Fear, Bravery, and the Pikes Peak Writers Conference

Nov 25, 2018

This is a blog about things I haven’t spoken of publicly before. Things that I was advised not to share ever, but sometimes not talking about something makes it grow larger until you can’t work around it. I’d been meaning to write this blog and post the attached video for a year, but I just kept putting it off, and then a woman on Twitter posted about her experience. She thought she was a coward, but bravery only exists in the face of fear, and her bravery helped me find my own. She shared her experience with a very creepy man that had verbally assaulted her in her own home. He never touched her, no bruises to show, just horrible sexual language that he had no right to say to her. She was trying to explain to some men that a woman doesn’t have to be actually physically assaulted to feel unsafe or even to feel violated. She made her point, and my first similar experience was when I was only ten-years-old thanks to an obscene phone caller that reduced me to hysterics. It would be the last time I was allowed to come home after school by myself for years after that call. My family and I both worried that he would come find me and do what he’d talked about. Women are more likely to be the victim of sexual based crimes, it’s just the truth. I learned at a tender age that the world was not safe, and there would be other incidents as I grew older that confirmed that even people you knew weren’t always safe havens, but this blog isn’t about that, not really. The every day caution that women have to exert to go through the world is just the nearest shared experience that I could come up with to try to explain how being famous feels when it goes wrong. Okay, how it feels to me when it goes wrong. I’m sure there are celebrities that handle it much better than I do. I am sharing my experience here, my feelings, because in the end that’s all any of us can share.

This blog is an introduction of sorts to the talk I gave at the Pike’s Peak Writer’s Conference in Colorado last year. My husband filmed the talk with his phone, so that’s the quality of it (the volume is low), but it was the first time I spoke publicly about a lot of things that had happened to me in my career. The topic of all the key notes speeches that weekend were supposed to be on things that made you almost give up writing, like rejections, but Mary Robinette Kowal had done a hilarious speech the night before on that stumbling block, so I had to scrap my speech and start over. (By the way I just finished reading her book, The Calculating Stars, and I highly recommend it.) It forced me to think seriously about what had almost made me stop writing. Rejection was nothing compared to it. I decided to talk about it for the very first time in front of a room full of people I’d just met, or didn’t know at all. Now, I’m sharing it with all of you, with the whole internet, because it’s time I took back these pieces of myself that got broken. The only way I know to recover that part of myself is to write about it, and I can’t do that if I’m not wiling to talk publicly about it, so here we go.

18 thoughts on “Fear, Bravery, and the Pikes Peak Writers Conference”

  1. Very inspiring. I love your books but I don’t understand when people get all crazy when the story isn’t what they want. Would love to talk to my favorite authors not about books but how they came up with their ideas and what they are like in real life. But love following your blog to get insight into you. U seem really centered and balanced and I’m sure happy. Cant wait for the next book. Thank you for your writing it helps me escape. Have a great Christmas and New Year and maybe do a book signing in Billings, Mt.

  3. I self-destruct all over the place and I totally understand fear of success, it seems as soon as someone tells me I doing great and deserve something, I turn it around in my head and I stop heading in the up direction. I know some of it has to do with, for me, at least, my being dyslexic and learning disabilities. I felt I was never good enough to be great, so what people are saying to me, they are saying it just to appease me.
    As an adult, I know better, for the most part, but it is still a major influence in my decision making.

    I want to be a novel writer, I have tons of stories in my head. Right now I write long poetry and I have a few short stories under my belt, but attempting the novel scares me beyond measure.

  4. Thank you for sharing this! We all have fears. We need to hear that we can overcome them! I myself am very grateful for your continued writing. Your books have gotten me through some very hard times. As a reader, I believe we have no say in how or what you write! We can enjoy it, or put it down. We may own the book, but we don’t own you! Thank you for your writing!

  5. Thank you for sharing. Fear can be such a defining part of us in a very bad way, only if we let it. Unfortunately, people can be too much. You can’t let them dull your shine. Even if i dont absolutely love a section of a book or direction it has taken, i still love the places it takes me and the people it introduces me to. As long as you write, I’ll still be buying your books. Often rebuying them as i wear them out. Be you, everyone else is already taken.

  6. Totally awesome! Thank you! Especially thank you for Narcissus in Chains! One of my favorites.

    I am so glad you got over that college prof. What do they know? My daughter still hasn’t been able to use her amazing art after a similar experience some twenty years ago. It doesn’t matter that mom thinks she is the most talented person in the world. I am just mom. A college prof said . . .

    Wonderful speech. Amazing inspiration. Thank you so very much for sharing it with the world. Even the scary part. You deserve every iota of the life you have made for yourself and I appreciate you taking it back! Good job!

