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This question came into me:

Darla forwarded it to me, as she often does when she can’t figure out an answer, but, frankly, I was stumped. Why would the sexual content of my books bother Jonathon? I would have simply not answered the question except that we’ve been asked simular questions in person on tour, so if enough of you are asking it must be something you truly puzzle over. So I decided to try and answer the question, trouble was, I didn’t understand the question enough to answer it. So, I went to Jonathon and asked his opinion, but he didn’t get it either. I mean, I could simply answer the question with a, no, he is not intimidated, bothered, or embarrassed, by the sex in my books. I use all those words because the question often comes with one of these three words. There; the question is answered. I could also answer it by commenting that Jon had been a fan of the books from the beginning, and by the time we started dating he’d already read the sex scenes in the early books, so he knew what he was getting into before we married. But again, I’m not sure that answers the actual thing that you, the fans, want to know.

I went further a field, asking friends, if they understood the question better than I did. Finally, a girlfriend said these words of wisdom, "They want to know if Jon is intimidated having to live up to the sex in the books."

Oh. No, who do you think gets to be my "research" assistant if I’m trying something new for a scene? Also, do you really think that I didn’t find out if Jon and I were compatible in the bedroom, and on the couch, and the floor, and any other surface that would hold us. Having made the mistake of marrying the first time without driving the car around the block a few times, I was not going to make the same mistake twice. A lot of women that I know prize a man being a good provider and father above love making skills. They usually list sex as third, or even further down the list, for me it’s second, and a close second. What’s first? Dependability. If you’re not dependable, someone that I can rely on, then I’m not nearly as interested. And by the way, girls, do not believe that that undependable dream boat will marry you and suddenly become dependable; it does not work that way. Yeah, yeah, I know that friend, or two, who married an undependable man and he magically turned into a great stable husband, but we all know way more friends who have found that who you marry is who you marry, and they don’t change just because you put a ring on them. Don’t buy into that fixer-upper-dream; he’s a man, not a house. Make sure you like the layout before you move in, not after. But getting back to sex, and you knew we would, no, Jon is not in the least intimidated by the sex in my books. I don’t make up the sex guys, I’m not exaggerating on how wonderful it can be, and since Jon’s the one I’m having the sex with, why would he be intimidated.

Another friend said, "They think that they’d be embarrassed to have their wife write such erotic scenes."

Oh. That’s easy to answer, if Jon were the kind of man that was embarrassed by what I wrote we’d have probably never been good friends in the first place, let alone dated. So, again, no. I admit that part of what contributed to my first marriage falling apart was that my ex was embarrassed by the erotic content of my books. In fact, if he’d had his way we would never, ever have had sex with Jean-Claude, and Richard only because he was human, and thus it wasn’t as bad, but frankly, he didn’t see why I needed my characters to have sex ever. He did come to me years later and apologize for this bit of advice. He told me, that he didn’t think my books would have become so popular if I’d listened to him. One of the reasons we were married so long is, at heart, we are both very logical and reasonable people. In my ex’s defense, he married me when we were both in college a couple of years before I would write the first Anita short story, let alone the first book. So he didn’t really know what he was getting into, and honestly, I didn’t know that I’d be writing what I’m writing now back then. As a writer you evolve, and if you’re lucky, find your voice. My voice as a writer was just too dark and too sexual for his comfort level. I learned something from that bit of controversy between myself and my first husband, and that is that I need someone who matches me in logic and reasoning skills, but I also need someone who feels as passionately about things as I do. I am a practical romantic, a logical sensualist, a business-like artist; these are not easy combinations to find. I found that in men I could have my logic and intelligence without practicality or passion, or I could find practicality without any understanding of the artsy side of me, or I could find passion but no practicality, or I could find good business sense but no artistic sensibilities . . . you get the idea. Jonathon and I found a match for our nearly polar opposite sides of ourselves in each other. So the short answer to the original question is, "Would I be stupid enough to marry a man that wasn’t completely comfortable with what I wrote, again? I don’t think so."

On the whole, why is Jonathon so secure to not be bothered, well . . . Jonathon and I have talked about it, and we can’t figure out why he would feel insecure in the first place about the sexual content of my fiction. His reply to why is he secure, was, "I just am." My reply is that I found when I first started dating after my first marriage broke up, that the men my age and older were bothered by what I wrote, or even bothered by the fact that my career was as important to me, as their’s was to them, or bothered by the fact that I was more "successful" than they were, but that men seven or more years younger than myself weren’t bothered by any of that. Now, I am sure there are men my age and even older that would have been okay with it all, but I never found them. Just as I am certain there are younger men who would be intimidated by it all, but I did find several men in the younger age group that just didn’t have a problem with any of it. My theory is that most of them had mothers that worked outside the house, or knew a lot of friend’s mothers that did, so the working woman was normal for them. On the success, the younger men expect that part of what a woman brings to a marriage is her earning capabilities; a two income household is a given in most young men’s minds. Also, the younger men understand that women that can earn their own living expect the men to be handsome, or pretty, or whatever, that means you don’t expect the woman to be slim and in shape, but let yourself go to pot, and think the fact that you earn money will make up for that expanded waistline and lack of muscle tone. Just as a woman is now expected to bring a job to the table of marriage, a lot of the young women expect the man to keep up his end of the attractive scale. It’s a more even handed dynamics. Now women can get heart attacks from job stress, and young men are one of the fastest growing groups with eating disorders. Those last two things aren’t good, but the idea behind a more equal dating field seems to be a good idea, but like all good ideas, theory and practice are not always the same. But to me, there had been a definit improvement on the dating field in the decade and change I’d been out of the game. Men who liked that I worked and was successful, and who weren’t intimidated by me being sexual aggressive, okay, once I convinced Jon that I didn’t want him just for his body, and he wasn’t just my rebound, then he wasn’t intimidated.

I’m still not sure we’ve answered the question, but it’s as much an answer as we have for you guys, because in the end, neither Jonathon, nor I, really, truly understand the question being asked in the first place.