New Blog – The Four of Us

Oct 17, 2014

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We’re getting ready for Halloween and have just finished carving pumpkins. Our foursome is complete and under one roof, Genevieve and Spike have moved in with us! We are forming a household together. One of the interesting things that’s been happening is that we aren’t getting to sleep until very late. Yes, sometimes it’s for fun and nefarious reasons, but more often it’s just that the conversation that started at dinner keeps going until late. We talk like people who don’t see each other often and have to catch up, but we’re doing it night after night. This is after celebrating four years of dating long distance.

When we first started talking seriously about moving in together there was an afternoon down at Spike and Genevieve’s house where we’d talked about everything from biology – birds, migrating geese, Monarch butterflies, dragons; video games – Shadows of Mordor, Assassins Creed, Dragon Age, to Star Wars. We’d talked for at least two hours and the far ranging conversation showed no signs of slowing down. The conversation had gotten quite silly with Jon and Spike taking turns doing lines from one of their shared geeky interests and making both Genevieve and me laugh.

Spike said, “This, if we couldn’t do this together I wouldn’t have agreed to trying to move in.”

“Me, either,” I said, “if we couldn’t do this it wouldn’t work.”

All four of us have what they used to call lively minds, which means we’re quick mentally, verbally, and all of us can hold our own in topics from heavy to light. You never know if we’ll be talking philosophy, religion, science, guns, weaponry in general, childhood memories, favorite movies, games, politics, places we want to visit together, places we’ve been, and just sharing the chemistry of four people who have found that they never bore each other.

I can show in my novels the sex and kink, the romance, the conversations that are pertinent to the character development, or plot of a given book, but I can’t show you the conversations that are utterly necessary to being a great “couple” because they would have nothing, or very little, to do with any plot. In real life it’s both more silly and more serious than I ever get to show on screen. All serious conversations in the writing must serve the larger purpose of the novel it’s in, but in reality there is no plot, no overarching plan for the “season”, or the series. You spend a lot of time winging it in real life, but in a mystery series you really can’t do that. I love any time I’ve been able to show the silliness that is absolutely necessary for me to be in a happy coupleness. I’m never going to be able to discuss politics, or philosophy on stage unless it relates directly to the book I’m writing. I slip in a few geeky happy moments, but mostly it’s all editing the fiction down to serve the purpose of the plot. Real life doesn’t work that way, it is far messier, surprising, even shocking, the turns that your world can take when you say, yes, to the adventure before you.

J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan said, “To live would be an awfully big adventure.”

It really can be if you’re willing to believe in the magic of the people around you, and understand that it’s not all romance and hot sex, that sometimes you have to plan menus and decide who does the dishes, but if you do it right, even that is part of the adventure. After all, if you don’t have dinner you never get to desert. Yeah, *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Laughs!

55 thoughts on “New Blog – The Four of Us”

  1. You, all of you, are a shining light in a murky sea. Such easy conversations, such relaxed interactions, are the pinnacle of love and friendship. You are blessed threefold and you do not hide it, you are so happy and proud that you let us peek into the web of connections that is your happy life, thank you for that.

    And thank you for showing that polyamorous relationships aren’t about sex, or kink… or certainly they’re not all about that. It’s just about being willing to open your heart enough to let more than one person in. It’s difficult, but it can be oh so worth it.

    I have idolised you for… well, I won’t be indelicate by putting time periods on us both. But you have always been the kind of author I want to be. The more I learn of you though, through your words and through friends, the more I realise that you’re the kind of person I want t be.

    1. So glad you’re having a good time (she says sulkily). Now get back to your desk. I’m Anita Blake deprived!

  2. If you were to occasionally release occasional e-shorts that portray Anita and company during ‘down time’, I’d happily buy them.

      2. Third it. It would a nice break from her marshal duties and some of the funniest stuff comes from when she just hanging out…..remember when she had movie night?

    2. I’ll third it! We love seeing Anita an even Merry in all aspects of their life and relationships.

  3. Actually, in the book Peter Pan says *to die* would be a very big adventure. They changed it for the movie.

  5. I do think though that with Anita and her men especially just a few words and I see the long talks and the working out problems and logistics of who does what even though you don’t go into pages of details.

