New Blog: Filling up the Emptiness
You know that empty spot inside you? The one that feels like a bottomless pit that’s as wide as the Grand Canyon? If you don’t have one of these desolate places inside you, then you don’t need to read any further. Enjoy your happy and issue free life! But if you are like many of us and understand exactly what I mean, welcome.
I don’t know if I had the empty spot, before my mother died, but since I was only six at the time it’s hard for me to judge. Whatever the reason that caused that dark space inside me that nothing seemed to fill up, I did try to fill it up with many things. I tried books and reading, then I found writing and that worked for a long time. Then I fell in love for the first time and I thought that would do it, but no love outside of ourselves can completely fill that void. Years later, the marriage broke, and I vowed I’d give up on love, but dating led to falling in love with a friend. I thought this is it, this will work, and it did, it has, it is, but it doesn’t fill up the emptiness. Love is a light in the dark, but it does not destroy it all. I say again, no love outside of ourselves can fill that space of need. If religion fills that void for you, then wonderful, but though I am devoted to my path of faith it does not fill the hole. What Deity showed me, was the isses that dug the hole in the first place, and how I might heal the damage. If I was willing to work hard and experience most of the pain again, then I could heal, but it wasn’t guaranteed. If your God, or Goddess, promises you an easy path, and surety of success then you may not be hearing the voice of God, but the voice of something you want to be true. True faith is a path filled with many stones and thorns, because it is not the easy road that makes a warrior. If the word warrior doesn’t work for you, then find another, but its a good word for me.
I kept writing and I was successful, beyond my wildest dreams successful. I never thought I’d hit #1 on the New York Times List, or be the #1 best selling paperback in the country ever. These are all goals I’ve reached, but never had on my list of goals to reach. My goal for my writing was much more humble. I simply wanted to make enough to support my daughter and myself after my divorce. I’ve done a bit more than just support her and myself, a great deal more. I am blessed, and lucky, but as with most luck it’s because I put the hard work in before my opportunities came. Lucky people are usually prepared people.
All the success, all the books, and my wonderful characters and worlds, filled up part of me, because writing isn’t just a job for me, it’s a calling. Unfortunately, my calling didn’t fill up all the holes, or heal all the wounds. Having a child didn’t fill it up. I love our daughter, and she is great, but it’s not her job to make me feel whole, nor is it my job to make her a whole human being. Parents are supposed to give their children wings, but the kids have to learn how to fly with them. Hard to let go, but necessary.
So what fills up the hole? If love, success, money, art, children, marriage, sex, religion, faith, God, Goddess, if none of that fills that horrible emptiness completely, then what does?
I don’t know if anything does, there, that’s the truth. I wish it wasn’t. I wish I had a magic word, or pill to share with you and we could all be happy and healthy and whole. The only thing I know that helps that black emptiness fill up some is therapy, and facing the issues, the wounds, that dug that piece of my soul out. Therapy is hard, good therapy is very hard, but it’s the only way I’ve found to truly heal and cope, but that alone isn’t enough. For me, I need a strong faith, a personal relationship with Deity every day. Loving relationships, because what one person damages, another can help you heal. Animals, dogs right now, because I find that they are damn near essential to my happiness. Exercise, because it effects my physical health and my mood. For me it takes hard and frequent exercise to get me where my orthopedist says I need to get and stay, but staying out of surgery is worth it. Good nutrition, again effects health and mood. Time management, there is time to do it all, but not if I sit down and watch three hours of television, or more of movies a night. I like TV, love some shows, and love some movies, but I’d rather spend couple time with my husband, or our girlfriend and her husband, or have a good heart to heart talk with our daughter. I’m trying to get outside at least once a day, five days a week, because I feel better when I do. That’s the trick to filling up the void inside, to find what makes you feel better, truly better, which means when you do this whether it’s religion, exercise, dating, marriage, sex, parenting, building model airplanes, sculpting, collecting stamps, or playing the sport of your choice, whatever it is that makes you feel better, also makes your life work better. If what you’re doing dulls the pain, but makes your life worse, then it’s a crutch, maybe even an addiction, seek professional help and cut the destructive shit out.
You know how I said, love outside of yourself won’t fill up that empty space? Well, love inside yourself may. You need to love yourself. I know it’s hard, but its necessary. We have to love ourselves in the end, because if we don’t we continue to look for validation everywhere but inside ourselves, and in the end, we’re all we’ve got. Lovers, husbands, wives, children, bosses, jobs, houses, cars, flowers, pets, everything, comes and goes, but we remain. The face we see everyday in the mirror is our only constant companion. I used to think that was lonely, but I’ve come to understand that it’s not lonely, it’s just hard, but doable. If we’re following the path we’re meant to follow and doing the things we’re supposed to be doing we will find the people that we need and want in our lives. They will come to us, if they do their work, and we will help each other be better. That emptiness inside can fill up, I know, because mine is much smaller than it was, the difference between every ocean on the planet and now just a swimming pool and even that is getting smaller. I am healing. I am walking my path and meeting the people that I’m supposed to meet. I am learning from them, and they from me. We impact each other far more than we know, but as we heal and become more solid, we are less impacted by others, and our influence on them grows. So walk softly as you heal, and understand that others may not be so far down their paths, but walk softly and carry a big stick as Teddy Roosevelt said. Or as my faith would say, “Do no harm, but take no shit.”
