Tag: Merry Christmas

You be you, Boo-boo, and I’ll be me.

I tried to be jollier than I actually felt for the family holiday get-together. I had these candy cane tights that Genevieve had helped me find; I used to love Christmas the way she loves Halloween, but even at my most ho-ho-ho, I never dressed in the bold colors of the season. I’ve owned one Christmas Sweater in my life and it was a gift. But I had these tights so I put them on and then I had a red skirt and a red shirt and even red laces in my boots. I looked very festive, but the more I passed a mirror the less like me I looked. Who was this person dressed all in bright red with candy canes on their legs? It was jarring every time I caught a glimpse of myself, like seeing a stranger when you were expecting to just see yourself.

I tried to keep the outfit on until the family arrived, and I made it for the first guests that arrived a little early, but by that time I was so unhappy that I excused myself and went up to change. I tried just changing red skirt for black, the boots were black so it still matched. I looked in the mirror and it was a relief to see less color and more black, some tension eased in my shoulders that had been growing all day. But it still wasn’t enough, I still didn’t feel like me, so I got out a black shirt with white lettering that says, “I’m only here because I heard Santa’s elves would be here.” There are red and green elf hats at the bottom of the shirt, but other than that it’s black. I put that on and suddenly there was enough black to balance out the bright blue, red, and green of the candy cane tights. This I could manage.

I went back downstairs to greet more guests still looking festive, but when I caught glimpses of myself in the mirrors it still looked like me. I was much happier and the evening went well. It was a good holiday with everyone, but to enjoy it I had to be me. That’s my bit of wisdom to share today, be yourself. If you are a Who down in Whoville that wants to decorate the house from top to bottom including a Santa Claus Hat with a bell on it for yourself and an apron covered in gingerbread men then go for it; be happy! But if you’re more Grinch, or Goth, then honor that. Find a black t-shirt with a funny, but non-insulting holiday image on it ( I say non-insulting if you’re going to be around family or friends that are more Whoville than you are. Let’s not start the family brawl if we can avoid it.) On the other hand, my fellow Goths do not let The Who’s pressure you into dressing like they do, unless you want to do it. Do not let them put you in something that makes you feel like a stranger to yourself, as if the body snatchers have come and whisked you away. Be yourself, especially during the holidays. It’s stressful enough without feeling like you’re wearing someone else’s clothes. And for you happy Who’s don’t get mad at your Grinch or Goth, if they want to wear black even on Christmas Day. It’s who they are and you love them, right?

So let’s avoid the Christmas wars this year and everyone be themselves. Be the happiest most you version of yourself this year and remember to honor the people you love and their level of Christmas cheer. If you are a Who, allow the family Goths to wear black, or at least don’t force them to wear that bright sweater with the glowing reindeer on it. If you’re a Grinch, don’t suck the happiness out of your family Who’s by behaving as if just sitting down to dinner with all of them is torture worthy of the Spanish Inquisition. Also, no sullenness or whining unless you’re under ten and need a nap. Sullenness and whining sucks the crunchy goodness out of everyone’s holiday no matter what side of Santa’s list you’re on.

So happy holidays, everyone! May you Who’s enjoy the season, the whole shiny package! May you Grinch’s find something to enjoy in between all this crass commercialism! May you Goths find a black shirt that celebrates the season just enough to keep the rest of the family from shoving you into an ugly holiday sweater! May those of you who love the big family and friends dinners have all the happy togetherness and great food you want! May those of you who think that Christmas should be spent alone reading by a fire with not a mouse stirring find your peaceful haven! Whatever the holidays mean to you, whatever will bring you the most joy, the most peace, the most contentment may you find it for the holidays and all the rest of the new year.

The least wonderful time of the year

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Christmas used to be my favorite holiday of the year, but that was awhile ago. I realized this year that I hate Christmas, the whole Christmas season, but unlike Dr. Seuss’ Grinch I don’t want to take the holiday away from everyone else, I just want free of it myself.

