Fear of Flying
I loved to fly on airplanes until I was on a flight that experienced wind sheer, or something like it in the middle of a flight coming back from Mexico. One minute, the nice flight attendant was serving us all coffee and soft drinks, and the next minute the plane was diving for the ground so hard that the flight attendant was plastered against the ceiling of the plane above us. People were screaming, and then people started to pray. I had a death grip on my then husband’s hand, and the woman beside us began to recite The Lord’s Prayer in German. I don’t speak German, but I knew the rythmn of the prayer. I offered her my hand, we locked eyes, and she took my hand, because in the end, when you think it is the end, you offer a hand to the person next to you, because that’s what you do. I started saying the prayer in English with her. There were other languages reciting in the plane, in among the screams.
Then, as suddenly as it began to dive, the plane righted itself. The flight attendant dropped to the floor of the plane, shaken and covered in coffee from chest to almost thighs. She staggered to her feet using the seats to stand, some people offered her a hand. She said, “I’ve flown for six years and I’ve never seen anything like that.”
The Captain came on the speaker and said, “I don’t know what just happened, but we seem to be fine now. I’m going to keep heading for our original destination. If it happens again I’ll set us down somewhere closer.”
The rest of the flight was perfect, other than the crew kept commenting to the passengers about it. When the flight crew is saying how scared they were, and yes, thought we were going to die – you know it’s a rough flight.
I never really liked to fly after that. I didn’t like how few options I had if things went critical. Fast forward a couple of decades and another flight, this time for a book tour. We took off, and there was a loud mechanical knock that shook the plane a little. It happened just as the landing gear went up, so I thought that had gotten stuck. I’d researched planes by then in a vain attempt to get over this phobia and I did not want a belly landing for the plane – I really didn’t. I prayed, just let the landing gear work. Like many times in my life, I should have asked Deity for more.
The plane never gained much altitude. I’ve flown out of St. Louis a lot, and this was not how you did it. We barely cleared some trees and then it was too quiet. I realized, we’d lost an engine. But I also knew that this type of airplane could fly with the engines it had left. We were okay, but we never gained the sky, not really, we were too low and we began to circle back towards the airport. “Please, let the landing gear work,” I whispered, and then the smoke began in the cockpit. They had to open the door to keep the smoke from filling the cockpit so I could see white smoke and them using a fire estingquisher on the general direction of the smoke inside the plane. More smoke began to come out of the engine that had ceased to function, when I say we lost, I don’t mean it fell off, it just stopped working, and now apparently it was on fire. Perfect. Now, did the landing gear work?
We got lower and lower, people were beginning to freak, and the Mississippi River was there way closer than I wanted it to be. I started praying, “don’t let it be a water landing, please not the river.” I don’t know why, but that thought really scared me. But we made a runway; yay!
They taxied the plane to the far reaches of the airport. People were asking, “Why aren’t they taking us back to the terminal?” “Why are we in the empty part of the airport?” Here’s where too much research can hurt you: I knew why the plane was sitting in the middle of no man’s land. We were still on fire, or they thought we were and they won’t take the airplane near the terminal and endanger more people until they’re sure it won’t blow up. The fire trucks and ambulance came whirring towards us and stopped at a safe distance. Each airport only has so much equipment, and again they aren’t going to risk it getting blown up with the airplane. Finally one smaller truck drove slowly by us, while other passengers asked, “Why aren’t they letting us off?” It was like you were bleeding in the Emergency room and the doctor walks by and says, “You look fine,” and just keeps on walking. Finally they started spraying the plane with white foam, which meant they thought we weren’t going to blow up – Yay!
I still don’t have the words for how relieved I was to step off that plane and be back in the airport in St. Louis. My first thought was, “I’m going to have whipped cream!” Because I’d refused to get a rich, creamy Starbucks coffee drink (Lets just call them what they are, a coffee shake), I’d been all virtuous and not gotten the extra whipped cream I’d wanted and after the adventure we’d just had my first thought was that damned whipped cream, so I went to Starbucks and paid full price for a cup of whipped cream. Yes, the barista was confused.
