Triggers
Triggers, trigger warnings, have been in the news a lot lately. Talk of trying to keep everyone safe in college lectures, panels at science fiction conventions, news items even, as if the world should be wrapped up in cotton wool and bubble wrap like your great-grandmother’s china so it doesn’t get scratched, cracked, or broken; but people aren’t dishes that only come out at the holidays. People move through the world every day to go to work, to school, to vacation, to . . . life. If you spend all your time trying to be protected from anything that could possibly upset you, how will you ever grow strong enough to overcome it? A trigger doesn’t go away but we can grow to the point where it no longer controls us. We can master our triggers and own ourselves to the point where we are no longer subject to the word, phrase, events that once made us so afraid, or angry, or upset. We can take back ourselves, our lives, all the words, all the memories, and we can own them again rather than them owning us. I swear to you that this is true because I’ve done it, but here’s the trick – you must not hide from your triggers.
If you hide from them and avoid them forever, perhaps you’ll never be “triggered” again, but you also give up parts of your life and yourself forever. Whatever made you feel like a victim, or took your sense of safety, will forever win, because you haven’t faced your demons, you’ve given ground to them. Old maps used to come to the edge of the known lands and then write two phrases, “Here be Dragons,” or “Here be Demons,” which meant that beyond that point the map makers couldn’t guarantee safe passage because the unknown was full of monsters. If we avoid triggering events and allow people to keep us “safe” from everything then the maps of our lives are not edged with monsters, the maps of our lives have sections right in the middle of them where a sign says, “Here be Demons,” right in the middle of our life. The middle of our life is full of places we pass through on a regular basis, so we pass that sign every week, maybe everyday, a sign that reminds us that here is a place that was once a part of our life and now it’s too scary to enter. To me, that was a constant reminder of what frightened me and made me feel like a victim, every time I stepped around that area of my life rather than walked through it I would feel a little more scared, a little more unsure that I was strong enough to do what needed doing, because the demons had won, they’d claimed a piece of my life forever.
How I faced my triggers was by walking into that place, those words, that moment with the big glaring warning sign over it, and I faced my demons. Was it scary? Yes! But every time I faced something that triggered me I got a little bit of myself back, I reclaimed pieces of my life, of me, from the demons; and every time I did that the “demons” got smaller and weaker, which meant I felt bigger and stronger, because that’s what triggers are, they are ways for things that hurt us to make us feel small and weak forever, but we aren’t trapped with our demons anymore, we survived, we moved forward, we built a life. I refuse to let the bad things control me by making me avoid parts of my life. I will reclaim all of it, every last bad word, hurtful phrase, frightening moment, all the pain, all of it is mine and helped make me who I am today. One of the things I discovered as I faced the pain was amazing to me – I didn’t die. Even having to live through the painful event by facing the trigger didn’t kill me, and Nietzsche had it right, that which doesn’t kill me really does make me stronger. My goal is to live the quote a little differently, “That which does not kill me had better run, because I’m coming for it.”
“Destroy your personal demons, use their corpses as fuel to light your way.” LKH
For those of you who may need help, please see the following links, courtesy of Dr. R. Kieran
http://www.apa.org/topics/trauma/index.aspx
http://www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org/
82 thoughts on “Triggers”
Comments are closed.
Hell. Yes.
I love your quote. Truly.
I just need to get someone to cross stitch that bugger on a sampler or something.
I agree 100% I have found that once I face what is holding me back, usually a fear I can move forward. The thing is just because you faced one fear, or as you say trigger, down does not mean they are all gone. You have to continually face fears to get to the end of life. It is those fears, or triggers, that makes life worth living as every time you conqure one you grow stronger.
Thank you! Triggers are hard to face but once you face them you become stronger. I think we have become a weaker society in many ways because so many things are avoided instead of confronted and defeated.
Check out MR Xstitch he may have done so already.There are other female x-stitch subversives too, go explore on internet
No truer words have ever been spoken. One by one I conquering my demons, and it does make you stronger. And mine better run too!
I have to agree. I have never been a very good sheep, I’m not nasty enough to be a wolf, and don’t really take orders well enough to be a sheepdog, so I chose to be a shepherd. Shepherds don’t hide from scary noises, they go check them out.
Trigger warnings don’t mean you never face your triggers. It means you have the data to choose *when* you do. After someone took my choices away (always loved that phrase, BTW), I like having one now and appreciate the courtesy.
I agree 100% with everything you have so wonderfully expressed with amazing wording, as usual. However, there is one trigger warning that I believed should remain valid and in continual use. That is the teen self harm trigger warnings. These kids have no emotional support from parents, and they are just that, kids. They just don’t have the strength to work their way through their fears. Sometimes just making that effort, for a teen or child, ends in suicide. Many parents need to step up and help their kids. Once that happens, then that trigger warning can go away as well. But in the meantime, I’d rather have broken kids that can be fixed, rather than dead teens that never had a chance. Honestly, I didn’t even know there were adult trigger warnings.