If sharing part of my journey helps you, I’m glad. If you read this and are totally puzzled by what I mean, then you didn’t need this message. If you need it, I hope you do understand it, and f not now, then someday. Be well, be safe, be brave, trust yourself, and find people to trust, and be worthy of any trust that is placed in you.
105 thoughts on “New Blog: Filling up the Emptiness”
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Thank you. I know too well what you are talking about. I dont know what it willtake to “fill” mine. Its so empty it hurts sometimes, but I have two lovely doggies and some true friends. And crawling up to a cool book helps 😉
Just the words i needed to hear today! Thank you!!
thanks some time you need to hear what you know to be true from a voice outside you so thanks
You’re an author not a self-help guru. Did you mean to post this on your personal blog and not your professional webpage?
What projects are you working on? Is there any short stories being released this year? Are you taking part in any anthologies? Will you be attending any trade conventions? These are the things which I want to know.
Wow she was sharing how she feels why such negativity just because she is an author doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings and she has every right to voice them
Miley she has stated before that on this page she writes what comes to mind as an author and more. This page is for more than mere dates and times of events. Personally if that’s all it was about I wouldn’t have bothered looking into it. You may find that many authors post personal bits on their blogs because…..well they are human….and have found many people like and enjoy their perspectives. She may not be a self help guru but I personally have found I enjoy her perspective, advice, and sometimes antidotes.
She also said that if you didn’t need to read it don’t. Basically read her titles for her posts and if it’s not something you want to know then simply don’t read that one. This blog is both professional and personal in a sense. So…pick and chose what you wish to read…that simple.
People don’t need to have degrees to be able to help other people. And I would never have found this useful post if she hadn’t posted this on her web-page.
Thank you, Laurell Hamilton, for sharing this.
Your an ass.
Thank you
Bravo, lady.
I read your books because that darkness in you speaks to the darkness in me, and sometimes just knowing someone else sees the same darkness makes it a bit easier to bear. Does anything ever heal it? I don’t think so. I think we carry it (or at least some do) to give us a greater empathy for mankind. A sort of twisted gift from the universe, because without that pit.. without that shadow and dark place, we never really know the light.
Goddess bless, lady.
This message arrived just in time for me. It spells Intention and Self Love through Self Love. Thank you, Laurell.. Thank you.
Thank you. I really needed this. 🙂 You’re a wonderful person. Maybe that’s silly to say because we’ve never met, but I think we readers/fans really get to know you through your (amazing!) books, your posts on Facebook, and here on your blog. The world is a better place with you in it. Thank you, again.
I agree. I’ve always have found that first you have to recognized the hole then fill it with you. Finding the you in everything around you and Loving yourself through it all. Forgiving yourself, even if it wasn’t you that did the wrong, or didn’t say the right things, whatever it may be. Love really is the answer… for when you Love yourself, you will see the Love and Peace in everything else.
Thank you for sharing. Brilliant advice…hard to follow. Kinda like that hard therapy, I needed to hear this. Now it’s up to me to take it and use it, make it happen. You are very inspiring, so maybe coming from you, I’ll actually follow through. Love ya!
It took almost four years of therapy to make that bottomless sea inside of me, a drop of water on a counter. I had to, as you did, re – open old wounds, face the pain and deal with it. It was the most terrifying, humbling process I have ever had to deal with, but I’m here. I am here.
Those are some fabulous kicks!!! Oh boy just had a shoegasm!
Thank you for sharing. I get what you’re saying & have crossed a lot of similar bridges. There have been many times in my life that I’ve waited to feel that “Ahhh” moment – that moment when I feel complete & know that I’m missing nothing. Then I realize that if & when that happens my life will be at an end. I’m of a mind that we are always in change; gaining & loosing, contracting & expanding. There will always be a hole or void so that we are capable of receiving as well as giving. Our losses & gains make us better people & bless us with the ability to experience such an amazing array of feelings/emotions. We are who we are by what we channel through ourselves in order to fill our own voids or by what we choose to give to others so their voids may be filled as well. Contract & expand – inhale & exhale. Your efforts to fill your void – your hole within – has touched so many others & has helped us to fill our voids. It’s like a chain link made of negative space but filled with so much more than any of us could ever comprehend because we are all linked through and through. Those humble beginnings were more so a major crossroads & the proof of how much impact your choice has made on others is demonstrated in your #1 standings in the ratings – that’s how many voids you have filled on record but for each of those there are so many more because your readers then are capable of helping fill the voids of others.