I don’t know what it said that the first thing I thought after I realized I was safe was something sweet and creamy, maybe it means I don’t drink. It would take six and a half hours to get another plane and arrive in Chicago where the next tour event was scheduled for the next day. I could have driven faster, but I got there and the tour went on as scheduled, but the whole plane on fire thing didn’t help my fear of flying, though weirdly I hadn’t panicked either during or afterwards. I think I’m always more surprised that nothing goes wrong when I fly, so when something happens it seems like, “Oh well, of course.” Either that, or I have nerves of steel and I don’t think that’s it.
So, my fear of flying is trauma based according to the therapists I’ve seen about it, and phobias that originate in trauma do not respond to typical phobia therapy. In fact, I saw my current therapist before we left and she had no strategy to share that I hadn’t heard before, so I’m stuck with being afraid of flying. I could live my life without flying, but that would mean most touring for my books wouldn’t happen. You guys wouldn’t see me much, at all, but I could do the whole recluse thing, I guess. But . . . there are places in the world that I want to see that flying makes possible.
I’ve seen Rome and stood in the beautiful ruin of Palatine Hill, I’ve stood in the museum hush of St. Peter’s with all the mummified pope bodies with their begging boxes next to some of the most amazing architecture in the world. I was finally able to weep for my grandmother’s death in Milan at the Basilica at the Mary altar with it’s hundreds of candles. Paris is actually as romantic as its supposed to be, which I didn’t think was possible. Having my husband, with me may have influenced me on that, but it really is a beautiful city. We found the Parisians friendly and happy to help as we spoke our few words of French to them. Apparently my pronunciation of French is really terrible, but they appreciated my effort. Jonathon’s accent was so good that if I kept my mouth shut no one realized he didn’t speak the language even better than he sounded. He has a real ear for languages and I seem to be tone deaf unless I’m singing.
I’ve stood on the white sand of a tropical beach and seen the ocean roll out to the offing until sky and water merged into one blue line. I love the warm ocean spread in turquoise, and aquamarine waves. It’s like magic to this midwestern girl. It was so worth the planes rides to get to spend weeks staring out at that view while I finished my latest book.
If I wasn’t willing to get on a plane I couldn’t go back to England and do my first ever signing in London on August 8! I’m so excited to sign books for all you patient fans across the pond. You’ll have another chance at seeing me on panels at Nine Worlds Con on August 9th. This is your chance to see me in person and hear what you’ve been missing at the American conventions I attend. There will be other great writers on the panels with me, as well. I’ve been to England twice before, once on a family trip with our daughter and Jonathon’s parents. If I hadn’t faced my fear of flying I’d have missed Trinity when she was so small she could curl up completely in the Devil’s Seat at Avebury, or climbing the Tor together, and having tea at the Abbey Tea Room across from the Abbey Ruins at Glastonbury. Hampton Court was fabulous and the Tower of London is a must see! The British Museum is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. We’ve had two days there on different trips and we’ve only seen portions of the treasures inside each trip. The sun really didn’t set on the British Empire.
As we prepare to fly back across the pond, I’m just as scared as I was last time, but I know that it’s worth the it. Every time I’ve gotten on a plane the destination has been worth the trip. I just have to hold onto that thought and keep moving forward. Somehow we missed Stonehenge both times, so maybe this time.
30 thoughts on “Fear of Flying”
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Hi Laurel,
I can’t imagine going through two terrifying experiences like that.
How fantastic that you are still willing to get on a plane. You are so right, the end result is worth it.
I was interested when you said that you are not responding to the normal phobia treatments.
I work with lots of clients suffering PTSD and trauma using a hypnosis technique called “Rewind Therapy”.
If you can find a practitioner near you who does that, it is really life changing for removing the trauma from events like that.
I have used it for clients who have experienced violence and trauma from childhood, up until present time.
Wishing you happy flights and safe travels.
I love your books, thanks for sharing your talent with the world.
Kerry
So… when will you come to Melbourne, Australia?
