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Hard day today.  I’m having to coax myself to concentrate.  How?  Make a deal with myself, do two pages, then can get up and get a fresh cup of tea.  Do one page more, then get some sugar free gum.  Do a few more pages, then I can change out the music in the player.  I’ve listened to nothing but musicals all day: "The Producers" ; "Guys and Dolls" ; "Camelot".  I’ve got a stack of musicals waiting to go next.  Usually I can listen to one musical per book over and over, but not this time.  This time one time through and I’m ready to change music.  I can’t settle on anything.  I’d started the rewrite with "Guys and Dolls", then moved to the "The Producers", but today I had to admit that it wasn’t doing the job.  Distraction, I need distraction to finish this up. 

Two pages, then I can check e-mail.  A few more pages, then can call a friend.  A little further on, and can get a glass of water; more tea; snacky-bit.  I’m about to go over to the main part of the house and get a bag of sugar free candy.  I know it’s nervous eating, which I don’t usually do, but I just can’t seem to find my calm center today.  F**ck. 

Pip has managed to drag one of the smaller dog beds out into the middle of the floor, with Sasquatch still on it when he was doing the furniture rearranging.  That was amusing.  But the amusement does not last. 

A few more pages, and this was actually a lot of pages, and I promised myself a blog, and here I am.  I jumped almost a hundred pages forward before this reward.  It doesn’t seem to matter what the reward is, just something to get me up and moving and away from the desk for a few minutes.  Though the eating and drinking is my oral fixation, which only happens when I’m really tense.  It’s not about the food, or the drink, it’s about the sensation of something in your mouth.  Yeah, yeah, my family took my pacifier away too early, or something, but I know I do this, and I also know it’s not about food.  It’s literally about the sensation of something in my mouth.  Knowing the difference between craving food, and just mouth craving, has helped me drop from a size fourteen to a size eight.  And yes, think what you like about the "oral fixation", and yes that is one of my favorite things to do, but there is no way on God’s green earth to do that and type.  So, that particular oral fix is off the table while I work.  More’s the pity. 

Okay, back to work, time to change desks.