 
It’s Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year and the reason for all the celebrations near that astrological happening is that our ancestors were afraid that the sun might not return. They were an agricultural people that understood that without the heat of the sun, they were pretty much screwed, so they threw a party to invite the sun back, to wish him back to life and strength so that we could all live another year. It was the rebirth of the sun long before Christianity made it the birth of the son of God. I get throwing a great, big party to keep our spirits up. It’s like whistling in the dark when you hear that scary noise. We celebrate Winter Solstice because in the darkest, coldest part of the year we need to light a few candles against the dark, eat good food, drink strong spirits, visit with friends and family, play games, tell stories, and do all the things that make us feel positive and less afraid of the darkness. If that’s what the holiday was actually about, I could get behind that, even enjoy it, but that’s not what Solstice, Christmas, Yule, Hanukah – pick your holiday – has become.

 
The Winter Holiday season has become a billion dollar industry. It has become the time when a lot of businesses make the majority of their profit for the year and the only way they can do that is by us buying things from them. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that, I am a great fan of capitalism, being a capitalist myself, but the pressure to buy gifts, the perfect gift, and find that perfect gift year after year is a lot of pressure. The message that somehow if you don’t spend enough on your family, especially the children, that you’re bad parents. I love Santa Claus, but for those parents that can’t afford the big gifts, it is an ideal that leaves a lot of small children across the country disappointed on Christmas morning.

 
And let me just say now, I feel totally cheated by years of Hallmark and Folger’s Coffee commercials, because life is almost never like that, or at least my life wasn’t. These commercials, and others like them, are the romance novels of family life; they set unrealistic expectations that leave most of us feeling like there must be something wrong with us because we aren’t that warm, that loving, that perfect.

 
Real life is never perfect. It’s not supposed to be. So let me strike a blow for all of us that are struggling this Christmas morning with reality versus what we wanted the day to be. It’s okay that your dinner wasn’t perfect. It’s perfectly human to burn at least one dish, or have that turkey a little dry, or whatever went wrong with the big meal. Take a deep breath, let it out slow, and tell anyone that complains that next year they get to cook the dinner.

 
Did you not find the perfect present for everyone on your list? Me either. It’s okay, your friends and family love you anyway, and anyone who doesn’t love you because their gift didn’t meet their standards, why do you care? If they only love you for what you buy them, I’m not sure that’s love. Love really doesn’t have a price tag. Do the best you can, and then enjoy the day with your family. It’s about the people, not the things, try to remember that.

 
Now, if part of the problem is the family, that’s harder. If your family is not a positive in your life, then you do not have to spend the holidays with them. There, I’ve said it, if your family is toxic to you and spends most of the time criticizing and cutting you down, then you don’t have to stay and keep listening to it. If your family is so awful to you, or each other, that the idea of spending it alone sounds better, then do that. There really are those of us who have had points in our lives where spending the holidays alone was less stressful, or even less frightening, than spending it with our birth families. If you are in that place in your life, honor it. It is a privilege for your family to see you, not a right. Privileges have to be earned by good, loving behavior. Please remember, that if you only visit them when they are loving and good to be around, but they’ve never, ever been that, you may never see your family again. Are you okay with this? If so, then rock on, and enjoy your solo and less stress-filled holiday. If you are not okay with it, then ignore all this advice, good luck, and God speed.

 
This is supposed to be a holy day, regardless of what exactly that holiness means to you, it is still supposed to be a celebration of joy, light, love, and hope. Instead its become an emotional meat grinder for a lot of us. I want to like this holiday again. I want to feel hopeful that life can be like those tear-jerkingly happy commercials for more than a moment at a time. I want to feel a connection to community, family, and faith that’s in all the TV specials, but that seems scarce in real life. I want to really believe this is the most wonderful time of the year instead of the most stressful. I’m not sure how to get back to the wonderful and out of the stressful, but I am going to try. Here’s to next year, hoping it will be better, happier, healthier, less dramatic, less traumatic, safer, gentler, more happy excited than adrenalin pumping excited, productive, loving, hopeful, helpful, and just all together better. Blessed Solstice! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukah! Merry Yule! Damn it!

