her current project. Though the plaid on the loom is actually cotton so it’s safe for me. Yay! What does my allergy to wool have to do with the adventure of the leather dress? Funny you should ask.

There is a restaurant near our friends that is fabulous. They took us on one of your last visits. It’s a Moroccan resturant and very authentic in it’s decor. I was sitting beside Wendi on the low seats and suddenly said, very early in the evening, “Why are my thighs itching?” Wendi turned to me with wide eyes and said in a horrified voice, “Wool! It’s all wool!” I stood up, because underneath my jeans was handwoven wool. It was everywhere, covering every surface that was sittable. This was a problem for me. I was itching through my jeans, not good.

Daven spotted the only non-wool in the place which was a leather ottoman, the real kind, low and wide and actually workable for sitting at the low table since I was as short as I am. Though, sitting close enough to eat from the big shared plates with my hands, which is how you’re supposed to eat everything, meant I had to hunch forward with my legs very wide. It was a very guy poise, and glad I was that I had not worn a dress. Though, Daven, discovered that a kilt has similar problems since we gave the nice, lady-like seats to our spouses. Now, Jon began the night beside Daven on the lower bench like area, but when I had to move we had to reshuffle and suddenly Jon was sitting with the Wendi, and Daven and I were very guy as we hunkered over the low table. Me, because I was sitting on a low stool, and him because at 6’ 3” and wearing a kilt, he had to hunker down so he didn’t flash. It’s much harder to be a gentleman in a kilt than it sounds sometimes. Jon has also discovered those moments. Since they were both wearing kilts it was just a matter of which of them had the problem, and since Jon was the guest as far as Daven was concerned it was only fair to take the hit. Good host.

The food was great, the belly dancer was lovely and since Wendi has a background in belly dancing she could tell us for a fact that the woman knew how to dance. It was all so good that Jon and I requested to go back to the restaurant, but we did puzzle about the wool. Would the handy leather footstool be available? The only other option would be me sitting on everyone’s lap alternately as their legs got tired. It’s at least a four hour meal since it’s seven courses. But as amusing as sitting in people’s laps would have been it was entirely too five-year-old for me. Couldn’t possibly.

Wendi came up with the solution, I should wear leather. That way the ottoman could be there, or not, I’d be my own protection. Problem, none of my leather covered enough of my legs. Most of my leather is fetish leather and it’s sort of designed not to give full coverage. At a fetish event, cool, as lingerie at home, very cool, as actual protection from itchy wool, not so good. So, I ordered a leather dress from North Bound Leather which is a place Jon and I have bought several things from in the past. I saw the dress as a reward for finishing the last hard deadline, and as Wendi said, “It’s pretty armor.” Indeed that was the idea.

Carri, my good friend and assistant, helped me order it on line, and here’s where the adventure begins. She got a notice that the dress was out of stock and it would take two weeks to get it made. I needed it that Saturday. She raised calm hell, and they agreed to see if they could rush it through since nowhere near where we ordered the dress did it say it was out of stock, or that it would take two weeks. If it had said that on the same page we would have ordered something else. It’s supposed to come on the day we leave, Carri gets a notice that it’s not going to make it. An call to Daven and he agrees that having the dress Fed-Exed to their house is the solution. All good, all fixed, so we thought. In the mean time the restaurant contacts Daven and tells them they’re full for Saturday could we move to Sunday, he moves the reservation, because Sunday gives the dress a better chance of actually arriving. Friday morning there was a knock on the door and the dress was delivered. Relieved, I actually only unpacked it so the wrinkles could unfold. I didn’t try it on because I wanted to enjoy having the dress, and I was now afraid to try it on. Something told me that the relief would be short-lived, and indeed, very short-lived.

Though, the dress had looked tight through bodice and like a whole dress on the website, in real life, not so much. It was an over-dress. What does that mean? It means the bodice barely covered both my breasts let alone held them in, one bend over that low table and I’d be waaay too up close and personal with the food. The bottom of the dress, even after both the inside and outside tie were tied, tight, opened to my crotch when I sat down. There was no way to hold the dress closed. I wore it downstairs because they wanted to see it and Daven makes leather kilts and skirts. If anyone could help fix it, it would be him, but he thought what I feared, no fixing that, at least not in time for the dinner. Crap. Part of the problem was that though it was a size that I’d bought before there, the bodice was not made for someone with my chest. We looked at the website together and discovered that the model wearing it wasn’t being held in place, but did not have natural breasts. The breasts probably would look just as high and tight and sort of squashed with nothing over them. Mine, being a-natural, didn’t work that way. Real breasts move, sometimes a lot, and you gotta be careful how tight the packaging is or you have moments of glorious embarrassment.