So let me now say Thank you for really giving of yourself to me filling my void.
By the way …. Those shoes are killer! 🙂
“Do no harm, but take no shit.” Wise words. I’m pretty good at the first part, but still working on the last part. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get the last part down pat, but I keep trying and I don’t stop. That’s progress…at least for me it is. Bright blessings, Laurel. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
I luv the shoes
By the way…your shoes are fabulous! 😀
OMG that was amazing I clicked on this link cause I WANT THOSE SHOES!!! And then i started reading and just went ……oh WOW you inspire me Laurell thank u 🙂
Thanks for writing this. I’m in the process of trying to figure out how to fill my own hole, and not doing the greatest job at it. I’m still stuck in the “using destructive things to fill the hole” phase, but I’m hoping entering into an intensive treatment program this summer will kick start the rest of my journey (which is contingent on the funding coming through – #broke grad student problems). However, one of the hardest parts of this process is believing that the hole can be filled in a healthy way. My experience so far has not included the kind of healthy, loving relationships that you’ve been so fortunate to find (with the exception of my amazing therapist!). I used literature to fill that hole as a child (your books included!) and that worked well enough to get me to adulthood more or less in one piece. Unfortunately, disappearing into fantasy may work for a child, but isn’t the most adaptive coping mechanism for an adult, though I certainly wish it were. Hearing that you have been able to find a way to fill that hole with things that enrich your life, rather than damage it, is so encouraging. It’s really hard to give up coping mechanism, no matter how destructive they might be, when there’s no certainty that there will ever be something to replace them. But that’s what recovery is all about – making the leap and trusting that there will be something on the other side. That something might not be amazing or life-changing, but all it really needs to be is “enough.” Enough to get you through to the next day. Enough to to help you make positive changes in your life that might eventually lead to finding something that is “more than enough.” And your story gives me hope that is possible for me. So, once again, thank you. I know how difficult it can be to share personal struggles, and the fact that you have been courageous enough to do so over and over again for your readers is simply outstanding. I hope you continue to find many more wonderful things to shrink your personal hole.
Brilliant and just what I needed at this moment…thank you.
Thank you
Very wise words.
Love the new shoes.
Great post. Truthful, very truthful. It is not where the journey takes us, but that we take the journey.
Awesome shoes! ^.^
Do what you love. Love what you do. Most of all, love yourself.
A wonderful and heartfelt post. Also something I think I needed to hear tonight.
Thank you.
The timing of this blog going online could not be more apropos for me. I am three days into summer vacation from finishing my 22nd year of teaching, and in the 17th year of my third failed primary relationship, and all I can do is sit here, numbly wondering where all those years went and why I still feel like such a fraud. The one line in Rhihanna’s song, Stay, that always gets me is “the reason I hold on, is I need this hole gone…” But, of course it never goes away or gets filled – at least, not yet. Somehow, I have to stop doing what I’ve always done, and figure out exactly what it is I need to do to truly be happy with myself and my choices. Thank you so much for sharing this. Seriously. Thank you.
I needed this. I’m trying to fill the void adter the death of a close loved one and its been difficult for me. Thank you for sharing.
I don’t usually read blogs, but I find many of your posts very insightful. Your books are great and I say that you are my favorite author, but I learn more about myself as well as you from your blog. Thanks for opening up and helping me look deeper inside myself.
Bless you for your bravery in sharing these thoughts. My Father God and Mother Earth continue to fill your life with abundance – loving the shoes
thanks for this. It’s nice to know hear of someone else going through their own personal journey of healing and wholeness, and what a great way to look at it!!
LOVE the shoes btw
Thank You for sharing! I know that emptiness all to well. Please keep up the writing.
Laurell, I would love to spend a day (rwally more) in your shoes. Your personal life isc w hatbi wish I had. I have been single for almost ten years now. I have searched and searched to get into a poly relationship. But I am looking for a couple guys and it would be even better if they were bi. I have had many tell me and call me things that are not very nice. This has left me very frustrated. I have found some that say they wznt the same. But then get pissed when I tell them that I also need to be physically attracted. I really hate hurting anyone’s feelings….but I am a very honest and blunt person. And there is no way I am attracted to a man that is more then a few pounds overweight..so I would like to ask you…and I being shallow for feeling this way??? I appreciate any thing you have to say. And thank you for your time.