  6. That’s great that the four of you are finally all living together! I wish you all the best, and hope you manage to get some sleep in there as well after all those long talks. However, as an inquisitive person I wonder about the logistics of your living arrangement. Does everyone share the same bed or do you have two separate bedrooms with the original couples? I just wonder how the meshing of physical lives works for you guys.

    All the best!

  7. Congratulations on taking the leap into poly-cohabitation! I have been living with both my spouses and our assorted off-spring for over 13 years now and I am here to tell you that those late night conversations just get better! Namaste’!

  8. I hope to, one day, achieve what the four of you have done with my own life and partners. Thank you for sharing your experiences, both the hardships and the successes. It brings me hope! As much as I love reading your novels, it is more of a comfort to read these true tales 🙂

  9. so happy for you all…congrats!

    i actually wouldn’t mind reading about the “conversations that don’t matter” every once in awhile. they would nice little surprises to see the different sides of their relationships.

  10. Just out of curiosity, sorry to be personal but do Genevieve and Spike have their own room or do you all have one room?

  11. As a poly entity for many a year. I wish you all the best. I know the time, effort, energy and trust that goes into making any relationship work- particularly those with more than 2 individuals. I will light a candle for you all. BB

  12. Thank you for sharing that exhilarating glimpse into new relationship energy for poly folks! My husband and I are polyamorous and, thanks to him, I have read most of your books. I hope that if anybody reading this wonders about The Foursome or polyamory, they will ask questions or Google to their hearts’ content. Communication is the heart of our poly relationships and you showed that so vividly in your blog. I wish you happiness as long as love shall last!

  13. I’m so happy for y’all. Finding love in this world is the only thing that matters.
    blessed be sister!

  15. Congrats!

    We have a Tribe household of 10. That in itself presents it’s own challenges. I wouldn’t have it any other way though. 🙂

  16. We just celebrated 25 years of living together. Our lives are so much more fuller and happy. Our blended grown children love having 2 Dads plus me.

  18. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU!!! I’m so excited and happy that you all found each other and that you all had the courage to follow your collective bliss.

  19. I am so happy for you all! It is great to hear that such love is possible and I am not even involved I can’t imagine how it feels for you.

    I wanted to say dialogue in writing can be difficult and I have noticed a lack of it in more modern writings but I especially noticed it in old movies; how the dialogue is critical to the story and makes the scenes deeper in meaning and context. To quote another movie(National Treasure): Abigail:You know, people don’t talk that way anymore. Ben:I know. But they think that way.

    Our whole society is losing the art of conversation because of social media everything is shortened like just saying “I Love You” is shortened to i luv u, really what is that three letters less? And there is no context for anything so you put your own spin on it, if you are happy, then its good, if you are unhappy then what they said is bad even if it was totally not intended that way. Body language is a majority of communication, but we don’t see it anymore. Even my previous statements can be miss construed and yes I am aware of the irony of using social media to point out some of it’s negative side effects.

    Well enough of my soap box, I really just wanted to congratulate you all and say I hope things only get better and better.

  20. I’m just so happy to see others enjoying life and each other to the fullest!! I recently seperated from my husband and seeing the four of you together and making it just lets me know their may be a chance for me at happiness again. Thank you for the awesomeness that is your life and the books that are my life right now. Anita is helping me through a very rough time… Blessed Be 🙂

  22. i’m so happy for all of you. i wish you and your significant others all the best on your next grand adventure!
    thank you for showing that love works in all its mysterious ways and that some of us are really living out their dreams both in reality and the fantasy of their
    dreams and wishes.

  23. You are an inspiration to me in so many ways. Thankyou for sharing your life so openly and happily with us.

  24. Congratulations!!! My fiance and I discovered at the very beginning of our friendship that we could talk about everything very easily…and are still doing just that, 6-1/2 years later! This is his first *real* love relationship, my second…but it was the same with my first love, too. Oh, I’m so happy for all of you, including your daughter! WOOOOOT!!!