As luck would have it though, we were going to this great bra and lingerie shop that we visit every time we go down there. It’s one of the few stores that have pretty things in sizes that fit both Wendi and me. When you measure your cup size in triple “e” to “g” you need a specialty store. Wendi at 6’ 1”, and me at 5’ 3” have different issues once cup size is conquered. I’m 32 inches across the back and ribs which means finding that kind of cup size in that small width is a true challenge, but this store is up to that challenge. Now, though, I had more to shop for than just bras and panties. I needed an under-dress for the leather so I didn’t flash. Jon and I found a lovely black lace negligee, I guess it would be called. It worked perfectly under the leather dress and was long enough that it hit below the nearly ankle length dress so it suddenly looked like an outfit. I put black lace bra and undies with it so that everything helped camouflage everything else, knee high boots and my pretty armor was complete. Wendi helped continue the black lace theme with a lovely blouse under her velvet jacket, with the skirt and the boots, and her champagne blond hair atop her head we all agreed she looked like school mistress does bondage. Very fetching.

The night of the dinner and the back of me is covered in soft leather from shoulders to feet. Daven and Jon also opted for black jeans and left the kilts at home. We were all safe from embarrassment, at least from our clothes. It’s been my experience that life is full of embarrassing possibilities, all you can do is try to stay ahead of the obvious ones. Dan and Heather, good friends of Daven and Wendi, met us at the restaurant. We’ve met them several times now and find them delightful. May I add that Heather is almost exactly the same height as Wendi, which means of the six of us three of us are over six feet tall. Jon is 5’ 8” and Dan is a little taller, but not quite six feet. Regardless of how you slice the baklava, guess who was shortest person in our party? No, really, guess.

 

Highlights from our Getaway Part I

Jon and I went away for a long weekend, or a short week: five days. Either way, here are the highlights from that getaway:

First, I actually didn’t work while I was gone. I didn’t check e-mail, or twitter, or facebook, or myspace, or any other social network. I made two notes on the last day we were there, because they were new ideas. New ideas run away and escape if you do not write them down. This maybe the longest real vacation I’ve ever allowed myself. Is that frightening, impressive, or both?

We visited our friends Wendi and Daven. Yes, the same friends that I mention in the nonfiction piece at the end of Flirt, and that helped me get the inspiration for said book. It’s always a highlight to see our friends.

Wendi was participating in the Knitting Olympics. What is the Knitting Olympics? Several thousand people pick a personal knitting project that they begin on the day the Olympic torch is lit, and finish on the last day of the Olympics. That’s about two weeks to go from nothing to finished product. Since I’ve never been any good with this kind of homey craft I’m always impressed with other people who are good at it. What’s even more fun is that when we first met Wendi she was just starting out with her woolly, fuzzy, thready, hobby. To see how far she’s come in skill level in just a few short years is really impressive. She knitted a whole sweater, and not just any sweater, a complicated sweater. A complicated sweater that she had to steek on. What does that mean? You knit things as a whole, like the sleeves, and then you have to cut perfectly good knitting apart and hope that you don’t ruin it. It is a task worthy of either a stiff drink, or a lie down in a darkened room as you take scissors to weeks of work. The neckline had to be steeked, too. It all turned out blue and beautiufl with the design meeting up as if it had been manifactured by machine rather than human hands. Jon and I were both very impressed. The Knitting Olympics did mean that Wendi was knitting furiously the whole time we were there, but she warned us ahead of time, and we were both fascinated to watch the sweater grow like magic before our eyes. She’s also been knitting since we met her, until it would seem almost odd if Wendi didn’t have a knitting project underway.

I did fifty minutes on the treadmill. It’s a record since I have been recovering from my ankle injury. My goal is an hour and I’m almost there. Very happy me.