Beautiful!
You always seem to say something that I needed to hear when you say it. Thank you. I do need to face my triggers and not let them continue to control my life. Thank you.
Thank you I’ve been running from my demon for a long time now. Everytime I think I’ve turned the corner and gotten ahead of them it turns out they were just waiting for me to let my guard down. I’m tired of running and hiding alone. After reading what you wrote I realize it’s time to leave my demons in the past where they belong once and for all. No more running for this gal its time to pull the trigger and take each one down one at a time their demon days of terror are over. Call me trigger happy a new life is waiting.
Ive read your books and found so much inspiration truly from watching anita grow. I have ptsd and it wasnt until this last year I decided to reclaim my life. I have goals and dreams that I thought I HAD to give up because i was to scared to go outside and face a world that made me scared senseless . I go to therapy but I didnt know how to “work my issues” as anita says and then one day the dr told me my blood pressure was sky high and I was to unhealthy to have a child because the stress of my issues and the process of motherhood may kill me. And MY one i held above others was to be a mom and I vowed to do anything and everything to make it happened so I got real with my therapist and I got my fiance to go with me places but slowly im doing it on my own . because I can do this and to be the best mom i can be i have to be healthy MIND and BODY so im working to do that to make my family strong because one day it may be up to me to hold my families world on my shoulders and see us through and i cant do that if im hiding under my bed praying that people will leave me alone and let me hide. So yes i agree with you and i appreciate your words from anita you are an amazingly strong woman and I may not be there yet but i will be . cheers to surviving and learning to LIVE!
Keep working it, Kimberly! Kudos to you for putting out the effort and striving towards something you want. Knowing who to lean on and when to get help are huge steps. I’ve fought many demons and won – it can be done, even when you’d much rather curl up in a corner of the closet with your blanket. Stay strong, lady.
Cheers! to you Kimberly. You’ll be a great Mom 🙂
Usually I read these blogs, smile, and move on, but I can’t with this one.
No, Laurell, *no*. As a sufferer of PSTD and someone who has triggers, this is the *worst* advice that can be given to anyone who has triggers. Never, ever just face them! There is a difference between triggers and things that make you slightly scared or uncomfortable. Triggers are sights, smells, sounds, etc., that can literally take you back to an event, cause flashbacks, panic attacks and various other reactions, which are, in fact, incredibly harmful. A trigger can be so powerful that it can cause someone to hurt themselves. It can do more than possibly upset you. It can make it all *real* again. It can break you. It can send you crashing back to the beginning. People *can* die. Dealing with triggers is most definitely not about winning and confronting “demons” or owning them. It’s not a fight that needs to be won. Dealing with triggers is about keeping yourself *safe* and healthy, and learning to cope with them. Not face them. *Cope* if you should encounter them, and come out safe and well.
Any therapist will tell you that the first thing to do is avoid those triggers you can avoid. Why trigger yourself when you don’t need to? Do I need to go to one restaurant in the city? Is my life going to end without it? No! Find somewhere else to go. There is nothing wrong with avoiding those triggers that can be avoided. It’s the best option! You should not put yourself through those levels of stress if they can be avoided. It isn’t about hiding from them. You’re not being weak. You’re not letting them win. You’re letting them lose, because you’re not letting them hurt you.
The most important thing is to learn what triggers you, and to never, ever, ever face them without having a safety plan and healthy coping strategies in place to deal with and manage them, like relaxation methods, breathing methods (and, God, learning about all the different breathing exercises is annoying). Sure, go into a place to confront your demons, but what happens when you start experiencing a flashback? How do you deal with that? How is that a victory?
Please, Laurell, triggers are more than things that can upset you. Triggers can be extremely dangerous. Please don’t tell people to face them. Tell people to stay safe. Tell people to keep themselves from harm. It’s not about weaknesses. It really is about being safe and *staying* strong.
Anxiety, PTSD, depression, triggers… They’re aren’t signs of weaknesses. They’re signs that a person is strong and has probably had to be strong for far too long.
Please don’t delete this.
While your experience may be different, my experience, and the experiences of people I have had conversations about this topic is that avoiding the issue only makes it worse. I have talked to people who suffer from PTSD and I have talked to those who help heal those affected. The consensus is that you can avoid a trigger, and put a bandage on it, or you can, slowly and carefully confront that which stresses you and build up a tolerance to it. Irrational phobias can be conquered, traumatic events can be reclaimed so that they no longer cause an event.
