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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Airplane ride.
Need I say more?
But, of course, it’s me, so I am; I will. I have the Bose headphones that cancel out noise, but, they won’t let you use them on take off and landing anymore. Which is exactly when most people need them most. Frankly, on a long flight there comes a moment of panic, if I’ve managed to avoid it before hand. A moment of gut wrenching, skin crawling, breath stopping, pulse thudding; panic. Once that level of panic is reached, you are cooked. The fear has you. Music becomes very important to me to keep me from running up and down the aisles screaming. (They really frown on that since 9/11. Though frankly, they weren’t too fond of it before. Okay, I never did that, but I did wander back and forth in the aisles once crying hysterically.)
I have two new books to read. I have the fifty-some pages of Merry in a file to work on. I have about twenty pages of the next Anita book, just in case the muse decides that works better. Deadlines do not dictate when fear is this high. Whatever will get my mind occupied is what works. I even have the beginnings of a short story that is neither Merry, nor Anita. It’s a good opening, strong voice. I haven’t had a short story idea this clear in my head in years. Cool.
Being Wiccan, I have a selection of stones with me that, hopefully, will help keep me calm. I’ll have Jon beside me to clutch. I’ve only bled his hand and arm once. He voted for me clutching his thigh through his pants after that. Even I can’t bleed him through jeans, though I did once indent him pretty badly back when we were still wearing the designer suits. Suit pants just aren’t made of as stern a stuff as jeans. I have done everything I can to insure a comfy flight. There is no more to do.
Oh, one more thing. I can’t let the panic get as bad as I described earlier. What I have learned is that if I can keep that first flush of panic from happening, the rest is manageable. If I can simply not panic, it’s okay. It means actually controlling my heart rate, and breathing, because it starts with the physical symptoms. It’s sort of like meditation, sort of, when I feel my body beginning to race, I calm my breathing, and concentrate until my heart rate slows. If you can control your physical symptoms, you can control your fear. The fear needs your body to go “aaah” first, before it can take your mind.
I can do this.