  7. Thank you for not quitting. You are my favorite author, and your world is very real to me. I once hoped Anita was okay when I lived in Missouri and heard of a major accident in St. Louis. When I realized what I was thinking, I quickly changed it to Laurell. I found you and Anita with Narcissis in Chains and am forever grateful for the continuing of that world. Just so you know, I am not always happy with all events, I LIKED Sholto, and Richard has always annoyed me, but everything I have ever read from you was well worth my time and money. Looking forward to more in the future, so thank you.

    1. I have also thought of Anita when I hear about something in St.Louis. Then I have to remember she is a fictional character, and then think of Laurell. ?

  8. Thank you again for sharing your experiences and your speech. I’m so glad I got to meet you and your husband and talk with you at the Pikes Peak Conference (as well as entertain your security.) Watching the speech again, it was just as amazing the second time around as it was the first. Still in love with your books and now I’ve managed to get my dad addicted to them too. (His favorite character is Edward, not Ted, Edward. XD)

  9. Thank you for sharing! I just want you to know that I love your books and hope that you keep writing them.
    If you ever want a vacation without secruity, come to the Netherlands 🙂

  10. Thank you. I fight fear every day and I -will- succeed. I do write my stories and I’ve finally found my niche. You spoke your truth and it was powerful – and inspiring.
    Thank you just doesn’t seem to be enough – but thank you.

  11. Thanks not just for sharing but for all your series and characters, they’re good company.. I have a lot of teachers in my family and to whom I owe immense gratitude, but there’s always that one jerk, so that is a funny and important story, but I’ve had my own stalkers and know the Y in that road. I am very glad you chose freedom

  12. I’ve been reading Anita’s stories since the 90s when I found a copy of Guilty Pleasures in my local library. I’ve read the whole series from start to finish a few times and while I miss the action of the earlier books, I love the depth of characters that comes with such a long run. Thank you for such a great and enduring series and Anita’s/your sense of humour which has always been one of the highlights of the books. Well done for overcoming the crazy people out there and I look forward to reading more of your books in years to come.

  13. Thank you for how the series changed in Narcissus in Chains. A certain male character had become very triggering for me, and the changes you made in that book became a form of therapy. NiC is often where I begin rereading the series from and has my favorite relationships. Next favorite is Incubus Dreams. The changes to the series bring freedom, growth, and personal acceptance. Thank you.

  14. I am so thankful that you were able to push through all of those obstacles. You are such a strong woman and your stories have an influence on everyone.
    I am 25 and have been reading Anita Blake since I was 14. I have essentially grown up with her since those were some of the most forming years of my life. I have learned SO much from Anita and truly consider her my friend.
    There have been countless moments in my young adult life where I have thought “What Would Anita Do?” or I would laugh because I would realize that what I had just thought of or what I had done was something I had learned from her.
    My sister and I have had countless moments where we are watching a show or talking about life and we would both think of a scene from one of your books.
    I started re-reading the series earlier this year and have caught up and am now reading “new books” to me. I am at “Crimson Death”. Now that I am reading them over again and I am an adult I can see all of the growing and maturing that Anita and her men have gone through. I am impacted by their moments together much more than before and I realize that I have learned SO much about love and relationships from her and her men. (Not to mention safety and awareness)
    I can’t imagine what my life would be like without Anita in it. I love having her as a friend. Thank you so much for always moving forward and giving so much of yourself to us. It must be very hard at times but know that I am incredibly greatful for your efforts. You have changed my life in a very positive way.

    -Love <3

  16. Mrs. Hamilton,
    I don’t know how many of these comments you read through but I really hope that you read mine.

    YOU and your story’s have been a HUGE inspiration to me. You are funny and witty and absolutely beautiful. You have a wonderfully talented mind. I was turned on to your Anita Blake books many years ago and every time you write a new book I have to read the whole series again. I have been trying to finish my story’s for a while but never get passed the first chapter. After seeing and hearing you talk in this video I think I will give it another go.

    As for the fans that didn’t like the book when you were on tour… I feel for them. Yes, I understand that they needed their security blankets but that gave them NO right to attack you in any form.
    I am glad that you didn’t give up. I had the option to come and meet you when your latest book Serpentine came out but I wasn’t able to come out because of my own fears. I hope that I get that chance once again. I am slowly working through my fears so maybe next time you are in the area I can come and tell you in person how wonderful you are and how much you inspire me.

    Much love,
    1 of your biggest fans!

  17. I wish I could be one of those people that has never learned the lesson that all lives have disappointments – even fictional ones. It makes the story more honest and relatable. I have loved your stories from the beginning. Thank you for the endless hours of entertainment.

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