Again. YMMV but why remain a victim of your experiences when you can take back what is yours. Namely your agency in your life.
And as far as safety is concerned. The world is not a safe place. You can be safe or you can be free. You cannot have both.
Jon, unless you and Laurell are qualified health care professionals, you have no business telling survivors and sufferers how to handle their triggers, PTSD, or any other kind of trauma. Really, you need to stop. You are handing out thoughtless and potentially harmful advice.
I agree 100%. Advice like this is extremely harmful because there is always that one person who will take it to heart for no reason other than the fact their favorite author said it.
And if that one person can’t handle what their facing and ends up committing suicide/snapping because they took the advice?
It’s all on LKS’s head, and and she’s going to find herself on the other end of a pretty nasty negligence/ Wrongful Death suit for playing psychiatrist without a license.
I guess there needs to be another quote: Ignorance really is bliss.
It’s really easy to tell someone to just face it and get over it. It’s a lot harder to help rape survivors or veterans or child abuse survivors slowly make their way to a healthier mindset. Would you be so oblivious or unkind as to tell a veteran who lost a leg that they should go to a concert and listen to loud noises that remind him or her of bombs going off so they can stop being a victim and live life again? As if it’s that easy? As if that’s the safest way to handle it? Just throwing yourself into triggers doesn’t make you tough–it makes you full of bravado, and encouraging others to do this is reckless.
Talking to a couple of people who had PTSD does not make you qualified to offer advice to people who are in psychological crisis, and potentially on the verge of suicide or flashbacks–which is what happens to many people who have been triggered. The way Laurell uses the word ‘trigger’ shows that she has no idea how they actually function. This is dangerous advice, and it’s extremely judgmental on top of it.
I refuse to live life as a victim; and there have been plenty of events in my life that could have cast me in that role, had I let them. I recently saw a variant of that saying at LibertyCon28. I was in line to donate on the bloodmobile, and the man in front of me, an off-duty police officer from middle Tennessee, had embossed on his cell phone holster “Maxim #35: That which does not kill me has made a tactical error.”
Love it!
Awesome 🙂
Howard Tayler is a really nice person, and his comic Schlock Mercenary (http://www.schlockmercenary.com/) is a great read. Also, Laurell haws a Maxim #1 shirt.
Much love to you and may your fire burn bright!
I agree to a point. I definitely think that we need to face our fears, but my impression of trigger warnings (which I do agree are overused) are to allow people who aren’t there yet, who haven’t begun the healing or can’t wrap their head around it yet, to avoid things that might send them over the edge. I agree whole heartedly that fears must be faced eventually though, and that individuals should be trusted to employ common sense on their own behalf. Like, for example, if I were a victim of human trafficking that was starting to recover (I’m not, just an example.) I might, you know, AVOID ARTICLES ABOUT HUMAN TRAFFICKING, no trigger warning required. I think the trigger warning is less about helping people to some degree and more about the dumbing down of America in general. Honest to god, if I’m a college student taking a course about Ancient Greece I might expect to eventually skirt the idea of incest and pederasty, for example. These things shouldn’t be a huge shock.
I agree that sugar coating the world doesn’t make it safer.
I agree. When I’m at peace in my life it isn’t because there haven’t been tragedies. It is because I’ve faced those tragedies, the post traumatic fear and shame and conquered them. I didn’t hide, and when I realized I making choices to avoid a shadow I’d go and chat the sucker up. Peace isn’t an absence of trial and bumps, it is what comes after it. Thanks for the blog post.
Doesn’t always work. Sometimes a little help is needed, whether that be in the form of talking it out with a professional ( and then doing the work ) or just some time thinking about the problem or even working through it with some friends. Kill the demons. You betcha but remember there is morethan one way just like there is more than one kind of gun. Imagine if the only gun was a 44 magnum. Most people cannot shoot this handgun. Even people who think they can often cannot. However, a couple of shots from something smaller will often do the trick too. Thus a frontal assault on the demons may work but if you cannot do this there are other ways and the demons end up just as dead.
I agree with Anne. Triggers are not just something that makes you feel bad. This isn’t about nerfing the world and making everything too safe, and this isn’t about facing your fear. Triggers are dangerous and I should know.
If anyone touches my back, I’ll freak out and scream and maybe turn and start to fight, before I realize where I am or who did it. I have this reaction due to abusive situations that I don’t need to get into. It takes me a good 15 to 20 minutes to stop crying and shaking after this simple gesture that no one would really think is bothersome.
I can’ go into certain places because they remind me of the person that abused me. I’ve told people how I wish I could rip out these memories from my mind, so that I would not be burdened with them anymore. And I know that this person can never ever hurt me again, I still feel that dread in specific places, or even if someone says a phrase he used to say, those memories can come back.