Blessed be
Mii Gwetch ( thank you) I have a ginormous empty space. I am trying to unbind my spirit. I tied it up and hid it within myself. So at this time there is no self love. I hid my pain and sorrow from everyone. I tried to talk to someone about it but they did not understand. So everyday I go to work and put on a real good show. When I come home to an empty house, I stop the show and go numb. I know when I undo that self-binding on my soul I will learn to forgive myself and love myself. But for know I hide in books. I have read almost all your books, awesome by the way, and I can picture what I am reading. I feel like I am there. I loose all time and reality when I read. I believe that I am whole. When the book closes, My broken self returns. I do not try to pity myself, there is no good in that. I just try to find a way to forgive myself and return my soul to where it belongs. Again, Mii Gwetch for your words of wisdom, and I know that I am not alone, even though we have different situations, we all still need self love.
all I can really say is <3 you are an amazingly insightful person and I adore reading your posts. Thank you for sharing 🙂
I always find it so inspiring when you share bits of yourself. Thank you!
CUTE shoes! Where did you get them?
It is amazing that when you listen the universe will talk. Thank you.
laura i love your books… nough said. they give me 5 to 6 hours apiece where i can escape from my life. youre right there is nothing out there to fix the hole in our souls… if you have it you know what i mean… im a 44 year old man with 26 years of severe rheumatoid and psoriatic arthritis (yes they can see the difference in my blood work and the lack of density and where it affects my bones) im not a fan of humanity in general as a general opinion id like to secede from the human race they dont impress me an me as one of them doesnt either. again i say your books have been a pleasurable interlude in the whole endless grind to death that we call life, for what its worth and whether you care they have been something to take my mind off of the whole depression and pain of life…. thank you
james learman
You have a real gift for understanding the human condition Laurell. Makes all you write more than just great entertaining fiction. And love the shoes!
Thanks for sharing i did need to read this and i know now i need to turn arround and start walking my own path again because i walked a path that led me astray.
Like you and many more i do have that empty space inside me and with a lovely man, two kids and two pets i didn’t think it was possible it made me feel depressed reading your story was refreshing. I will work hard to walk the right path again it might not make me completely whole but it will make me happy again.
Kind regards,
Linda.
Thank you. So very much. I needed to read this right now, thank you for sharing, *wrapping you up in so much infinite love*
I have tried explaining the hole in me to those that care for me for the last 16 years. My father died from heart complications when I was 16 and it felt like something in me died as well. A multitude of hobbies, different types of therapy, personal research on psychological matters and 16 years of struggling to breathe have made me the empathetic person I am today. Yet, all my efforts seem like putting a small bandage on a massive war wound. Still, I keep trying. I can thank my father for passing down his stubborn nature to me. It has kept me going; even in my darkest hours.
Not a minute too soon…The universe brought me to this today at a time I needed it most. I thought I was the only one not able to fill up the hole; for thinking it just might never be fill-able; that no matter how many good things are in my life, the hole may never be filled. Thank you for sharing.
You are correct the “sink hole” inside can never be filled by us or anyone. However, the sides can be strengthened and they can protect you for a while. Unfortunately, you or someone else will cause the sides to collapse and sometimes the sink hole gets deeper. It is easy for people to say that you should avoid the issues that created the sink hole in the first place, but that’s not me. I will build a bridge over the sink hole. This is not to ignore it, but rather to find the best point to bungee jump!!! By jumping into the sink hole, you can see where the sides are weak and where you need to add support. I am glad that you have loved ones to help you get back on the bridge.
Everything you speak of are positive actions with the exception of the vague mention of destructive shit.
I have found that actually doing for others outside of my home to be most beneficial. When I look back throughout my life, I can see that I have always felt my best inner self when I did for others. At times that was volunteering as a teenager in the hospital. As an adult it was everything that went with being a Girl Scout Leader for 6 years for my daughter.
I’m a visual thinker. When I think of the emotional pit within and add purposeful, selfless giving, it starts to form the strong fibers that bridge that pit. It creates the webbing that allows all the other pieces to coagulate together and form a scab. Slowly but surely healing takes place when the focus is outside of one’s self, possibly healing from the inside to the outside.
I know that lives are busy and free time is limited. When I feel my internal batteries running out of juice the first thing that comes to mind is to get out and find someone to help. It can be as easy as visiting with someone that needs a visitor. Spending time driving around a friends widowed mother that doesn’t drive. Random, purposeful and selfless are energy shots for the heart and soul.
Peace
Dear Laurell, I’ve always wished for someone to know what that darkness feels like. I’ve always felt all alone in the world, because people go on living like the dark pit isn’t there, and that confuses, scares and frustates children beyond imagination. Or so I thought. Somebody must know. Someone does. As you know, it doesn’t do shit to that hole, but I feel less out of this world. Thank you for that.
I have that Pit of Despair that you speak of and writing helps fill mine. It can feel as if that pit sucks years from you but you, as a survivor, keep fighting back the darkness. I have taught myself to look for a soul flashlight for the darkest corners & am getting better at pulling it out when I need a little light.it can be a simple thing but any light can help in the dark. Thank you, my favourite writer, for sharing this. Strive & thrive. 😀
Ginny Lynn
True, but having those totally AWESOME shoes must help a little? P.S. Huge fan, keep up the great work!
