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Tired
Six pages kept. Seven pages edited out. Seven really good pages edited out. They read well. They were powerful and intriguing, and they had nothing to do with the character in question as he is today. I did a scene with Asher that was amazing, wonderful, and so dark that Anita would never have touched him again. So dark that I didn’t know who he was anymore. I finally realized that it was my subconscious trying to get rid of one of the men. Not death, but more like a divorce. I read some of the scene to Darla, she pronounced it good. I finished most of the scene and read it to Jon. His face showed me what I already knew. It was a rabbit hole. A big, dark, bloody, dangerous, rabbit hole. Taking me in a direction that would destroy Asher. I love Asher, and the early part of this scene shows just how lonely and sad he still is. He is so sad, so very sad. Still so hurt.
I understand now that I am dangerously tired. Dangerously needing this book done. What do I mean by that? That I am in such a need to be able to be done, that I might take short cuts, cripple characterization, just to wrap things up. Usually it’s my head that goes ugly, and I get all anxious in real life, but today it was the writing that went ugly. Way ugly.
So the ugly got edited out. The chapter ended not just on an upbeat note, but with the first time Anita is ever alone with Asher. I hadn’t realized that we’d never been alone with him. He’s shared us with Jean-Claude, but never just him and Anita. Funny, that I hadn’t noticed. I’m hoping that Asher comes out of this scene a little less sad, and we just get some surprises for Anita, and the reader. I’m hoping no more surprises for the writer.