This blog sounds a lot like victim blaming. I am triggered by certain things that somebody did to me, but we shouldn’t look at what he did and say how awful that was, but you only want to tell me to “get over it.” I wish I could just get over it. But unfortunately people aren’t made that way. I wish I never have that reaction to someone touching my back. I don’t know what will “cure” it other than time. Not therapy, not medicine, not immersion. But I’m the one that has something “wrong” so I should just fix it and let everyone else have a comfortable life. This is victim blaming. And you should really re-think what you have said.
I agree. It does sound a lot like victim blaming and the tone deaf patronising reply to Anne above telling her to basically get over it makes me think Laurell is mixing up triggers with something that makes people uncomfortable.
Such a classless, tasteless blog and I’m not even kidding when I say it enraged me so much that I nearly got stressed enough to trigger my PTSD. Hah!
I’ve been in a mental place that sounds awfully similar to yours and it is scary as hell. Certain smells, words, sounds etc. would just set me off. However, I think what Laurell is describing could better be described as victim self-empowerment, not victim blaming.
The things that put me in that mental condition were not my fault and were out of my control when they happened. Unfortunately, today it IS something ‘wrong’ with me. Something that I do battle with all the time…but more and more often I win. Someday it will only be a memory, a memory I wish I didn’t have, but nevertheless a thing that formed me and that I will have conquered.
So in that sense, yes, I do expect myself to ‘get the F over it’. Those words don’t even begin to describe the hell it takes to get there, but that had damned well better be the goal, or I will wallow in my fear forever. You’re right, it will take time and lots of it, but even more than time it takes the balls to fight. I couldn’t fight then, but I can fight now.
And I will win.
And you can too.
I’m very sorry that something happened to you, but that is the case for many people, myself included. This sounds nothing like victim blaming, only that working through and facing your fears makes you stronger. If you choose not to do that, then it’s your choice. That doesn’t mean that Laurell’s advice/statement is incorrect. It sounds to me like you are choosing to be a victim. And that takes away your power to heal, and gives it all to the person who hurt you. Regardless of what happened in my past, or what could possibly happen in my future, I will never live as a victim and expect the world to walk on eggshells for me. A happy life is never a guarantee. It is what you make it. No more, no less.
Triggers are more than just having a fear of something and being afraid to face it. Triggers can actually cause a lot of harm, and choice isn’t always a part of how to deal with them. I don’t think people choose to be triggered, but you should most definitely not tell them to “get over and work through them”, because, unfortunately, life isn’t that simple.
It seems that the definition of “trigger” used within this blog and subsequent posts is wrong.
Telling someone they’re choosing to be a victim is victim-blaming.
The reality is that some people do choose to be a victim. The body can heal, and the mind can as well. It may take work, but it can be done. If someone is not willing to put forth the effort, then where will that leave them? As a victim, with all the power given to the victimizer. Everyone has the ability to take their life back. Even if it’s baby steps, the healing is in the effort.
I respectfully disagree. Pointing out that someone chooses to be a victim is a true statement if they are indeed choosing to remain a victim over healing and self empowerment. At the point of wounding the victim is a victim. When the victim chooses to stay angry, embrace entitlement, addiction, self pity, and martyhood over healing and wholing actions the person who was a victim is choosing to stay a victim. I’m not saying its easy. I’ve lived this and I know its not. At first it is a moment by moment choice, involving small steps of empowerment. Eventually those empowering choices become habit and the victim is no longer a victim, but a survivor.
” It sounds to me like you are choosing to be a victim.”
This is definitely victim blaming, and, I am sorry to say, Laurell’s comments come off that way as well.
If a dog has been abused by a man with a beard, you don’t go and drag the dog over to men with beards in order to have them “get over it.” People are the same way. Each one will have to deal with it differently, and it will take different amounts time for them to get back to normal, if they ever do.
We are not dogs. The human mind works differently. And hurts can be healed. If you want them to be.
Go read something about army dogs with PTSD. It may be enlightening.
See above ^^
love this!! have tried to live this to its fullest, but realized today that i have not…to the fullest that is…
can i have permission to copy the words out to a pizap image? to make a print without the image, for myself? please and thank you if i may…. and i understand if i may not.
thank you for reminding me of these truths. you use almost the same imagery i have to explain my bipolar and anxiety disorders to myself and others. how i learned not to fear them, and how i traveled to get to the point where i could see them as learning about me tools. how i could get to the point of being amused by the crazy rather than afraid of it. because once i could laugh at the crazy, it could not have power or control of me!! and i could understand how it worked and use it for good and not evil. monsters that you know and understand are not scary, they are angry, hurting, afraid children who need to be parented by someone that understands and trusts them, and who they know and understand and trust to make the fear, pain, and anger go away…or become small and manageable by/for them… in effect the crazy is the child inside who is looking for the loving, teaching, nurturing, safe, reliable parent person they missed out on having back then….