Jon and I got to watch Daven do reps with 415 pounds of weight and do two reps at 435.  Yeah, you read that right. The bar started to bend under the weight. He could have done more weight, but his goal, like ours, is no more injuries. So 435 was a good place to stop. Yes, it was impressive, and a little discouraging when I compare my own weight lifting. Yes, yes, I know that he’s a foot taller than I am and all that means in size, and he is a guy, but still . . . I felt pretty puny after watching that. I am also going to have to seriously up what I thought my lycanthropes in the books used for weight lifting in the gym. Damn.

Our band, Steampunk Moose Apocalypse, was offered it’s first gig. Okay, let me explain. Daven and Wendi get asked if they’re part of a band. Jon and I get asked that a lot, too. I think it’s partly that both men have very long hair, and that we all tend to wear leather, kick-ass boots, and just must look cool enough to be musicans. I don’t really know, but we get it a lot. So we jokingly decided we’d make up a fake band for ourselves. The full name of the band is Steampunk Moose Apocalypse Ahhh! But we’ve started dropping the Ahhh! it tends to startle people, and they look puzzled when we scream at them. We went to a Mexican resturant that our friends frequent and we like well enough to request it every time we’re visiting. We had another lovely dining experience and were in the parking lot heading for the car when the manager followed us out. Daven was bringing up the rear so when she called after him, “Are you a band?” He turned and the rest of us, hearing this, drifted back to see what new happy weirdness had found us all. We explained that, “No, we weren’t a band.” She said, what many have said before, “But you look like a band.” We never know what to say to that. She offered us a gig in her resturnat, if we were a band. She offered us a gig without knowing what kind of music we played, or if we were any good. I mean, if we had been a band, what if we sucked? But she went entirely on appearence. Apparently enough leather, New Rock boots, and tight jeans, and we just looked cool enough she was willing to take a chance. Even for the four of us it was an interesting moment. It’s a shame that none of us play an instrument.

Okay, that’s enough for one blog. I’ll continue highlights from the five day trip with, “The Adventure of the Leather Dress.”

 

Fever Dreams, Sex, and Zombies

The strange and more vivid dreams continue, my imagination playing in my head because it’s not getting to play on paper, but then I got a fever. The combination of my untapped imagination and a fever made for a very interesting night in dreamland. Cue the maniacal laughter now. Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

You know how with a fever sometimes you don’t sleep well? It’s a fitful, restless kind of sleep, so that you sometimes feel less rested the next day, and you usually have weird dreams with a fever, but . . . I dreamed about sex all night. Every situation, every conversation, every subconscious adventure had sexual overtones, or actual sex. I would wake up from one dream-scape and think, “Wow, that’s weird.” Then I’d change dreams, but the theme and the cast stayed pretty secure. I could see some of the issues I am currently working on as I try to be a healthier human being, but the out right sex as the tool for that working was a little disconcerting. I had moments in dream where I was doing something that made me uncomfortable enough that I broke the dream, and then slid right back into the same dream, but it wasn’t one of those nightmares that you can’t break free of, it was a good dream, but I kept waking myself up and each time I went back to this last dream it was a little more user friendly. I would wake, find Jon beside me, cuddle close to him, and then the last dream of the night would come back over me like a wave and I’d be right there. I got to see the clock at 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM, 3:30 AM, 4:00 AM, 4:30-ish AM, 5:00 AM. It was somewhere between 3:30 and 5:00-something that the last dream took me. Each reiteration rescripted itself so that each time my discomfort grew less, and the other people in the dream with me grew happier, too. Until the very last dream where the alarm went off at 6:00 AM was a nice, happy, exciting, titillating, experience.

I shared some of that relaxed happy with Jon sharing the dream with him, and letting the heat of that carry us both away. It was a great way to start the day, even if I was still feverish. Then Jon told me about his dreams that night. He’d dreamed that he and our friend, and assistant, Carri and he were “gentleman” adventurers hired to fight an evil scientist who was making an army of zombies in his underground hideout, and would destroy the world if not stopped. The zombies collapsed into mannequin like parts with one blow, or kick, so it was fun zombie slaying. Both he and Carri had super-wire-fu Kung-fu powers, also very fun. I got to be the heiress, the girl part, and look pretty and cheer them on. About the time my dreams were having a very happy “climax”, his dream was full of giant robot suits and the zombie fighting was in high gear.

Sex, zombies, giant robots, mad scientists, heroics, wire-fu, and sex. Just another night at the Hamilton-Green household.

