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No pages at all yesterday. Merry and I are both dreading this scene. She wants the same deal I made Anita after GUILTY PLEASURES. I promised her after we lost you-know-who in that book that I wouldn’t kill off anyone else she loved again. I didn’t use the name of the person who doesn’t make it because more and more people are starting at the other end of the series, so not everyone has read GUILTY PLEASURES. It’s getting harder and harder to give talks at public events, too. Spoilers, spoilers everywhere. Early in the series, I think book five was out, or maybe book. Yeah, either BURNT OFFERINGS or THE KILLING DANCE was new, or maybe it was as far as BLUE MOON. Okay, I don’t remember, but we were in San Francisco, that I remember. Anyway, the crowd wanted to ask questions about the new book, and one of the men in the audience said, “No, I haven’t finished THE LUNATIC CAFE, yet.” He hadn’t finished book four, and they were asking questions about book eight. It was book eight, BLUE MOOON, because it was Richard questions. The gentleman in the crowd didn’t want any spoilers. I was okay with that. The crowd offered to shut him in a closet. I vetoed that. We compromised. I answered questions and he put his hands over his ears and hummed loudly. I’m not kidding. Real life is weird enough I don’t need to make this crap up.
But I promised Anita that if she truly cared about someone they’d survive. I know why I made the promise to her; my mother’s death when I was six. To say it scarred me is an understatement. So I promised Anita something I cannot promise myself. How was I to know that she would fall in love with so bloody many men? I was planning on monogamy for her when I made the promise. Who knows, maybe her interest in so many of the other characters is my subconscious’s way of keeping everyone safe? Maybe. But Merry is pressing for the same promise. I don’t think I can give it. I fear for some of the men in this, the last few scenes. She’s fighting me, and I can’t argue with her. I feel that it is wrong, if I can stop it, if I can save them all, why not? Why not?
A woman at the St. Louis signing for MICAH asked when I was going to kill someone off in one of the series. She didn’t care who, just someone. She felt that the characters weren’t in true jeopardy anymore. I’d been wondering the same thing myself for a little while. But who would I sacrifice to make my fictional world more believable? No one. I hold them all precious. Admittedly, eventually, Cel is going to have to die in the Merry series. I just don’t see her as every being safe while he lives. But that’s books away, and I don’t care about Cel, not in that way. If Merry’s series is not ‘real’ enough for some of the readers is that a good enough reason to pick someone to kill off? No. But what I fear is that the plot itself, of its own weight, is leading us to the loss. It’s that fear that keeps Merry reluctant, and my feelings of guilt that help her win the argument. Can we get through this last scene with everyone intact, and should we? I don’t know anymore; I just don’t know.