Here here!! This is something I go through every day 24/7 dealing with PTSD and it is rough, but I strive to get to the light that is so small it’s like a pen hole in a black sheet and I’m trying to rip my way out. It takes time to get to that light sometimes and focusing on something til I know every detail of it in my head helps me cope.
You are my favorite author and I love reading your Anita Blake books, as it is true a book that can take you a million miles away if the author is good enough and you are one of those authors. Your books have helped me become stronger over the past 5 years as I’ve read them. Thank you for being the amazing writer you are and helping me become more of myself over the years. Between your books and therapy I become more like my old self everyday!
Please keep writing more Anita books for all of your fans. You are one bad*ss woman and writer and I know I am not the only person who things so!
Thank you again for being you!
I started doing the same thing and with that healing a great deal. I refuse to let the monsters in my life have anymore of it that they think they already have. With that I started taking back more and more of my life and ignoring trigger warnings. if something is a trigger I face it determined to not lose more of myself and to deal with what is hurting and why. i don’t always succeed the first or sometimes the second time but eventually, I conquer it and march forward!
That’s awesome. That’s taking your life back 🙂
I don’t know what your issues are or how you’ve gotten past them, but not everyone is like you, and frankly, this post is really dismissive of people who have been through traumatic situations and it’s an extremely simple viewpoint of a very complex, difficult topic.
My sister is one of those people who worries about triggers–she’s a rape survivor. Two years ago, about seven months after the attack, she went to a fantasy convention and attended a panel about the stereotypes of other races in literature. Unbeknownst to her, one of the authors, whose book she had not read, had a pretty rough sexual assault scene in it. My sister had a bad flashback when the topic came up and had to run out of the room because she was literally re-experiencing her own rape due to her PTSD. In a room full of strangers, in public.
Wanting to avoid that sort of emotional trauma and public embarrassment is not avoiding life, and it’s not cowardice, or weakness, and it’s incredibly thoughtless to suggest that. It’s about not wanting every moment of your life to be a battleground. It’s about finding peace and enjoyment in safe places while you take a break from the battleground.
It’s true that you can’t avoid all triggers. But it’s not for you or me or anyone else to decide what someone else can handle. We put ratings on movies and video games so people can make informed decisions about excessive violence or sexual content. Fanfiction lists triggers and warning with every piece. There’s absolutely no reason not to alert readers (or audience members) that a book or panel or website might include triggering material like a portrayal of a violent hate crime, a sexual assault or child abuse, and it takes almost zero effort.
All it takes is compassion for the suffering of others and the wisdom to say that just because you’ve dealt with your issues doesn’t mean everyone’s there yet. And it doesn’t mean they have to do it the same way you did.
Speaking of how someone deals with their own issues is in no way dismissive to others. Why can’t a person who deals with their triggers/issues/problems head on tell their story and opinion? When everyone is different, why would one point of view be seen as dismissive? It looks to me like many are dismissing Laurell’s way of handling her life. She doesn’t make any judgemental comments.
“I swear to you that this is true because I’ve done it, but here’s the trick – you must not hide from your triggers.”
This is a quote from the blog. This isn’t her perspective on how she does things. This is her telling other people–people she has never met, people who may have significant trauma in their pasts and be psychologically fragile–what to do based on her own experience, which does not remotely qualify her to give advice of this sort.
I wouldn’t care so much if she was talking about her own experience–she’s absolutely entitled to that. But she’s flat out saying that it is wrong to protect yourself from triggers because it will ruin your happiness and make you weak forever. That’s a gross oversimplification and she’s presenting herself as an authority when it’s obvious from the way she uses the word that she has no idea what it means in a clinical or realistic setting. She thinks of them as things that make you sad. That’s not what a trigger is. A trigger is something that catapults a victim of violence into a profound, crisis state, like a panic attack, a flashback, or a fugue. If she honestly thinks that’s something you just throw yourself into in order to get better, she has clearly never experienced any of them and should not be giving advice on this subject.
At the very least, it’s irresponsible. But as someone who’s seen family members struggle and nearly come to suicide over something traumatic, I’ll admit, I also found her cavalier ‘advice’ very dismissive of the actual work that goes into dealing with PTSD, triggers, and trauma. If that’s what worked for her, that’s great. I’m not saying it can’t work that way. But implying that just because someone chooses a different therapeutic path than you means that they will (or wants to) remain a victim lacks compassion and awareness. And yeah, she says that too:
If you hide from them and avoid them forever, perhaps you’ll never be “triggered” again, but you also give up parts of your life and yourself forever. Whatever made you feel like a victim, or took your sense of safety, will forever win.