I know how you feel, says the woman having a sobbing panic attack on the plane to her honeymoon destination. After trial and error with my doctor, because I am damned if I was going to let this beat me… XANAX. I take one an hour before I get on the plane and one just as I’m seated. LIFE CHANGING. No more sobbing horror. This is a quality of life issue for me.
My goodness, you really have had terrible experiences with flying. Flying, in itself, is an inherently un-human mode of transportation, and it never feels ‘right’, at last not for me. I hope writing this post makes you feel a little better. And you’re right. We can’t let fear cripple our need to experience different places and face new opportunities. I wish you all the best for your flight. I’ll be seeing you at Fantasy In The Court, and hope to raise a glass to your bravery. In the meantime, grab fear by the balls and let it know who’s boss 😉
Wow-I was sucked in reading this…I cannot believe you still actually fly-but I envy you and even though I don’t know you except as an author of books I thoroughly enjoy-I am proud of you…for this post above is so encouraging about living life to its fullest and Not being afraid of movin on…thank u for writing this!
If you can deal with your fear of flying to come here for us then I can deal with my fear of public transport to come see you 🙂
I don’t like flying. Have you considered a boat to england? Time is what you gain by plain. I’ve always thought I would love a boat trip around the world. Anyway I just avoid flying. Country music singer Reba lost her band to a commercial airliner. She bought a private plane to guarantee the maintenance was done to her standard. When I have to fly I pray and I thank god for every landing.
hope you have a fantastic trip and no flight problems, we have been lucky with our flight and I am touching wood as I type this. Although I have never been to the states would love to go someday most of my flying has been between Australia and Europe first ever flight was the long haul in 82 when we emigrated from UK to Australia, Perhaps someday you will make it to Perth Western Australia I would love to see you, so I will wish you Bon Voyage for your latest trip, enjoy.
Boobs of steel but I don’t let my fears control me either. Keep on being strong
My fear or phobia is heights which gives me fear of bridges. When I got the opportunity to go to Colorado one of the places I wanted to stop at was the Royal River Gorge. I wanted to test myself and walk across that bridge. I did it and it was so awesome! Our plane nightmares have consisted of delays, etc. and plugged up ears. Good luck with your trip and I hope you can see Stonehenge this trip!
Wow, remind me to never fly with you……ever. Lol
My great-grandmother died just a couple weeks shy of her 90th birthday in 1990. She was a huge influence on my life and I always thought of her as brave and rather daring for a woman of her era. So, it completely shocked me when we were talking in the days before her death, and I asked her “Nana, what do you regret?” She said “I wish I hadn’t been so afraid.” I blinked and sat there for a minute. “Afraid of what?” I finally asked.
“I wish I had not cared so much what people thought, and that I had been willing to take more chances.”
Well – it completely changed how I viewed my life. I do not want to be lying on my death bed saying “I wonder what would have happened if…” or “I wish I had not been so afraid to do/try/say/etc..”
You have not let your fear keep you from experiencing. That is huge. Kudos to you!
I love all of your books. Got my autographed copy of Dead Ice. Loved it as I do all of your books. I am glad you are safe and may God keep you in his loving hands.
Girl you have, excuse the expression, way more balls than I do. I’ve flown twice, the first when I was real young with my father. I’ve no memory of that at all but I’m told dad gave me alcohol to calm me. The last time I flew was on a trip to England to meet my husband to be’s parents. I was so scared that I wouldn’t and couldn’t leave my seat to use the restroom. Every time I tried I passed out. I actually peed my pants! That turned out to be a good thing, hard to imagine I know. I was told later by a physician in England that I almost burst my bladder.
So never let anyone tell you that you are not strong, you are amazing! You face, what is for me the biggest fear of my life, and you are personally responsible for many many hours of contented happiness for thousands of people around the world. Thank you for Merry and Anita and for letting us get to know you. Amazing!
Sincerely Grateful,
Angelia Simpson
I understand completely. Hitting a wind sheer and dropping 500 feet will bring anyone to their knees. I did it going into Denver once. Everyone screamed and prayed.