 

Waking Dream

People ask me if I have vivid dreams or nightmares. Normally, the answer is no. I had a spat of nightmares a few weeks back, but I finally figured out what issue I was working subconsciously and once I dragged it out into the light of day I was able to work the issue rather than have it work me over. My dreams are usually about issues I’m working, or need to, or my spiritual practices. I’d forgotten that one of the side effects to not writing is that my dreams change. The other night I dreamed about fairies, as in the sidhe, mass graves, serial killers, magic, large construction equipment, and chickens. I have no idea why the chickens, but for the rest it’s my subconscious blooming to more vibrant life during the night since I’m not working it so hard during the day.

I had a hypno-therapist try to help cure me of my fear of flying a few years back. She did an interesting technique and it seemed worth a try. Unfortunately she and I had a serious communication break-down, or rather she didn’t share one crucial piece of information. The idea was that the hard work would happen while I was asleep and I should wake refreshed and less afraid until gradually the fear would go away completely. Nice theory. In reality I woke the next day anxious and so jumpy I could barely function. Instead of just being afraid of being on a plane I seemed nervous about my everyday life. Not a good trade. I called her up and got an emergency appointment.

When she heard what had happened, she told me, “I’ve had this problem with a few other artists and writers.”

“What problem?” I asked.

“Some writers use their subconscious when they’re awake and working. They seem able to use parts of the mind that most people never access while waking, and since that’s the part of the mind that was supposed to be working on your phobia, it means you’re working your fears while you’re awake.”

“That seems like a bad idea,” I said.

She agreed, and undid her subliminal suggestion. I’d always suspected that I was more in touch with my subconscious than most people, but this was confirmation of it. Apparently, I write with the same part of my brain that most people only access during a dream state. I go through my daily life with that part of my mind front and center with my consciousness. Weird, and cool, all at the same time. I thought it was particularly interesting that the therapist said that she’d had the same problem with some writers and artists, but not many even of them. Most people just don’t use their subconscious that directly while they’re awake.

I know for a fact that once my dream life was much closer to normal. It was vivid and full of imagery of the day, and of what I was thinking about. So something about the process of writing for so long and so much has actually changed how I dream and how my subconscious communicates with the rest of me. I hadn’t realized how big a difference it made until this break between final draft and copy edits, and my dreams almost immediately changing and becoming more, well, dreamlike. Maybe this is why I don’t understand why other people ask, where do I get my ideas? If I walk around in what amounts to almost a conscious dreamstate then my mind is a fertile well soaking everything up and throwing it into the subconscious/conscious mix. It’s why I don’t have to do much to get into the mood to write. It’s probably why I don’t have to do much to get into a meditative state either. It probably also explains why I work therapy issues so quickly that I’ve had therapists be caught off guard. I’m pretty much always in a receptive, highly imaginative state, anytime I’m awake. My dreams are actually less vivid than my writing when I’m writing enough to keep ahead of my muse and me. I’m beginning to think of it as a pressure valve, any time I stop writing for even a couple of days the pressure begins to build and my dreams change because my ideas have gone underground to that subterranean river that runs through most people’s minds. But if I’m writing enough pages, having enough ideas, then the river runs almost on the surface with all my other thoughts. Maybe this explains why a few days of not writing makes me so anxious, I’m not used to half my head being hidden away in the dark somewhere, I’m used to my thoughts, ideas, inspiration playing in the sunshine together.

 

What I Really Wanted for my Birthday

My birthday was Friday. I’m not a big one for celebrating birthdays. I don’t even usually take the day off, but this year found me exhausted from the fourth book deadline in a row that had kicked my ass. I needed a day off and it turned out to be my birthday, very serendipitous. People asked me what I wanted for presents, and for the first time I realized that nothing I really, truly wanted could come in a box with bows and wrapping paper. What did I really want as a present?