We all see things differently. I did not get the same impression, nor did many others. Most responses were quite positive. We’re all entitled to our own opinion. I also believe that trigger warnings are over used. Another lady explains it using a Greek History class. Read everyone’s comments and you can see where it changed from the original topic. Until recently, triggers were something that a person knows could put them in a state of reliving a past trauma. Common sense was all that was needed to protect yourself. The world is very harsh. I understand that that makes it difficult for some people. But life is still out there. My only advice has been to find what works for you, so that you may live it. And that comes from an educated and compassionate perspective. I do my best to avoid the word hate, and I teach my kids the same, but damn, I hate being disabled. I truly love helping others. I miss that. But some people do need a push, others need time. That’s why the comments are so varied. There’s not really any need for any of us to be insulting to one another.
Some people may not like what I say, but my comments don’t just come out of thin air. My educational background is psychology and I chose to specialise in Hypnotherapy for several years prior to becoming physically disabled. I’ve worked and helped those had tried every other treatment option, and found that it wasn’t working for them. Believe me, I have seen determination. I’ve seen people willing to put themselves through hell, again, to start the healing process. So, if it looks like a duck… You think my words are cruel and harsh? So is the world. You can choose to find your way toward healing, or you can choose not to. You want your life back? Your power? Then fight for it in whatever way works for you. But don’t expect the world to go soft for your benefit. That’s not how it works. You are responsible for you. I’m beginning to wonder if all of you commenting are even Laurell’s fans. Reading an Anita Blake novel must set your triggers off like Fourth of July fireworks.
I have read her books, but I don’t anymore. I stopped a couple books ago.
Considering Anita rapes, harasses, and victim blames everyone around her (especially her severe hatred of women) it is rage-inducing to see her held on a pedestal. But that isn’t a trigger the same way someone who has PTSD has a trigger.
Triggers can be scents, tastes, certain songs, noises (like the backfire of a car), or someone innocently grabbing/touching their arm or back. THOSE are triggers. The AB series is simply anger-inducing, which is why I no longer read them.
Wow Janna, aren’t you just a special snowflake badass brimming with compassion.
I will immediately start working on overcoming my anxiety disorders thanks to your (and Hamiltons) great advice.
If you’re not a fan, why are you trolling here? Just to leave insults? Enjoy yourself.
Her blog came up on my twitter feed because of a retweet. I read it. Read the comments and felt the need to speak up. If you take issue with that, that’s your problem.
I know many people with PTSD, including myself from a very abusive relationship. I have a full life, and do not live in a bubble all scared and alone, but the triggers happen, and the affects are not pleasant on anyone. Telling me to “just get over it” is insulting and it’s victim blaming.
I did not tell you to get over anything. And if it makes you feel better, I was rapet at knifepoint when I was 18. When I was 19 I married a very physically and emotionally pos. I stayed for 12 years thinking it was best for the kids. Until they started asking why dad was hitting me and slamming my arm in the door. Not that any of my life is your business, but these things, traumas, whatever you choose to call them, are why I got into psychology, why I chose hypnotherapy to help people. So stop assuming that you understand me. I know that we can recover from horrible situations. And for me, it’s just to be put in another one, which is my failing health. But by all means, assume away.
I became disabled at 35. I will not live to a ripe old age. I have 4 children who I am still responsible for, in every way a mother needs to be. I still help my community as much as possible, and I tolerate people like you. You don’t know a damn thing about me, so why don’t you keep your nastiness to yourself. I don’t just handle triggers from horrible things that have happened in my life, I live with my kids and husband wondering what medical issue is coming next, which will be my last. You know nothing of the compassion I’m capable of.
I am a licensed mental health counselor. I am licensed to diagnose and treat mental health diagnoses. During my internship I worked with veterans. During my first years of practice I worked with rape survivors. Currently, I am working with Foster youth. I am well versed in what in what triggers are, what trauma is, and trauma treatment.
What Laurell, you, and her other supporters are posting about trauma, triggers, and just getting over it is one of the most horrifying examples of incorrect and damaging victim blaming I have seen.
I would never tell a client to just willy nilly face a trigger. As has been previously mentioned, triggers transport a person back to the traumatizing event. It is happening to them again. People should absolutely avoid triggers as it is retraumatizing, making symptoms and functioning worsen in many cases.
Do you think a rape victim wants to be at the grocery store, smell the cologne of the man who violated her, and essentially be transported back to be raped again?
Do you think veterans want to be triggered by fireworks this weekend and watch their brothers die from an IED again?
