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We celebrated Summer Solstice in style last night. Today is the official longest day of the year, and happy Father’s Day, too, but since we were still up visiting past midnight we brought the Solstice in right. We had rented a big tent that has been up in the yard for a few days prior to the party. It was part of what the workmen were doing on one side of my office windows last week. Why didn’t I blog about the details last week? Because I was nervous about it all. I mean we’d planned this months ago, but it wasn’t until I saw the size of the tent with it’s wooden floor and lights and fans that it really hit me that this was like a major party. My idea of a party up to this point has been having friends over, and everyone bring something to eat or drink. We talk, we visit, we remember why we’re all friends in the first place. We have movie nights that can include a small group and sometimes there is cooking, but it’s very causual. As the big, white tent went up I realized this wasn’t causual. It would take me a few days of seeing it being erected to realize it wasn’t just the noise the workmen were making that was distracting me from writing. In fact, it wasn’t until yesterday as we all waited for the caterers to arrive with food; the rental company to bring tables and chairs; our landscaper to do just a few more things; and had people there early to help with it all that I began to get nervous in the front of my head. Apparently I’d been nervous in the back of my head for a few days, but yesterday it rose to the front of my consciousness and I had moments of my old social panic. Oh, yeah, I used to be horribly shy when I was about fourteen to fifteen and before, of course, but that was the year that I decided to change. Shyness can actually run in families so some of it is genetic, but a lot of it’s socailization. My grandmother, bless her heart, was shy and uncomfortable in social situations especially if she was unfamiliar with either the people or the protocol invovled. At somewhere around fifteen I decided I could either spend the rest of my life shy and feeling scared most of the time or I could choose to change. I joined speech team and Drama club, the Thespians, and cured my shyness by immersion therepy. It worked, and my theater training has stood me in good stead as I’ve traveled the country meeting and greeting everyone. By the time I got to college I was outwardly cured, but it would actually take Science Fiction Conventions putting me on panels to take that last edge of nerves away. Debbie Millitello good friend and fellow member of my writing group was at the party last night. She and I cemented our friendship years ago by being on a panel together and realizing that it was both our knees making the tablecloth shake. It helped us be braver to know that we were both that scared, and we bonded over it. Last night for the first time in years I was suddenly overwhelmed by that old feeling of not knowing what to do. I live nearly constantly outside any social boundaries I was raised within, and most of the time I wing it just fine, but last night I had a few moments. I wanted to find a piece of tent pole and hold it up and hide, but I was hostess and I couldn’t. Jon was doing his usual social flitting about and being easy and good at it. I thought, I can’t do this, then I had a better thought. Everyone we invited loves me, or at least likes me. That thought helped me calm down and get a handle on the weird blast-from-the-past mood. After that, and some encouraging talks with various friends, it was all good. In fact, it was amazing.

I will blog later about the fact that my ankle and Jon’s knee allowed us to dance for the first time in years. Admittedly, I am hurting this morning, but not too badly and it was well worth it. We had invited musical guests S. J. Tucker, Ginger Doss, and Bekah Kelso; who were fantastic. I knew S. J. was amazing in person, but had never had the pleasure of hearing Ginger or Bekah live. Wow. The harmonies alone were worth coming to the show. I’ll blog in more detail about the show, the music, and the fire-spinning. S. J. and her other half K helped us heat things up and bring Summer Solstice in with fire, music, and dancing. Ye-hah!