I wanted some time where I wasn’t at my desk working. I was able to take Friday through Sunday off, this weekend, so that’s the first present. Present number two is . . . A month and a half where I’ve only been able to do partial workouts or had to give up the gym all together, combined with eating convenient crap has put some of the inches back on that I worked so hard to take off. It’s also redistributed the weight so things aren’t as comfortable. One of the reasons I hate that people concentrate just on their weight on a scale is that the number on the scale doesn’t actually reflect how fit the body is, or is not. I’ve weighed this much when I was hitting the weight room heavier and it’s all looked trim and firm. The same weight without the exercise and it’s not so trim and firm. So the second thing I wanted was to get back to the gym and get back to the shape I was in, and to get to that next level of fitness that has been my goal from the beginning. It’s typical of me that I try for this difficult fitness goal in the middle of the worst deadlines I’ve had in awhile. *shrug* But I’ve discovered that the exercise helps me make my deadlines with more energy and a better mental and emotional attitude, so it actually turned into excellent timing, besides if I keep waiting for my schedule to get better I’ll never see the gym. So I went to the gym on my birthday. It was an abbreviated workout because Trinity, my daughter, had a recital that night, but just getting to the gym at all was a triumph for the day. I also went to the gym yesterday. If I hit it again today then I’ll have made my three sessions this week. Goal is three to four visits a week to the gym.

So time off, and exercise, was two presents down. Jon, my husband, took care of a third present. Yes, it is what you think it is, but again not something you can buy from the store. Even the meal out for my birthday which we did last night was about going to a favorite restaurant with family and friends and enjoying the night. Again, you can’t put all that into a box. I got some great presents, don’t get me wrong. Got some DVDs I’ve been wanting, flowers, framed original art, and birthday phone calls from distant friends. Oh, and cards, I love cards, and my friends and family know that.

I find it interesting that two out of the three presents I most wanted are things I have to give myself. I have to find time away to refresh and revitalize my muse and me. I have to decide I want that fitter, healthier, body enough to work for it. Admittedly my work out partner and good friend, Carri, is committed to the gym, too, and that helps me stick to it. As for Jon and I, and that other present, even that comes out of the day in, day out, of being a couple and trying to make sure I give him what he needs out of our relationship. A marriage is like a bank the more you put into it, the more interest you get out of it, if you’re married to someone who understands that you both put into the account, and both take out of it, and that the system falls apart completely if only one half of the couple does all the putting in, and the other half all the taking out. It’s a join account or eventually one half of the couple will be writing checks and there will be no emotional or physical “money” left to cover what you need, or want. Jon let me know that I’d been putting in my time, energy, and love this year. One precaution on the whole putting things into the relationship bank, each half of the couple has to put into it what the other half considers good stuff. Example, if the wife wants some help around the house but you buy her flowers, she’ll like the flowers, but she’d rather have the dishes done. Another couple, the spouse could really want the flowers, and be content with the division of housework. You’ve got to know your audience, and give ‘em what they need and want. I know of almost no successful couples who have cleared five years or more of a relationship that want the exact same things from each other, or from the relationship. It’s all about finding out what makes you both happy and both doing your best to make that happen.

As a bonus Trinity and I got to do some serious mother, daughter bonding this morning. She loves the musical Mama Mia! and I love my kid. She is the only person on the planet that could get me to dance around the living room to “Dancing Queen” and doing the chirography with the movie. But again, moments like that can’t be ordered on-line, or wrapped in bows, you’ve just got to be paying attention with the chance comes and make the most out of it. I try to do that every day of the year, not just my birthday.

 

Flirt on The List & the Lists

Flirt will be #3 on the New York Times list week of February 21st. Yay!

We are currently #5 at Borders.

#6 at Barnes and Noble.

#7 on Bookscan.

#11 USA Today.

Thanks to everyone who bought a copy of Flirt. Glad so many of you have enjoyed Anita’s extra adventure for the year. Thanks also to everyone who’s let me know that the nonfiction piece in the back of the book has been useful or insightful. How do I get my ideas is one of the questions people ask the most of a writer. I did my best to answer it this time. And yes, Jennie Breeden’s comics in the back of Flirt, are fun.

Now if I could just finish that one last scene of the book I’m writing now, I could really enjoy Flirt’s success. And yes, I do plan to do something special for my birthday this week. But deadline first, celebration second.

 

The Deadline that would not Die

I’m still working at the first of two scenes I need to finish for Bullet. I’ve done seven pages, but it’s still just set up. I’m now at the meat of the scene and I don’t want to do it. Three days off between the last big push and now just don’t seem to be enough to refresh me and my muse. We’re still tired. Dusk falls around me as I try to write, and I feel punished.