Thank you for sharing that, So many of us struggle with that glack hole inside, and never open up about it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
In reading your blogg, I could feel your emptiness. It is something I deal with on a daily basess. Over the years I to thought I could fill the hole with love ones but for what ever reason something would happen and than I would be left with a new hole. I too learned I had to look within to heal myself / or learn how to deal and just go on. Thank you for sharing. It takes a loving and strong soul to be able to open one self to others knowing you will be judged.
On a lighter note. Thank you for all your wonderful books, and I hope to continue the ride with you and your work for however long you choose to share.
May all your days be filled with brightness and love.
Kim Mathews
Fabulous Blog. Many years ago I was in a marriage in which I ‘thought’ I was happy. I was far from happy. I had three beautiful girls who are my world. I felt I owed it to them and also to myself to find my true north in life, my path, my essence of who I really am. Who I was as an individual and to what I could give back to life, my loves and my legacy. I realized that I often accepted second best and put up with those situations, people etc. I ended my marriage and I knew this was the beginning of finding who I am. I spent two years alone as a single parent raising three daughters alone. I got a job, while it was fun and a stepping stone, through work met my ‘wife’ (who is my best friend and who truly gets me). Soon after I met a young beau (who is now my husband) I fell in love like I’ve never known. He adored my girls and loved them as I did. I moved 100 miles away and found my home with my new partner. That man has brought out my best qualities and I have re-learned a great deal through him. He is my true North. My bright star in the sky. I became a better parent, person. Like my ‘wife’ he totally gets me, he never judges me, he supports everything I do. The mutual love and respect we have is something I have never experienced. As a mother I hope I have taught my four daughters (my husband and I had our own child) never to settle, fight for what they believe in, stand up and be counted, and also shown them what a truly happy relationship is supposed to be like. I have fought hard to be where I am today, through ill health and serious mental health. I am a warrior. Life is not a dress rehearsal you get one shot at it. To find happiness look within and happiness will find you. Be free of societies shackles, be fearless, be strong.
Hi Laurell,
Thank you for writing this, it *did* strike home for me although not in the way you might think.
Anyway, I know you’re time is precious so I’ll make this quick. One thing that works for me whenever I’m down for whatever reason is forgiveness meditations. I’ve taken a class, read books, and done my own personal research on this and, by all of the blessed gods, it worked so well for me. Perhaps it will for you. It’s worth a shot, right?
One suggestion is guided meditations on forgiveness/healing. I find them on YouTube, and you can get them from 10 minutes to 9 hours long!
Another is, whenever I’m obsessing over… well, anything… I say, “I release whatever it is that is causing _________ (you fill in the blank). I’m telling you it works for everything from headaches to internal bottomless pits of the soul! Nothing required but a quiet moment to think it and really releasing it while deep breathing a few times. That’s it. A really good time to do it is just before sleeping so it can process as the last conscious thought for awhile.
Well, I hope this helps. It’s the least I could do for how much your characters, both Anita and Merry, have gotten me in touch with the stronger aspects of myself (who needed to learn less aggression and more assertion, as a female. I guess there’s a difference…to be stong AND feminine.)
I wish I had more time to speak with you when you were in Chicago (I was the last person who straggled in at the Library) because I wanted to tell you how much I LOVE how you present Merry being able to heal each of her guards one-by-one and bring them to their own power, all the while transforming herself (or being transformed) into the Ultimate Fertility Goddess! It, literally, takes my breath away and brings me to tears. Her methods don’t hurt, either. ::grinwink::
Also, how Anita really hit home with me and taught me to just do what needs to be done, and the rest will fall into place because the Universe just works that way. Thank you, again.
Ok, I’m done gushing.
May Bright Blessings continue to fall upon you and all of those you love. Thank you for your time.
Katie Smith
i am one who needed this.
i am trying not to cry.
i am lonely (tho not alone).
i am empty and stuck.
i am grateful for your words… here and in your books.
i am scared that i am not strong enough to do what i need to.
I lost my husband 5 1/2 months ago, i think I could have written this. It says so much that I find hard to say.
Thank you! I too have felt the void and I too have lost, there is no easy path. I have used many things that were temporary to fill the void but it’s always there. Happiness is the key and feeling good about yourself and the path you choose to follow. The void can even be useful, I have hidden inside it more than once. It’s not always easy to love yourself or move on, but accepting the losses and the experiences and reliving it and letting it go are things I work on daily. The sun feels good on my face, and the Gods and Goddesses always answer, I just don’t always like thier answers, sometimes I am lazy and the void is larger than. But that is my own path. Yours is one I can relate too.
This is why I love to read your books because you will talk about the things no one else will and you share yourself with us all through your books and your words.
I understand that emptiness feeling, I just retired from the military after 23 plus years and I am struggling to find my way with no job and no direction. I knew the military gave my life structure but I did not realize how much structure it gave ME. After more than half my life being ‘military’ I don’t know how to do anything else and after having little choice I have too much and fear to choose.