 

Happy Yule and Merry Christmas to all!

I woke early This Christmas/Yule morning eager to write. I kissed my husband, Jon, awake and then let him curl back under the covers and sleep. Trinity had spent Christmas Eve with her father, so she wasn’t due to be dropped off until around noon. My sister, Chica, and her partner were still asleep in her room. Even the dogs had decided to sleep in, Mordor rolling an eye at me, and going back to sleep, which lets you know how early it was, truly a moment when nothing was stirring, not even a mouse, well, and a writer.

I did what I do every morning and entered sacred space with candles to mark the quarters, the directions of North, East, South, and West. I also light a candle for Spirit, which not everyone does, but the candles for God and Goddess are always lit. I gave thanks for this beautiful morning and time to myself to think, reflect, and create.

I worked on Affliction which is the next Anita Blake novel, but first I worked on a brand new story idea. I’d written down a few sentences of it days ago when the idea first waved it’s hands at me, so to speak. To my surprise it was the first thing that came to me this morning. I guess, it shouldn’t surprise me too much since it is a Christmas story. I believe it’s my first ever Christmas/Yule story, and if things continue a pace the story is shaping up to be safe for all ages. So many of you have asked for more stories of mine that can be safely shared with younger readers that apparently my subconscious has been working on it. We’ll see if I can actual behave myself for pages, though honestly the beginnings of stories are fragile things and just because you start a story is no guarantee that you will finish it. I think every writer has more beginnings than complete works, it’s the nature of ideas to come on strong, but not necessarily have staying power. This one feels promising, because the idea is fresh and exciting having just come to life this morning. (I don’t count a few lines of an idea, they can wait a decade to become a story, or never be more than an idea.)

After I’d written as far I could see in the new story I wrote on Affliction. I had to drop back and add a bridge chapter which is exactly what it sounds like it is, a chapter that bridges from the action at the end of one chapter and the action at the beginning of another. Sometimes in my eagerness to get to a scene I get ahead of explanation needed, or even character introductions so that you get people talking that are brand new with no background at all, or characters that new readers wouldn’t know just dropped in, so you have to back up and explain a little. The two brand new characters that I’d introduced have been in my mind so long that I just forgot that they’ve never actually made it on stage before. I’ve had that happen a time, or two, usually with minor characters, or minor major characters, that I keep putting in the series and they keep getting cut before the book goes to publication. We’ll see if the characters make it to the final round this book.

Breakfast pancakes, bacon, and cinnamon rolls thanks to Chica and her partner. Trinity had joined us by then with her present booty from her father’s side of things. Jon had found one more present for her, “A Muppet Christmas Carol,” her favorite holiday movie which somehow we had on video, but not on DVD, since we no longer have a VCR that was a problem. Jon braved the mall yesterday so we could watch her favorite movie together this morning. We’ve already watched two of our favorite movies leading up to Christmas; Red, and Die Hard. Ho, ho, ho, now I have a machine gun! *laughs*

Chica and her partner are about to be out for family obligations, but Trinity, Jon, and I are getting to do what we most want today.Trinity has chosen to play her new SIMS game on computer. Jon wants to read and play video games. We’re taking turns choosing favorite holiday music to be our background noise. Currently listening to Excelsis – A Dark Noel a wonderful Goth Christmas album. It’s the first album Jon recommended to me that I went out and purchased. 🙂 This was my pick. We started with the Clancy Brothers Christmas Album which is one of Jon’s other favorites. He’s always had one of the most eclectic music tastes of anyone I’ve ever met.

Oh, I almost forgot my choice for the day is to write and read. I admit that I may overindulge on sweets for a change. I also reserve the right to do treadmill depending on how the writing goes, if the muse and I are making pages I’ll likely just write.

Once Chica and her partner return we may go back to choosing another favorite Christmas movie to watch, but welcome to the holiday as celebrated by a happy bunch of introverts. I hope you are able to do what you most want to do this day. Bright blessings between my family and yours and a very Happy Yule and a very Merry Christmas to all!