Trinity was looking forward to some mother/daughter time, and so was I. She went with Grandma and Grandpa to see the movie, “The Lightning Thief,” and I felt punished because I couldn’t go. A couple of people urged me to go anyway, but I knew that tomorrow when I get up I’d rather have this scene done than have seen any movie. To wake up with this scene still hanging over me would indeed be self-punishing behavior. I’m about fifteen minutes out from dinner being ready and then Carri and I are going for the gym. This book deadline has eaten my gym schedule. At first we just cut it a little short so we could get me back to my desk sooner. Then we started missing days all together. But after a month of cutting the workout short we’re able to tell that we have not been working out. My mood is worse, and every injury I have aches more. I am also gaining serious inches in places I don’t want to gain them. I’m at a weight that when I work out is fine, but without working out the weight spreads itself differently and my jeans and I are no longer comfortable as friends. I still fit in everything, but if I don’t do something soon that will change. So must do gym tonight, but . . . must finish scene. For a month and two weeks I’ve chosen the scene, the book, over the gym or much of anything else, but I can’t keep doing that. That kind of thinking is how I gained the fifty pounds I had to lose a few years back. My deadlines are going to suck, but I can’t let them suck my life, my health, and my sanity.

I am going to do something girlie with my daughter this weekend. I am going to the shooting range with Jon this week. I am going to have lunch with girlfriends next week. I finished reading the true crime book, and now I have a new novel by the couch waiting for me to read it. I am going to start reading the piles and piles of to-be-read books that I keep never getting to. I am going to stay with the exercise and keep feeling better. If my deadlines are not going to get better, then I must reclaim my life and still make the deadlines. Am I the only one who hears the theme from “Mission Impossible”, or is it the theme from “Jaws”?

 

No Little Lost Lamb, because the Wolf is coming Back for another Bite

I usually do this Little Lost Lamb thing when a book is done. I wander from room to room at a loss. I don’t know what to do with myself. I wander into Jon’s office and bother him, then wander out to other parts of the house and bother everyone a little. I’m like this gloomy little cloud of, “What do I do now?” I’ve been working so long and so hard on a book and suddenly it’s done it’s as if my brain and body can’t figure out how to do anything else. I have to decompress and go through this near depression for a couple of days. One of the ways I used to avoid it was to have another book that I could fall into immediately. It was like those people who rebound from one romance to another because they don’t want to be out of love. But for the very first time ever I sent a book off to New York and felt nothing but relief. It’s done! Yay! The relief bordered on hysteria I was so glad not to be trapped in my office until 2 to 3 AM for another night. But I’ve had bad deadlines before, I figured I had a day of relief and then I’d do my usual Little Lost Lamb routine.

Friday came and I was still happy to be done. I got a true crime book that I’d been trying to read in pieces for weeks and just started really reading it. Jon and I took a two hour nap, which we never do, so that I could be fresh for an on-line interview I did for Bitten by Books. Got up, did the live chat which was very confusing. Website kicked me off twice. I thought I’m just tired. I was tired. I went to my office to get something, and I was filled with an emotion bordering on repugnance at entering my lovely office. That let me know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was not ready to go back to work. I didn’t have to, and I wasn’t going to, but usually I feel guilty about it. That puritanical work ethic cracking the whip and driving me to either work or feel bad about not working. But that whip had cracked a few too many times over my back in the last few weeks. It just didn’t have the sting that it normally does. I had earned this rest by any criteria imaginable. I had driven myself to a point where not working was a blessed relief.

Saturday Jon and I spent mostly on the couch cuddling. Him fidgeting on his laptop. Me continuing to read the true crime book I’d started. He’d share funny or interesting things on the computer and I’d read out interesting, amusing, or just odd things from the book. We started catching up on the three to four weeks of Tivo shows that we hadn’t watched. NICIS, NICIS L. A., Leverage, CSI, Dirty Jobs, Burn Notice, Psych, and on DVD Criminal Minds. We are now downloading the new season of Criminal Minds. We didn’t watch all that on Saturday, but some, and some today which is Sunday. We still have hours of the shows left to view. But Saturday we mostly reading both book and electronically. I answered a few emails, but made the mistake of opening a business related email and immediately closed it. I wasn’t ready to make any decisions, because my overwhelming feelings were all negative. If anyone pressed for an answer yesterday it would be, no. Almost no matter what the question happened to be. I was just so done. I needed a weekend completely off.