  26. I never knew… I’m not sure if I should have known, for certain known, though I’ve always suspected, that you were poly in your life as well as writing about it so beautifully, wonderfully well. I’ve always wanted to tell you… it’s like you write my life, particularly in Anita’s world, you write my loves and my fears and my troubles and my hopes and every other part of me. You write my partners and our interactions and their interactions with each other. You write my life so thoroughly that it would almost be a little disturbing if you didn’t do it so incredibly, so lovingly and beautifully and genuinely.
    This post brought me to tears. I want you to know how much you and your work mean to me, and how much I love you, and how happy I am to see your happiness.
    Thank you, so much, for everything you are, and for being you.

  28. Congratulations on getting your poly under one roof I had a not so successful attempt at that earlier in life however the good times are amazing the bad time were horrible here’s hoping to millions of good times and just a couple of bad ones we always wondered while reading your books if you had first-hand knowledge of BDSM kink and polyamory we at least know the answer to one of those again many congratulations and much love to you guys

  29. Bless you all-you are living a life I can only dream about. But that is what makes reading your writing so EPIC. Knowing that you have evolved and the work evolves too. Even though you can’t mention a lot of things in your stories-they are in “the ether” around your words and your characters and the whole world would crash around us if you were not speaking from experience. You write with heart, soul and love-REAL LOVE-not the “supposed to” love that everyone just accepts as happiness. It is hollow and lonely because it kills our souls bit by bit. Thank you for not settling and by being true to yourself-your writing is EPIC!!!All of your beloveds sound wonderful too! Have a boo-tiful Halloween!

  30. I absolutely love your writing. You sound so happy and your love for them sounds so wonderful. I am ecstatic for you.

  31. I admire you and everything connected to you!
    I read every blog with so much interes that I’m not sure I have any space left to save it!

  32. I’m happy for you. I love your books. I’m glad your household is complete. I love communal living. Many blessings and hope you have much fun.

  34. Congratulations on a big step in your lives! I wish you the best. Hopefully polyamory and the family units it creates will become more accepted in our lifetime

  35. I am thrilled you all have each other and can now be fully together. We keep hoping to find our third and/or forth. We are keeping our hearts open to what the universe brings to us.

    Just enjoy it all. Be happy.

  36. An “ordinary” moment which has stuck with me was one of the books ending in Anita and Micah reading a book to Nathaniel. No matter how many times I re-read my audio collection of Anita and Merry, I learn more about relationships and how to balance them. For a writer of violennce, you are an expert teacher of peace and harmony.

  37. Please accept my congratulations on everyone being safe and happy under one roof!! Blesssings to you all and thank you for sharing your bliss! Much love from me!

  38. I’ve been polyamorous for as long as I can remember. I’ve never been lucky enough to join the two or three loves together. I live in a area where that just isn’t talked about. You can’t even google gay bars in my area itsba hush hush. But, by reading your books it helps me live my wants, dreams, desires vicariously until the time comes that it can be reality. Thank you for the journey into becoming hetero flexible it really helps those live in hiding.

  40. What a heartwarming way to share your happiness. There is definitely not enough attention these days drawn to poly relationships that actually work – and no worse or inherently naughtier than the more mainstream counterparts. And to hear it confirmed from someone who has written so much widely read fiction about it is even more delightful.

    As a publisher myself, I would certainly love to both put out and promote more works that would paint this form of family dynamic in such a positive light. So, please, let me know if you would ever be open to an interview on our site to this extent that we would love to promote to our 70K+ social media contacts, and I would be happy to get in touch with our interview questions – which we can certainly tie in with your next release.

    Best Regards and congratulations!

    Lisa Gus

    1. I wish you all the happiness in the world . It is so hard in the United States to have together what you have. so much blessings type and your’s.

  41. It is so wonderful to hear about polyamorous in a great positive light. And to hear the happiness from you and yours is awesome. Thanks so much for sharing this blog with the rest of us and now… *cracking whip* Anita please?

  42. Congratulations on the happiness you have found, Laurell!

    I often find the comments sections more interesting than the posts. On this post, it’s heartwarming to see the many posts from long-term poly people.

    It’s rare to see “normal” marriages lasting beyond 10 years. I’m glad to see so many poly relationships are making it. It gives me hope for our poly family.

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