The depressing thing is that it feels no one wants me whatever the excuse they give after the job interview, I asked one time why do I need a Bachelor’s Degree to do this job and they said we just want to know you can complete something, I said what does a 23 year military career look like too you? And believe me it was NOT easy, many times I just wanted out.
Why did I stay? Well mostly to take care of my family because they make the emptiness less for me and I hope I do the same for them.
One thing I believe life is about connections whether to causes, people, ideas, beliefs, etc. I feel I lost some of those that I did not even realize had and I struggle to make new ones after a life time of leaving people behind it is hard to open up. Wish me luck and again thanks for your words, I think you are beautiful inside and out, the emptiness just gives people a place to stand and see all the glories around them when they come to visit, like a grand entryway to a wonderful house/home because your home is you.
This is why I read your books. I don’t read them for the surface story, although those stories are very good. I read them for those moments of a soul searcher’s truth, that are found in the conversations between characters. I read them for those moments when I can say, “Aha! There is at least one other person out there who gets it, who truly gets those things that lie hidden in the deepest, most secret and guarded parts of me.”
Exactly this. I kind of feel like sometimes people who don’t get it are the ones who glide along the surface or haven’t been touched by the darkness.
Thank you, Laurell, I appreciate the fact that you opened up like that.
Amen! Thank you for sharing with us, whether through blogging, Facebook or your stories. Believe it or not, Anita Blake has helped me face some of my own demons over the years and I’ve come out a better person for it.
For what it’s worth, you’ve made a difference in my life by giving me a peek at yours through your carachters.
🙂
Thanks Laurell, you have no idea how much I needed this.
thank you ms hamiton. this post came at a good time when i need a boost or maybe just a kick in the butt.
I usually don’t bother with replying for a multitude of reasons, but Damn, you kinda just verbalized what I’ve been feeling for a long time but this morning even more so. So, um… thanks for your honesty and hopefully that empty spot gets a little smaller.
I admire your writing but I admire you more for you’r e thinking, your openness and doing it by your choice., thank you for what you for share willing. Namaste,Betty
I am trying. I don’t know if I have the strength left to fill the hole. I pretend for my daughters and I am a fanfuckingtastic actress, but this is beyond difficult. Thank you, though. For voicing what I have been unable to.
And an awesome pair of shoes can help make that difficult journey a whole lot more fun… Thanks Laurell. The more we acknowledge our broken pieces, the closer we get to accepting and maybe even loving them some day.
Thank you. Thank you for sharing your experiences with a topic that many, including myself, find difficult to talk about because for me not many, if any, people undestand what I mean. I have tried different therapists over the years but I can’t seem to truly open up to them about the darkness. They have all seemed some what, for lack of a better way of putting it, fake and candy coated. So I have made do on my own but it is difficult at times and there are days that are better than others. But it is indeed encouraging to know that there is light somewhere in the tunnel. So again thank you! 🙂
I love that you are so much more than “an author”. I’m grateful that you include real life, and what ever inspires the things that you share on your “professional page”. I’m really glad that I found you, your stories, and your words.
I can’t put into words the reasons that your writing became one of my happy places. I only even wonder because it does help fill some of that dark space and If I can figure out why, I might be able to find more elsewhere. A stepping stone if you will.
The particulars of the things that you share, the truths in how you live differently that what is socially common, and the success that you have found have inspired me to be less hard on myself. I’ve found bits of self-acceptance. I’ve found it in ways that even therapy didn’t quite touch.
So thanks, and Well Wishes!
I like flat shoes on women, short women are hotter, like strappy sandals.
Thank you for writing this. I do know what you mean, and because you do understand — is why your books first spoke to me in a way no others have. Other works speak to different parts of me but Anita first spoke to the “hole” and other things. People who do not understand this and other aspects of Anita — I think this is why there are negative reactions sometimes to your work. It’s the same when you are having troubles IRL and you start speaking about your issues, and people just tell you to “suck it up”. They just have. no. clue.
Thank you again for speaking out about this, because many don’t and you are doing it in a healthy way and winding it into such an enjoyable narrative.
My pets also soothe me — much as Anita’s pets soothe her. I too have a mixed group of dogs and kitties =).
Once again, so aptly described, from the sucking blank hole some of us suffer with inside our souls to finding the path(s) and the hope to work through the issues. Stay strong in your faith and your path. You give the rest of us hope.
You are awesome and so wise, which makes you only more awesome 😉
I’m very happy that you are on a path that is bringing you healing and love of thyself, which is healing (obviously). I am finally on the same path… and doing so much better for it. I still have a long way to go, which I know. And knowing is half the battle. Right? :o)
I wish you health, happiness, and many more blessings.
P.S. I eagerly await your next book! 😀
<3
Thank you for your message. Totally agree with you. Also, when we focus outside of ourselves, our healing will start. bTW, love the shoes.