It seems funny that you wrote about being scared of flying since I will be flying this weekend (yes, into Denver). I need valium – lots of valium. 🙂
Thank you for this. I had a bad experience flying and its something i struggle to get over. I try though since there is a whole world our there just waiting for me.
I’ve had a similar problem with driving.
I live in a place I adore, but Alaska can have it’s problems. I’d taken the hour fifteen drive to anchorage probably hundreds of times, at least half of them in winter. (After all, we have more winter than everything else added together) The road was perfectly clear, had been for a month, so I wasn’t expecting anything to happen. Then I hit ice I wasn’t expecting. Most people know “black ice”, but I swear nothing was there. I only found out later that that ONE spot always is a little slick. I swung left, thought I had it, then shot across the right lane and into the ditch. It was as if I had slammed my foot on the gas, and there was zilch I could do. Somehow I avoided the person I was passing, flew into the ditch, thought I’d hit the trees but instead flipped the truck completely and slid backward, burying myself in the snow. When I stopped moving there was a soft quiet moment before my dog woke as I was cocooned in the snow. Complete silence, and my first thought was… I can freeze to death here. It was around zero. Luckily not only was I in an area where my phone worked, it was plugged in and I could find it. Even more luckier I was being dug out before I reached 911. People in AK always stop to help this sort of thing. My dog started walking around the roof that was much closer than normal and I hung there, my world wrong, listening to the digging. The pressure on the windows from the snow prevented any self saving, I just had to wait. They got me and my dog out, a lovely man who was very well dressed for work put us in his perfectly clean car to keep warm before the police and ambulance got to us. I was shaky and dazed but perfectly fine I thought. I posted a FB pick of my upside down truck with no explanation. Oops, for hours I answered panicked loved ones. It took an hour before I crashed into real shock.
But the damage was done. Anytime I slipped at all driving my heart felt it was explode, I was nearly paralyzed with terror. For the first time I truly knew something could happen and I could control non of it. Days later I had to drive back from Anchorage and I couldn’t go faster than 20 and hour and cried a good chunk of it. I very very easily could have become a shut in. I already can’t work so slightly less determination and I’d never drive myself. It’s awful, but I refuse to destroy my life over that accident. I get that, I get the determination to keep going, despite the terror. Despite wanting to curl up to home instead. The determination to still exist and have the life you want. I can mostly drive ok during the winter now, years later, but it’s still frightening, and passing a vehicle is still terrifying. But there’s a big world out there and a good life to leave.
I completely understand the fear of flying or fear of driving on winter roads thing. I was in a car accident on an icy road in Nebraska a few years ago. For years afterward I would experience terror bordering on a full blown panic attack if it was snowing even a little bit when I was on the road. I even went so far as biking almost everywhere I went since the town I lived in had an extensive network of bike paths. It didn’t matter the weather. Rain, snow, sun, 95 degrees and 80% humidity or -20 degrees…I didn’t care. No cars. I preferred to bike where I went. Now I can drive places without freaking out quite so much, even if there is a small amount of snow, but I definitely don’t drive in major snow storms anymore. I am in awe of anyone that can get on a plane/get in a car despite their trauma since I had that accident in Nebraska. Even now that I live in a big city and I have to drive most places, I still think about living in a smaller town and being in a place where I would not be required to drive.
I’ve had a flying phobia for most of my adult life and at times it’s pretty debilitating. I want to travel badly, however, so I have tried a lot of different methods. The best, however, is Xanax. I’m not big on drugs or drinking really, but the amount of stress I go through while flying probably does severe damage to my brain and my body, and it’s a completely and utterly miserable experience. Xanax it is. I recommend it for everyone who has a fear of flying–in addition to phobia therapy, if one so chooses (I think that can be helpful as well). Well-written blog post, thank you for sharing with us!
Thanks for being such an open and frank author to your fans. Have a wonderful trip in England. I love the UK and I hope to someday go back, especially to Scotland. Safe journeys to you.
I feel for you. My Mother used to tell stories of the bombers coming back in Egand during the war and the flight crews talking about airpockets. Really the name doesn’t matter. It would have to scare the you know what right out of you and make you fit for the pearly gates themselves. Thing is as you say is not to let the fear rule your life. Good on you.
