Creative Emptiness
I’ve been running on empty so long, I don’t know how to refill my tank. Usually when I don’t write for even a few days my dreams turn to violent nightmares and my inner demons and ghosts drive me back to my computer to put it on the page. This time, my inner world is quiet. I feel more peaceful and relaxed than I have in years. I realize now that I never recovered creatively, mentally, emotionally, or even physically from researching and writing, Crimson Death which came out in 2016. I tried to write a Merry Gentry book afterwards, but hundreds of pages in, it fell apart. I thought, well maybe I’m not ready to write Merry yet, so I set it aside. It was the most pages accumulated on any book I’d written where I abondoned it in place. (I will get back to it, but with a different plot. Trust me the darkness of what I’d written – no, just no. Merry, Doyle, Frost, and the babies deserve better than that.) So, I turned to Anita, because she’s always written faster for me than Merry. I had and have dozens of Anita ideas, but even there it was slower than normal. I finally had to admit that I was drained, and that some books take longer recover periods than others, and Crimson Death was one of those. I think it didn’t help that the last Merry book, A Shiver of Light, had left me, and my fans feeling pretty traumatized, too. The Anita Blake novel, Dead Ice, was next written and published, but it, thankfully, wasn’t as hard on all of us. Crimson Death wasn’t traumatic in the same way as A Shiver of Light, but it was almost three times as long as a typical novel. That is a lot of pages to write in a deadline space meant for a book a third of its size. And as my usual I didn’t allow myself time to rest between books, though honestly if I’m to do two books a year, there is no time to rest between, even if I’m doing one book a year if its the page count of two books or more, then again, there’s no time to rest if I’m to meet my deadlines. Which leads me to why the book I just turned into New York will be out in 2018, so both my new editor and myself have more time. Time, the one thing that we cannot create more of, and the thing that so many of us give away the most freely. Its been so long since I had this kind of time to rest and regain myself between writing projects that I don’t know what to do. I don’t remember what I used to do to refill my creative tank. Right now my muse and I want to hibernate for awhile. I feel like I could sleep for days, and yet I’m already restless and fighting not to grow anxious.
I’m feel like a castaway that’s washed up on an island after fighting through a storm of waves and tides. I’m wanting to sit under the shade of the palm trees, but currently feel like I’m still crawling my way out of the surf and skinning my hands and knees on the sand and seashells, as I try not to be swept back out to sea. Eventually, I’ll have to swim back out and find my ship of words again. I’ll need to find my star and use it to steer towards a new horizon, a new story, a new novel, a new world perhaps, but for now I just want to find a place to rest and let myself be happy that I made it to shore.
13 thoughts on “Creative Emptiness”
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Laurel, you have given so much of yourself in your books – praying that you and your muse can find the peace to refuel ! Rest, relax – go on a trip to the mountains or ocean – wherever you can to rest and reset!
With every passing year I find I am starting to not be as good as I once was at the things I found so simple. I see people I idolized growing up seeming to leave this world a few a yr at growing speeds and I realized I am becoming a true adult even if both my feet are dragging. As one of my idols I try to read all your posts that read introspective and see what knowledge I can take with me, I won’t say hearing you take time off is going to go make me do it too, Just knowing you realize your inner demons need to be appeased before true rest can be had is so down to earth and refreshing it let’s me feel like someone else feels somewhat like me and I dont judge me quite so hard. So long story short, be you be bold be beautiful and be safe because we love every word you write and if your not with the right juju then any words you give us won’t sound as sweet and we value you too much to ever make you feel like your best ever needed to be rushed. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. Rest easy.
First a thank you! I receive so much pleasure reading your books. I luv getting lost in your worlds. Second, I pray you find some peace. Facing nightmares breaks us down to searching for answers that like to hide inside us, it is hard and taxing. May you find your peace, rest, and know you are loved by many who are praying for you.
I don’t write novels, but I do review CDs and occasionally write articles about music. I find that I have to be in the right mood to write and that it’s usually a waste of time to write when I’m not in that mood. Also, I find it much easier to write when I have a good idea of what I want to say. Sometimes, I have to mull things over for weeks before I get to that point. When I’m there, everything seems to flow smoothly out of my keyboard.
Even great women as yourself evolve 🙂 enlightenment is a path we must travel, rest, recoup, learn a new hobby if you don’t remember what you once did. The words will come back, or they won’t. I’ll always feel like I know a piece of you through Anita and Merry. I found my way with Anita, I’ve grown spiritually with the words between the lines that you write. I?u!
I love your writing, I always have- and I have a tremendous respect for the woman who gives so very much of herself to her works. It is wonderful to recognize your temporary restrictions, your exhaustion, and honor your well-being and health by slowing down.
It is a very courageous act to do so.
We will all be waiting patiently for when you release whatever it is that comes next.
Be well, be happy.
Blessed be.
<3
Thank you Laurel for your gifts to your avid reader fans.
Your books should be an outlet for your creativity … not your life. You do need a big rest. Maybe write a children’s story or a HEA romance or a talking dog! She’d the darkness for awhile. Love you … take good care of yourself.
Thank you for your writing. This in particular speaks to my soul. I have been in a rut for several years and haven’t given myself time to do anything creative. My life has been work, school and then finding my job in a new field. My passion of baking and decorating cakes and cookies has been pushed to the side. I feel like I have been in a creative black hole for the last few years and your words have made me realize that I keep trying to move forward rather than rest once in a while.
I hope you find your refueling station soon! My best wishes to you and your family.
You do need to take time for yourself, your life, and your joy. I respect and am, delighted to hear that you are doing that. Not,only will it mean a better book for us to read, but it will also let you relax and not burn yourself up as an author. I love your writing so much that I would be devastated if you just one day couldn’t any,more because you,let us or your inner or anyone push you too far. Stay happy and make art as you always do. With love~M.E.W.~
Laurel, You need to re-charge and rest. The only way to do that is completely change what you see day to day. Since you don’t like to fly how about a car trip with no destination planned. Pack some clothes, grap your husband and lovers get in the car, flip a coin North, South, East or West and drive. Stop when you see something interesting (even if its “The largest ball of String”) and just enjoy life in the small things. I personally like to visit National Parks because it makes me remember that I am just a small piece of nature and to see the beauty of the world that has been here before me and will be there long after I am gone. As you travel talk to everyday people – your waitress, the guy filling up the car beside you, ect. Soon you will find you are filled and re-charged.
You are an amazing writer. The fact that you and your muse have been able to put out the volume of works that you have, while still having them be top quality is mind blowing. Your books are inspiring, I’m always lending copies to friends that I feel need to be inspired to live their own lives and do what feels right for them. My first thought when you said you were exhausted was go to water, any body of water and just soak in nature. Second thought was maybe do something creative with you hands (painting, pottery, woodworking, gardening, whatever) just something to keep your mind at entertained/occupied. Well, love your writing and may your break be full of joy because you have more than earned it.
Laurell,
First I want say, “Thank You”. Your books have kept me coming back for more. I really can’t say how many times I have reread your books. As an everyday worker Bee, I get getting burned out. It’s not a bad thing to take time to see the sunrise or set while you just breathe. It’s seriously the best way to find yourself again. When the times right you’ll know it. In the meantime all of will keep you in our prayers and thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your talent and time with the World!!!