It was the laziest, most non-work day I’d had in months, maybe years. Jon and I are debating that one. But either way I needed it, and so did Jon. We needed not to be working, not to have me working, and to remind ourselves how much we enjoy each other’s company. As a couple, especially with children, sometimes you forget what you have in common other than family. Trinity, our daughter, was with her father this weekend, so it was just us. For Jon and me it’s not just family stuff, but also the work since he works with me and for me , so that sometimes we need to be reminded that we were friends long before we were anything more. This weekend has reminded us of that. I feel like I’ve been able to let out a breath I’ve been holding for about a year. Some tension has slipped away that I hadn’t known I was holding so very tightly.

I have not done the Little Lost Lamb thing, not once. I don’t feel bereft of the book. I feel free of it. I have needed a weekend where we were totally free of work. But as evening drew near this Sunday I started to get restless. I’m not bemoaning the book not being here, at all, but I am beginning to feel that itchy, I need-to-do-something feeling. Tomorrow Carri and I will hit the gym and that will help. I’ll mediate tomorrow and that will help. But maybe one of the reasons I haven’t felt at a loss for something to do is the fact that I know starting Monday I’m back at it. For the first time ever I sent a book with two scenes not complete. I outlined what happened, did the beginning and end of the scenes, and just skipped them, because that would have been two extra days that my deadline didn’t have. I talked it over with my editor ahead of time, and she was fine with it. One scene was too emotionally charged and I was too drained to do it well. The other scene was me just being too tired to do it justice. Monday I get to write one of those scenes. Tuesday I get to write the other. Sometime next week or the week after copy-edits will be here and I will have to go over them line by line. Maybe one of the reasons I didn’t feel like a lamb lost in the hills was I knew the wolf was coming back for another bite. So tomorrow we begin the final run of Bullet. Finished isn’t finished until the book has come back from New York for copy-edits and then page proofs. So when I get to type the words, The End, on the final page it’s not really the end for me as a writer. My job only really ends when you hold the book in your hands and there’s no way for me to polish or change another word. In June when you can actually read Bullet for yourselves then it will truly be done.

 

Bullet is Done

Woke up this morning with a mash-up of songs in my head. Pink’s “Sober” & Godsmack’s “Serenity”. Surprisingly good mix. Pink’s album Funhouse and Godsmack’s three albums were what I finished Bullet to, so they will be the songs stuck in my head for awhile. I’ve learned that the soundtrack for an intense book continues to be my soundtrack in my head for a time. But I don’t usually listen to two such different kinds of music intermixed. I think that explains the mash-up.

I finished Bullet, the next Anita Blake novel, last night at around six something. Which meant that Jon and I got to go to bed at a regular and wonderfully earlier hour compared to the past few weeks. Carri was able to go home with her wife instead of doing the good assistant thing and making me endless cups of tea all night. It was very good to be done.

For those who have asked, Bullet comes out in June of this year. Why do you guys think I’ve been killing myself for this deadline? If the book was coming out next year I’d have leisurely months ahead of me, but nope, June 2010 is the pub date. So for the first time in over a decade you guys get two Anita books in the same year. The last time the books were six months apart was, I believe, Guilty Pleasures and The Laughing Corpse, or that and Circus of the Damned. But those were so close together because my publisher and I both felt that to build an audience for a series quicker out was better, and I’d written the first book, Guilty Pleasures years before it hit the shelves, years before it sold, so I only had to write The Laughing Corpse to make it seem like I was writing so quickly. Also the books were shorter back then averaging about 400 manuscript pages. I remember the first time I hit 500 pages and some change, I think that was book five, Bloody Bones. I remember thinking wow that’s a long book. I have since then hit 1000 pages for a book. I think the first to hit that was Obsidian Butterfly, book 9 of Anita. The first Merry Gentry novel, A Kiss of Shadows, was over 700 pages in manuscript.

Several of you have said you loved, Flirt, the current book, but it was like flirting because it was so much shorter than an average novel. You’ve also said that my updates on Twitter are like flirting or teasing. I guess I really, truly, finally, have learned how to flirt in so many ways.

Bullet is around 700 manuscript pages, but when I say manuscript pages that may have a lot, or almost nothing to do with the eventual page count. It depends on type set, font size, page layout, and a host of other things. It is rarely a one page per from manuscript to finished book.

