Tag: Valentine’s Day

20 things I’ve learned about true love –

1. If you dread going home to the love of your life, they aren’t.

2. If you’d been happily married over ten years and people tell you, you’re lucky, it’s not luck – you’ve all worked your asses off to stay this happy.

3. Mind blowing sexual passions can last for decades, but you both have to want it, crave it, work at it.

4. Yes, I said you have to work at keeping passion alive in your long term relationships. Why does everyone think that they can work at their careers, their friendships, their family, their kids, their hobbies, but that great sex will just take care of itself? It doesn’t.

5. Find someone who is passionate about you in the bedroom and out of it.

6. Talk to each other, not just about the bills, or who’s driving the kids to soccer practice, or who picked up the dry cleaning, but about things that interest you. Bring your stories, your dreams, your goals, your fancies to each other always.

7. Get in shape together, or at least at the same time. Keep each other healthy. Or at least don’t sabotage each other.

8. Don’t go to bed angry.

9. Don’t be afraid to go to couple’s therapy.

10. Don’t be afraid to push each other outside your comfort zones, but remember to find enough comfort in your lives for you to all be happy.

11. If something is bothering you in the relationship talk about it early, before resentment builds up.

12. Remember that most big fights aren’t about the dirty clothes on the floor, the burnt dinner, the missed appointment, or whatever you think you’re fighting about. It’s about how it makes your partner, or you feel. The dirty sock on the floor can be the straw that broke the camel’s back, but it’s not the whole camel.

13. Schedule couple time regularly and make sure you both agree on what that time is used for, or take turns deciding.

14. Schedule alone time, remember each of you was a whole person before you found each other. Being in a relationship doesn’t change that.

15. Being in love should help you be more of who you are, a better, happier version of you. If you feel worse, sad, and miserable, then something has gone wrong.

16. There will be days when you’re sad, exhausted, overwhelmed, that’s normal. Being in love, even true love, doesn’t mean being happy every minute of every day. Only worry when the bad days out number the good for months. The good should out weigh the bad in a relationship, but it won’t get rid of all the bad stuff in your lives. This is true love, not a Disney Princess movie. (With apologies to both Frozen and Frozen 2.)

17. Remember to kiss and cuddle often. Both are proven mood boosters, and help keep our pair bond with our partners stronger. This is science people.

18. Try to find someone who’s level of skin hunger matches your own. Do not assume that the level of passion in the early days is normal for both of you. Discuss your expectations for passion and touching as the years go by. You’d be surprised at the number of people that assume passion will cool and that’s normal. If you both agree on that, great, but if only half of you agrees that’s a problem. I’m not just talking sex here, but literally the amount of touching, hand holding, kissing, physical affection in general.

19. You can grow together as a couple, or you can grow apart from each other. Choose wisely.

20. Remember that falling in love is the beginning of your story together, not the end.

Cupid, God of Love

And could we please change Cupid back to his original  Deity of Love, and get rid of the sexless baby images? The closest image to what Cupid is supposed to look like that I could find in modern times is this one. Karl Urban as the God of Love! Come on, who wouldn’t rather look at him, than some infant on steroids with a heart tipped bow?

Karl Urban as Cupid

Real Love

Valentine’s Day dawned as the coldest, snowiest day of the year so far. Jon, my husband, and I were cuddled up in the dark, drowsing, and waking slowly, when the third time he hit snooze on the alarm, I remembered that it was our day to take our daughter, Trinity to school. Suddenly, our leisurely morning was thrown into scrambling for clothes, and getting ready to face the day. We made it with enough time for Trinity to discuss the unfairness of not having a snow day on Valentine’s Day. “Not many kids will be at school,” she said.
“You’re going,” I said.
She said, “I know life isn’t fair, but I’d still like to have a snow day.”
“It’s Valentine’s day don’t you want to see your boyfriend?”
“He probably won’t be there.”
“Text him and see.”
She did, but didn’t expect a reply, because he’d be sleeping in, because he wasn’t having to go to school in the snow. It turned out he was already at school, early, so she was in better spirits about going to school in the snow. Meanwhile my sister, Chica, is in the kitchen in pajamas and a robe with our little dogs bouncing around her feet. Okay, Keiko, our recent puppy mill rescue, a 3-year-old Japanese Chin bounced and fluttered, and danced. Sasquatch, our 11-year-old pug just sat there staring up waiting for food. He loves my sister, we joke that he’s her boyfriend, but he’s a pug so he loves food, too.
Trinity has already opened her cards that we left out for her last night. Chica has given me my sister card. I’ve given her all her cards – one from all of us, one a piece from the dogs, and one funny sister card from me. (I like cards a lot.) I’d already given Jon one card and a small stuffed animal days ago for Valentine’s Day. I’ll be giving Jon his big present after he gets back from the school run.
Chica is getting ready to feed the dogs, and the chickens putting out the different kinds of food. Jon bends down to help get Keiko’s food bowl, and then stands up abruptly and says, “Crap, my pants split!”
He goes running past for the stairs to change so he can take Trinity to school. The three of us, Trin, Chica, and me, are left trying not to giggle. Then we realize there’s no time, we have to take Trinity now or she’ll be late. Crap!
Jon was going to drive Chica’s four wheel monster jeep, but . . . “Do you know how to drive my Jeep?” Chica asks.
“I guess so, what’s different about it?”
“It’s four wheel drive.”
“I’ve never driven four wheel drive.”
“Crap,” she says, and starts putting coat and snow boots on over pajamas.
I put my coat on, grab purse.
She can’t find keys because Jon took them upstairs with him, but she finds the spare set, then . . . “Grab the dogs, they haven’t gone out yet.”
“They’ll mess in your car.”
“No they won’t. They love riding in the car.” I’m not sure it’s good logic, but I tuck Keiko under one arm, Sasquatch follows at our heels and we scramble for the door with Trinity trailing.
Jon comes bounding down the stairs in fresh jeans, sunglasses in place, keys in hand. “Let’s go!” He moves past gathering Trinity in his wake, and Chica and I are left gaping at each other at the door.
Into the silence I say, “No woman could have done that.”
We agree that no woman we know could have possibly stripped and changed that fast. We stand there for a moment longer in our winter gear, Keiko dangling from my arm, looking at us, as if to say, “What’s going on?”
Sasquatch barks from other side of a door further in the house, he’d missed a turn somewhere and gotten left on the wrong side of a door. Curse that lack of opposable thumb.
And that was our start to Valentine’s Day. It was a good start, because love, real love, isn’t about the flowers and chocolates you get, or the stuffed toys and cards you buy, or the romantic dinners planned, or even the hot, monkey sex – love is getting the kid to school, being able to pitch in when things go wrong, and just having each other’s back. We did all that this morning, and we got Valentine Day cards, too. When Jon got back from taking Trinity to school, I gave him more cards (Did I mention that I really like cards.) and his present. Chica went to work. Suddenly the house is empty and ours. The rush of the morning recedes leaving us with our happy, but chaotic day. I hope your Valentine’s Day is full of real love from your family, your pets, your spouse, partner, lover, friends, and all the many people that we have in our life that love us and supports us. Because love, real love, is about living for each other every day, not just on the holidays.