Emotional distance, Jason’s story, and morning tea

May 23, 2005

Waiting for tea to boil before I go up stairs. Must have more tea. I’m running a low grade fever and have been for a day or so. I thought I was simply depressed and finally getting weepy about my grandmother’s death. Nope, fever. I was sick. I was actually a little relieved. First, it meant I could finally give up and lay on the couch covered in dogs, watch some videos and veg, rather than trying to force myself to keep working when nothing was coming. When you’re relieved that your sick so you can give yourself permission to rest, it means I need a vacation. But I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
Where Jon and I want to go is England, but the thought of putting my phobic little behind on a plane for that long right now, is just not doable. I’m holding it together with the whole grieving process. Worked through the sheer being pissed part, or as much as I ever work through anger. I tend to hold onto anger. I’m learning to let go, but not my best thing. But as I peel away the layers of all that confusing emotion, it’s hard. And that’s all I’ll say about that. I know there are blogs out there that just spill their emotional guts, but if that’s what you want, look elsewhere. If you want to see how ugly my mind gets read one of my books. My personal stuff is personal. Or as personal as being a semi-public figure can let it be.
On the upside to all this emotional confusion I’ve come up with a book idea with an emphasis on Jason. I’d original thought it would be one of the novel-lites, ideas that didn’t fit into the main books, but were things I wanted to write. The novel-lites seem perfect for things like Sunday dinner with Richard’s folks, or a holiday for Nathaniel like he never had as a child. But Jason, the character, had a point. He has been around longer than some of the main guys, like Micah and Nathaniel. Jason didn’t want a novel-lite; he wanted a novel. A novel for him. Who am I to argue when a character comes to life like that? We’ll get to see Jason’s family, and just making notes for it let me know more about where he came from than I’d ever known before. The novel-lites seem to have freed me up to explore some of the characters in new ways. Always good thirteen books into a series. By the way, guys, do not get on the inter net and say that I’m doing a book from Jason’s point of view. I am not. But as Obsidian Butterfly was Edward’s book, so this one will be Jason’s. Anita will go out of town with him on his family business. And it will go horribly wrong, or it would be a novel-lite and not a novel.
The Jason book will either be Anita 14, or taking Anita home to meet her family for thanksgiving will be 14, and Jason maybe 15 or 16. Some things that will be happening in the current book, Danse Macabre will help decide how close I want to put Anita’s family visit to this book. I’d planned on going home to see Anita’s family for the first time in book 14, but with my grandmother’s recent death, it may raise too many issues for me. Anita’s family and mine are not the same, but Anita’s emotions can impact mine, and vice versa. I don’t want my grief getting in the way of her meeting her family on stage for the first time. So maybe go meet Jason’s family, give Anita and me a little emotional distance. Right now a little emotional distance sounds pretty good.