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This morning was the kind of morning that separates the adults from the children on an exercise plan. I did not want to get up at 5 AM. I wanted to cuddle next to my warm, softly sleeping husband, Jon, and just forget the whole thing. I made the mistake of rolling over and cuddling closer to him. God, he was so warm. I snuggled against him and it felt so good, and I was so tired, and it was dark, and . . . whine, whine, whine. It took twenty minutes for me to actually get up, but I did it. I got dressed in exercise clothes, made my way through the pitch dark house. I was up so early that for once Sasquatch, our pug, was still sound asleep in his crate. I actually had to wake him up to scoot him and me outside into the soft unlight of predawn. I say unlight because it’s not dark, really, but it’s not dawn either. The air seems to shine around all the black outlines of things, but it’s as if the light comes from everywhere and nowhere: unlight. It was enough to see Sasquatch as a pale shape as he wandered through the yard. Then back inside, treat the dog, grab two bottles of water and over to the other side of the house and the gym. Yes, we have an in-house gym, but I only use it for predawn treadmill. I prefer to go out of the house to a gym, because as I work out of my house, I need the social interaction of a gym. It gets entirely too lonely, and isolating, without seeing more people on a regular basis. The gym has the extra benefit of me not having to talk to most of the people. The best of both worlds, but then I have an exercise partner, Carri, so I get enough talking. Though some days we work out like guys, very little talking, and just lifting the weights. Some days, we work out more girl, and it’s a little slower, a little more friendly. Yes, there are plenty of women who work out very seriously with little visiting, and there are men who are Chatty Cathy’s, but general;y it works the other way.

This morning, wouldn’t have been any more pleasant with a workout partner. Carri and I would just have growled at each other. It was most definitely a morning not to inflict my mood on anyone, but me. I stretched out, very slowly, very carefully. I’ve had some friends that have injured themselves stretching out before hand, and our new trainer would prefer we stretch out after a warm up, but I’ve found my injury rate less when I stretch out before I hit the treadmill, but the theory of warmer muscles stretching more easily is a sound one. I’m willing to try both.

I turned on lights as I went, too sleepy to wander safely in the dark even in my own house. Stretching done, and I was finally on the treadmill. Some mornings I’m eager at this point to get started. This morning it was about just doing it. Headset on, music chosen; I started with Godsmack. But I’ve been listening to it too much, so I went back to my treadmill standard, Korn. I did a slow warm up and then hit my speed. I was able to do a sustained 3.4-3.5 and then I was able to up it to 3.6. A personal best walking on the treadmill. I finished one bottle of water on the treadmill and started the second as soon as I was done. I did an hour and just a few minutes over, because my twenty minute cuddle-a-bed had taken my chance to do an hour and thirty minutes. I haven’t actually made it to 90 minutes yet, but that is the goal.

Did I feel better for having done the treadmill? Yes, and no. Yes, I felt good that I’d done it on a day when I was so not motivated to do it. No, there was no burst of energy, no endorphin pay-off. That’s unusual for me, actually, I usually hit an endorphin rush about twenty minutes into it, but not this morning.

I’ve been getting a lot of people telling me how great I look, and how did I lose fifty pounds and how do I keep it off? This morning is an answer to that. I’ve worked my ass off, literally, well, okay plenty of curves left on me, and I like it that way. I want to lean down, and muscle up, not be skinny. I don’t give a damn what I weigh. I care how many inches I can trim and how I fit in my clothes, and let’s all be honest, how we look out of our clothes motivates us a lot. I’ll admit it if you will. People also ask me how I can keep up the quality and quantity of all those books I write, well, the exercise is one of the ways I do that. It energizes me, normally, gives me better stamina for everything in my life. I also find that one of the ways I relax best is to do something very physical, and get out of my head and into my body.

Why wasn’t today more fun? No idea, and I am tired of water, but by 4 this afternoon had my sixty ounces done. I ate nuts, fruit and some Kashi cereal for breakfast with almond milk. Lara bars have become my friend. Lunch was not so healthy so I ate less of it. Dinner was very healthy and the beginning of our new nutrition plan. Did I want to eat something else? Yes. But it’s all about the goal. Set your eye on it, commit to it, and freaking do it. It’s the same way I write a book. I set my goal, I know my deadline and I do it. I write on days when I am not inspired. Waiting for the right mood to write is for amateurs. Ray Bradbury said it years ago, “The Muse cannot resist a working writer.” I find my muse and I like to be busy. Well, exercise is the same way. You do it because you have a goal, not necessarily because it sounds like a barrel of fun today. I also worked out with a new personal trainer in the afternoon, but some of the new exercises didn’t work with my healing, but still gimpy ankle. He is going to modify the program to take it into account. I hate breaking in a new trainer, as I imagine he hates breaking in a new client. Why the trainer? Because I’m a writer, not an athlete, I know words, not exercise. I want to learn more about how to move my body and make it stronger, healthier. To do that I’ll probably see O-dark-thirty tomorrow morning, too. Or maybe, the warm and sleepy cuddling will overwhelm me tomorrow, and that’s okay as long as it doesn’t happen too often. Like writing a book, building a better body, is all about how much consistent, day in, day out, you put into it. Tomorrow after treadmill and breakfast, and our daughter, Trinity, is off to school, I’ll be starting a new book. By 9 o’clock tomorrow morning I want to be at my desk working, with exercise and a healthy breakfast behind me, and water, mustn’t forget the water. Here’s hoping the endorphins get up with me tomorrow morning. It’s lonely without them.