I understand where you are coming from as my fear of flying also came after having three awful flights and those weren’t until I was older, but like you said the destination is always worth it. So together we will both get on that plane with our nervous of steel and go see the world.
Scary flying problems make it very difficult to step on a plane but as you say you would miss so many different place, experiences and people. I applaud you getting onto another flight after your experiences. I was on a flight on my honeymoon that did a big drop (hurting a steward – he had a black eye from it on our return flight 5 days later) . Flying into Singapore, on a 2 yr deployment of my husband of the time, we circled for 1/2 hr inside a thunderstorm with the accompanying drops before we could land. Flying back to NZ 2 yrs later it was the first DC10 flight after they had been out of the sky for months while they fixed wing problems that had caused major crashes previously but it was good to be returning home and being able to show off the first grandchild to my mother.Flying into the Gold Coast we did a fairly vertical climb as we started to land because a small Cessna decided he was going to take off before we landed and we had to avoid him. We were not far above a hill at the end of the runway. Going out of Wellington Airport on a very windy day the climb was hard, fast and about a 60+ degree angle so we could get into less turbulent air faster. All said and done you can get hurt or killed anywhere and anywhen so live life and love it. Fears are there but we should not let them rule us. Take care with your flights and I wish you the joy of new experiences and an interesting life.
Awesome post! Once again the timing is incredible.
Last night a friend called me from the hospital. Their battery failed and needed some help to get it started. This is something my husband usually does because I’m phobic about electricity; but he was 5 cities away.
The trauma story starts with my turning on a light switch (I was 3) when lightening struck the house. Big boom, all the lights went out, and I got zapped. Other things happened to feed the trauma as I grew up. It was 12:36 in the morning and my friend doesn’t know how to use the jumper cables I’m offering him. So I stood there and shook for a few minutes while I gathered myself to do what needed to be done. Neither car exploded, sparks did not fly, and I didn’t scream or cry. His car started, my car started, and we all went home. Life is good.
I’m sorry you experienced those horrible events while flying. I think I’d be terrified to fly too. I know that after I flipped my car upside down in a bad car accident it took me almost a year to want to get back behind the wheel. Once I did I never looked back. I’ve had probably more than 10 car accidents/fender benders in 20 yrs or so of driving and I think I have a good outlook on it, it doesn’t bother me anymore. Some times I feel as if you have to just let it go. If it’s meant to be it will happen. I know that sounds trite and isn’t really related to your experiences but I wanted to share that with you. And I wanted to leave you with the comment that Stonehenge is worth the trip. It’s breat taking and peaceful. One of the most peaceful places I’ve come across in my limited visits of the world is the church outside of Dachau, but that just might have been the feeling of God returning after walking the devastation of that place. I truly felt the hand of God there though. I hope with time you can kick the phobia’s behind some more.
If you can get over your fear of flying, please come to Brisbane, Australia. Also remind me never to get on a plane with you, still love your books and you. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I don’t have much sympathy simply because this is coming from someone who just a few blogs ago told everyone that they shouldn’t be afraid, and to get over all of your triggers. Maybe you should try taking your own advice LKH, or maybe you can’t “just get over” this trauma and understand that some things will always be a trigger.
I took her post as commentary on the phobia she has and continues to face and not as an invitation to feel sorry for her.
Brava! You know the bad thing can happen yet you get on the plane any way. :ongratulatons for facing your phobia. Some of mine I can face down. Some of mine I let be.
I love your books and I admire you both as an author and person. That being said I rather wish I had not read your last two posts. You have my sympathy and well wishes. Saying Good bye is never easy. Flying? I am still scared. I despise flying. I have flown all the way to Zimbabwe and back to the States. Afraid the entire time. I pray the rosary anytime I fly. On one flight I was doing this just as meals were being served. The man on my left said “I believe in God too, but I am not so religious I have to pray every time I eat! The man on my left took one look at my white knuckled grip on my beads and said “I don’t think she’s praying about the food. LOL!
I have flown many times since, and I have prayed each and every time.