I have empty space the shape of my 6 month old son who passed away. My empty, dark space is full of your books, my writings, photography and non profit Scared Sidless. Love to you
Thank you, Laurell! Knowing how others work to handle their dark places will always help me handle mine. You are fantastic! Blessed be.
yeah, the shoes rock! I want to go shoe shopping with you!
Thank you. I understand this all too well.
Filling that emptiness I know now what needs to be done. Thank you Laurel
Thank you so much for sharing your self with us. I love your work and know about filling up the holes. It is never easy, but well worth the work to see them full, or as full as they can get.
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve felt this hole for most of my life and not many things have helped to fill/fix it, but I’m starting to work on me and it has been helping. Doing little things for myself, telling myself that I am worth it, and what not has started to help. I don’t think I will ever fully heal this hole, but it’s ok. It’s another part of me and it reminds me that life is all about learning, healing, and being the best person I can be. Thank you again.
this blog speaks to me. i really dont have the words to express how much it does. my son died 7 months ago and i have lived these feelings every day. i actually read affliction while he was in the hospital (we were there for 7 weeks before he passed) so thank you for giving me something to do in my down time. i was recently diagnosed with MS. as if my depression wasnt bad enough, this now ads to it. thank you for sharing. and im saving this blog to go back to read on my really bad days.
I’m a slow learner. I suffer from bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and it’s hard to find a partner that will accept you for who I am, not what my condition is. But I’m trying. I’m, for the first time, putting myself out there, and if a woman doesn’t want the whole me, then I move on. Some days it’s harder than others. I’ve got a huge hole to fill, and I know it starts with myself, but I’ve accepted who and what I am, so now I need to find someone to share life with. I know that will close the hole some. I keep procrastinating on the exercise thing, but I, again, just need to get myself out there and do it. Your words are inspiring, and a good guide for anybody. It was good to see this, because I’ve been feeling down for a few days, and this has lifted my spirits, knowing there are others struggling along the path, and maybe I’ll find that right someone and we can walk the path together. So….if you know any single women that can handle the mental stuff and still would stick by me, let me know. 😀
Thank you so much for sharing with us. This means so much to me. I also like many others have a dark hole. I try to fill it with love & doing for others. This helps but it does not fix it. I hide this from my family & friends. Some days are harder then others. My husband & I seperated 16 months ago. We were married 25 years I married him when I was 16 years old I believed he was my soul mate. This is just one of the things that has made my dark hole even deeper. I pray everyday for strength & guidance to lead me in the direction that I need to go. Your sharing has helped me alot. You are the Best author I have ever had the pleasure of reading. I have never met you but I feel like I know you. God Bless you and your loved ones. Please continue to share with us you are a true inspiration to me.
That is some deep sh*t woman and I dont think anyone but you could have said it so powerfully. Thank you so much for every word in every book, blog, interview and posting. But especially this one. You have taught us so much more then you may realize and it is our deepest blessing that you are able to reach us. Thank you so much for allowing us into some of your life and being brave enough to want us to be there. We are grateful. Blessings to you and those are some damn cute shoes 🙂
By the way Laurell I absolutely love your shoes! They are FABULOUS! !! You have great taste in shoes…
Thank you for sharing and Blessed Be! Why do we feel that way? I am not sure myself, I have a wonderful Husband and two children, for years I always thought it was just me. The Goddess has helped in ways I never knew, But lifes everydays stresses can often throw you off track and you have to find your way back again. I am a dreamer, often lost in my thoughts, I guess that is my therapy. I read alot, I have stories in my head i should bite the bullet and write them down. just let the words flow and see what happens, but with all the loved ones and the support around me, why do I feel that empty void ? I guess I will still search and continue my studies for the Goddess, she seems to be doing a good job 😉 Blessed Be and take care…
I lost my dad at age 29 and my mom at about 50 and something has been missing since .mmy life is good and I see happiness and beauty in a lot of it But something I can’t quite reach is gone. There was a time I thought to take up drinking but was afraid I wouldn’t be able to step away from it so I didn’t drink. We do what we can,try to be good to others and keep searching.
Wow, this really hit home. Thank you for sharing. Although your books are fiction they always have insight to real life lessons. Your last one, A Shiver of Light (don’t worry I wont spoil it for others) really opened my eyes. All things have happened for reason, to make me the person who I am today. I never realized that my parents passing made me stronger, made me love harder which in turn made my daughter a very caring and loving person. I would have made different choices if I have not felt the pain and heart ache. It’s funny because when you are going through the pain someone always says “everything happens for reason” but you never understand it until later. I think it is also true that you have to become your own best friend and really love yourself to make you happy. If you don’t know what makes you happy how can others make you happy? You will always be looking and looking and looking. Thanks for the blog. 🙂
In tears reading this. It was what I needed. I am in such a dark place today and its so easy to let it swallow me but I keep fighting trying not to let it win. I just get so damn lost! Thank you.