Don’t you think these people and others want to “get over it” or “take their power back”?
That’s not how it works. A responsible and properly trained therapist is going to work with someone to grieve what they lost through their trauma. Then, the therapist is going to help the person learn coping strategies to handle better the symptoms from their trauma. Then in extremely small steps there may be exposure to the places or people or whatever reminders of the trauma, all the while going back to reaffirm the person’s survival and strengthen their ability to cope. It is a process that lasts for the rest of a person’s life. One may never be able to “get over” a trigger, but they can learn to increase coping and reduce the negative impact of the trauma.
What Laurell talks about in this post is uncomfortable situations. If you have a typical fear of flying, you can suck it up, do it repeatedly, get desensitized to it, and learn to fly without issue. Uncomfortable situation does not equal trigger.
For you to shame a trauma survivor and tell them that they are struggling by their choice and they should just choose to get over it is appalling.
Not in one single comment do I say to “get over it”. That would be an appauling thing for any type of therapist to tell a client. It seems that my comments and Hamilton’s have been grouped into one, and I’m being blamed for saying something that I did not. Every single comment says that people should find what works best for them. I also said healing starts with making the effort and baby steps are just fine. As long as you choose to seek help, you’re already trying to take your life back. Knowing that help is available and choosing not to take it, is choosing to be a victim. Additionally I never said to face triggers from PTSD. I agreed with a woman who said triggers from phobia can become overcome with incremental exposure. This blog was about triggers and trigger warnings. And yes, it is my personal opinion that they are over used. Every person is entitled to their opinion and I do not believe that Hamilton was doing anything but speaking from her own personal experience and giving her opinion. She never mentioned PTSD and this blog is for fans. It started with happy and appreciative fans who relate to her and it’s become a forum for judgemental non fans to call names and point fingers. That’s the opinion of this snowflake.
PTSD is incurable. You can learn to cope with it, and the learn to spot the triggers, but it never goes away.
This is has nothing to do with being scared, or wanting to the world to be wrapped in a safe bubble. Trauma is not all the same, nor are how people react to it. And telling those who suffer a trauma to “just get over” or “be free” is insulting and disrespectful. A person can be very happy, live a full life, but they have to live with the trauma they suffered (be it a car wreck, rape, other violent attacks, or war) and the reactions they can have.
These are not “HURTS”, nor are they “hide from the world” events. And to refer to them that way belittles the victims and those living with the PTSD. And unless you’ve suffered the trauma others have, you have no idea what you’re saying or harmful it can be to say “just get over it”. That makes it so much worse for those trying to live with the trauma and recover from it.
PTSD is incurable. You can learn to cope with it, and learn to spot the triggers, but it never goes away.
This is has nothing to do with being scared, or wanting to the world to be wrapped in a safe bubble. Trauma is not all the same, nor is how people react to it. And telling those who suffer a trauma to “just get over” or “be free” is insulting and disrespectful. A person can be very happy, live a full life, but they have to live with the trauma they suffered (be it a car wreck, rape, other violent attacks, or war) and the reactions they can have.
These are not “HURTS”, nor are they “hide from the world” events. And to refer to them that way belittles the victims and those living with the PTSD. And unless you’ve suffered the trauma others have, you have no idea what you’re saying or harmful it can be to say “just get over it”. That makes it so much worse for those trying to live with the trauma and recover from it.
When did I say I understand you? When did I assume to know you? When did I ask for your life story?
Never.
You assume that everyone is the same and reacts the same to treatment and trauma. They don’t. What works for one person, doesn’t for another. The triggers, however, are always around. You CAN heal, you CAN cope, you CAN live a full life, but it’s always there. But since you put it out there–YOU do NOT know me, what I’ve been through, and how I live now. I’m a happy person despite the trauma, I live my life fully, I have love, light, and adventure. But there are still triggers, still times when I have panic attacks, when I still struggle from an innocent little touch on the back, or a certain scent.
Just because someone with PTSD still has episodes, and still has triggers, doesn’t make them weak, unhappy, or hiding from life. As both you and LKH are implying.
Your insinuation is that I’m not damaged enough for you, as if it were a contest, and that’s far from my life story, which I would not share with someone as judgmental as you. If I believed that everyone were the same, I would not suggest in each comment that people find what works for them. Selective reading is not working for you. If you aren’t a fan, then why be here? Just to say how awful Hamilton is, and how I don’t understand anything? I didn’t ask for you to explain how awful the AB series is, I love it, but you explained all of your issues anyway. My professionalism flew out the window when you and Tam started hating on everything and calling names. Gloves off. At least I can admit when I’m being a dick and the need for personal validation has stepped in the way of my reason. Now this is completely childish and off topic. Have a great evening.