Jon, Carri, and I went to breakfast at IHOP which has become our tradition after a big project is sent off to New York. But we’ve all been trying to eat more healthy and found that sweet pancakes really didn’t hit the spot. We decided we need to come up with a new tradition for next time. Jon and I came back and took a two hour nap which isn’t part of the tradition, but we were exhausted. Found out that Carri even laid down and took a brief nap while we were tucked away. Bullet has been a difficult book. We’ve all come out of it exhausted. Me from the writing and Jon and Carri from being support staff for me while I burned the midnight oil, hell, burned the predawn oil. Hard book.

I’m happy with the book, and it’s certainly got a lot of things in it that you, the fans, have been asking about for awhile. We get to see Monica Vespucci and her son, Matthew, on stage. Yes, the baby she was pregnant with in book six, The Killing Dance. Since that’s in chapter one I don’t feel like I’m giving to much away. We see a lot of Jean-Claude on stage. A lot of Richard on stage and he was more fun to write than he has been in ages. Asher gets some very nice screen time. Micah and Nathaniel get some really good scenes with Anita. Jason gets that visit from J. J. who we last saw in Blood Noir. Even Stephen and Gregory, and Stephen’s live-in girlfriend Vivian get some good scenes. Okay, Gregory gets on stage but Stephen and Vivian has some good scenes. If they were real life actors they’d be happy with the script and the character growth. Yes, we have Damian on stage. Claudia gets to demonstrate that size matters in a fight and she’s got the size. More wererats, werelions, weretigers, and vampires, vampires, vampires. There were a lot of furry and vampy politics for this book.

I am very much looking forward to not working on any book for awhile. My muse and I are both tired and need to find things that refuel us both.

 

I slept last Night

I did not finish Bullet last night. I made the executive decision that I, my husband, Jonathon, and my friend and assistant, Carri, could not all go on three hours or less sleep two days running. I’d sent Carri to nap so that she could take the late shift from Jonathon. Good idea, as far as it went. But I went back to my computer and stared blankly at the screen for at least twenty minutes. I knew exactly what happened next I was simply was too tired to write it.

I sat at my desk with the banks of windows on either side and darkness fell around me. As the light faded around me I felt despair descend. True, and utter despair. I’ve felt despair before over the death of loved ones, or illness, or injury, or, some political happening, or some horrible natural or manmade disaster, but I sat there last night and felt it because I was still at work as it got dark. Usually I love to still be eager and working at my desk that late. It means the book is going well, but yesterday it wasn’t about the book going well. Yesterday and all the days before this for weeks now, it’s been about the deadline. If Bullet is to make its June publication date then the deadline cannot move anymore than it already has, that’s just the truth. There is only so much flexibility in a pub schedule and mine is used up.

I sat there last night and my head went so ugly. Thoughts, feelings, everything just went to the very bad place. I know that place isn’t real. It’s a place of lies. The lies that tell you everything you’ve been doing is pointless and you’ll never be done, and other irrational falsehoods. I know they’re irrational. I know they’re not true, but when my head goes to that very bad place they sound true. Normally, I can tell myself positive truths to combat the dark thoughts, but last night I was all out of bright and happy. When I realized just how dark my mood had gotten I let Jonathon and Carri know that I was calling it for the night. We were all dangerously tired. If I kept pushing us all like this we’d be sick, or just fall into the pit of despair. Oh, but wait, I was already there. No, not true, I was teetering on the brink though, and I wanted to put a stop to it before I fell in for real.

I had offered to let the two of them sleep while I labored on, but they wouldn’t. They won’t leave me alone to fight into the darkness. It was actually the thought that they would stay up, too, and not rest that decided me. I might risk myself, but when others suffer, too, I’m more likely to make wise decisions. Abusing myself seems more okay than pushing everyone this hard.

Sleep was a wonderful thing. Seven and a half hours sleep was soooo much better than three or less which has been average for weeks. Okay, four or less, but still it adds up, or subtracts from everyone’s stamina. So refreshed I came to my office and found that my computers had updated. I was going to let them do it after I finished this book, honest, but over night they’d decided to do it with, or without, permission. I’ve been hitting no, don’t update, for days. So I couldn’t go straight to work because of course the updates are causing problems. Could we please go back to the age of the computer dinosaurs when people actually got the bugs out of things before they made their customers use them. But now everything is up and running. I will post this, put the link up to various places and God willing I will finish the book today. Even typing that makes me feel more tired. When this book is done I have promised myself some down time, and this time I plan to keep that promise. Well, at least I won’t be writing another book right away. My idea of downtime is often to do something totally different creatively, but whatever refreshes me is the goal.