As I read this, I began to cry. I understand the void. A lot of things I have experienced have given me that place that I keep trying to fill. Sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning and I don’t know where to start to come back to the surface. Sometimes, I don’t know if I’ll ever get there. There are days where I feel beautiful, wonderful, and right where I should be. Most days, I don’t know. But thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this!!! I found myself deep in a hole many years ago. I couldn’t find my way out of it and finally decided to ask for help. It was the best thing I ever did. I was doing good for many years but recent events have made me fall back into that hole. I know it’s stupid that I’ve been debating whether to ask for help again – I know it works… but thought I could do it myself. Reading this made me decide to quit arguing with myself and pick up the phone and make an appointment. Thank you!!!!
Thank you.
You (either directly or thru Anita and/or Kerry’s voices) have a knack for delivering the exact thing I need to hear at the perfect moment.
This, is completely one of those moments.
Alternatively, Merry’s…and I should use something besides my phone for these things.
Thank you for sharing this! I can completely relate to your blog posting today. I have felt such a hole in my being – a void that can seemingly never be filled that bubbles up at times and recedes like the tide at others. I’ve never had words to describe it to people in my life. It’s a lonely feeling.
Thank you again, your blog spoke to me – made me feel better. I’m a long time fan of your Anita Blake series. You’re a very talented writer.
When I read this entry, it was like everything I always wanted to say was put into words, It gave my hope that I can get better and fill that void that’s been here so long. I’ve been a fan of your writing since 7th grade and its helped me cope with that void. Knowing that you have been going through the same thing, makes me feel not so alone.
Thank you, Cintamini
Thank you so very much for sharing this! My best friend of many years, closer than a sister or a lover, recently passed away a few weeks ago and my life has been forever changed. No well meaning words have given me comfort because it felt like people simply didn’t understand. I didn’t want to rejoice and be thankful she was no longer suffering. I didn’t care about some abstract idea of peace. I was angry she was gone and just wanted her back. I didn’t care if it sounded selfish. And talking to her spirit just wasn’t the same as talking face to face. I would never again see her smile, hear her laugh, cry together, hug each other, nothing. It was all gone and telling me I would see her again in Heaven meant nothing. It felt like no one understood. I saw and read your post and I cannot begin to describe how much comfort it gave to just have someone that I felt understood and didn’t tell me ridiculous things like it would be ok. The fact that you simply told the truth and spoke from your heart finally got through. I felt so much better afterwards that I shared your post and her mother said it truly helped her as well. So I want to say thank you. Thank you for being honest and genuine and most of all, thank you for being strong and courageous enough to share your pain and your triumphs. Blessed be!
Reading this today is just so appropriate. I’ve been fighting this same black hole as long as I can remember. I won’t go into details, but I’ve been through a lot of total crap in the last few years and right now I’m trying to just get myself together and finally get a chance to do the things that make me happy, instead of pleasing everyone else. Today, someone told me I had no idea how it feels to be down and out and I guess I must have a better handle on things than I used to because I managed to put her in her place without losing my temper. So I must be doing something right.
I have ambitions to write, but even though I spend half my waking hours in my other worlds, real life intrudes WAY too often and the black hole pulls at me. I’m hoping that once I get a few last real life things under control, I’ll be able to concentrate on the writing. I have so many stories in my head that need to be out in print, its a wonder my head doesn’t explode.
You are a real inspiration to me. I saw you at DragonCon one year. I went to 4 or 5 panels that you were in. Never had a chance for an autograph, but the memories are enough. I can’t wait to get the new Merry book.
I hope you keep writing for a long time and I hope you keep up this blog. I love reading it. It’s like talking with a friend over coffee.
Thank you!
Thank you Laurell. I needed this post today. In just reading it twice, I have begun to fill the vast void inside of me. I find hope, wisdom and love in your words. Hopefully you’ve helped me onto the path I need to be on as the pain I feel is wearing me down and its time to change things for the better. Ps I love your shoes. X
Wonderful blog. Thank you so very much for sharing.
Thanks,sometimes it’s nice to hear things that cross your mind said by someone else. Makes you realize you are not the only one who feels this way.You have given me “Food for Though” as the saying goes,because sometimes even we don’t know how to Help our Selfs.
I wanted to leave some special insightful and deeply personal message but nothing I could think of encompassed it better then a simple ‘Thank you, you are not alone’.
It is a late reply, but I just had the opportunity to read this. Thank you for writing it. This world we live in, is much more fast paced, than what we are truly meant for, and often we need to be reminded on how important it is to pause and look within ourselves. About a year and a half ago, I lost my mother to a very rare heart disease. As a means of coping with her loss. I threw myself, head-first, into working two jobs, back to back, and have yet to slow down. Reading what you wrote, has given me a nice, “tug on the elbow,’ reminding me that it’s not always about staying super busy, but instead, slowing down and allowing reflection.