I’m not being a dick–you are. I NEVER insinuated ANYTHING about you or who you are. I was addressing your comments as being what I viewed them as–YOU judged me.
You obviously didn’t read my post on how I found the blog. And a person doesn’t need to have read ANY of LKH’s book to react/comment to a blog she puts out on the WWW. She popped up in my feed through a retweet–which you’d know if you’d actually read my post.
I never said you weren’t damaged. I never you hadn’t suffered. Quote me where I said that, please. Also quote where I was being a dick to you, please. Please tell me where I said you didn’t understand anything. I pointed out what I know from personally, and what I know about PTSD–you insinuated that everyone can “get over it” and have it never affect them ever again.
“You can choose to find your way toward healing, or you can choose not to. You want your life back? Your power? Then fight for it in whatever way works for you. But don’t expect the world to go soft for your benefit. That’s not how it works. You are responsible for you..”
That quote, from YOU, insinuates that those who suffer from PTSD are weak or are hiding in bubble because they still have triggers. The warnings BEFORE certain shows come on television or telling people what they can expect from lectures…etc, are a way of letting people know what they’re walking into instead of them having an episode in full pubic. What’s wrong with that? Does it somehow stop you from enjoying the movie because now you know there’s violence in it because of the rating you get flashed at the beginning of it?
I did not read your rant. The first sentence told me you weren’t listening. Yes, I said I was a dick, and that the whole thing had become childish. I never called you anything. I don’t feel the need.
I listened. Read. And I NEVER called you a name–you called me one. I NEVER insinuated anything about you. And I certainly am not being childish when stating my opinion.
Where was I childish–point it out. Where was I calling you names before you called me one? Point it out. Where didn’t I listen? Point it out. But as I thought would happen, you’re running away when someone asks for you to quote where you’re getting your facts. I quoted you and gave you my opinion on how it read to me–politely.
I still never called you a name. I’m beginning to consider it. I said at least I can admit when I’m being a dick, that my need for validation has stepped in the way of my reason. Have a good evening. Something to that effect… Never called you anything. How does me admitting that I’m being inappropriate translate into calling you anything?
“At least I can admit when I’m being a dick.”
That’s YOU insinuating that I was also being a dick, and I wasn’t. NEVER once did I insinuate anything about you or your situation. I said everyone reacts different to different traumas: someone in a car wreck is going to have different triggers than someone who was raped, almost murdered, or in a war.
“If it looks like a duck…” is insulting, and suggests the “you’re just not trying hard enough to get over it” mentality.
“Fight for it in whatever way you can,” also suggest that same mentality when you read the whole paragraph together. That those who struggle aren’t fighting hard enough.
That’s how your words read to me and that’s what I commented on. I asked you to point out where I insinuated that you weren’t damaged enough, where I wasn’t listening, and how having trigger warnings included in movies/tv/lectures somehow was making you soft.
You’ve yet to answer.
Actually at least one of my comments states that the healing begins with the effort. I’m not going to start my day with this unhelpful and unhealthy conversation with you. I’m a fan. You are not. You explained how you go into a rage, or something to that effect. If you’re looking for a fight, you won’t be getting it from my. I’m disappointed enough in myself for letting this garbage go on as long as it did last night. This pettiness is not helping anyone on here. You made your anger issues clear from the beginning. It was my bad judgement that allowed me to enter a conversation with you. Now that conversation is over. Have a good day.
There’s a huge difference in having a phobia about say… flying… because you hit turbulence a couple times on a commercial flight and a veteran being triggered by having their plane shot down in battle. Phobia’s are easily conquered by facing your fear—actual real PTSD has no cure, and anyone (be they a licensed therapist or a regular old author) who claims PTSD can be conquered by facing the things that trigger it is acting in an idiotic and criminally negligent manner.
If it’s a licensed therapist giving that advice—file an immediate complaint with your states medical board as well as the State Attorney General’s office.
If it’s someone who has no training whatsoever and is stating their opinion based on limited knowledge and their personal experience in dealing with their PHOBIA? Ignore the special snowflake completely.
Wow, normally I have a lot of respect for you,but this whole post comes off as superior and judgmental. Trigger warnings are (mostly) for the people who are currently in the middle of dealing with issues that they cannot process or deal with emotionally. Sometimes people do need to be coddled. Parents don’t decide when their child takes their first step alone, and you don’t get to dictate whether people are ready to stand alone in the face of the things that trigger them. Triggers aren’t just fears or things that make us sad, they’re things that destroy us so viscerally that we forget how to breathe, to function, to survive. I’m glad you got over whatever it was you were working through, but people heal in different stages and to different degrees. If you don’t want to use trigger warnings, then don’t. But don’t expect everyone to thank you for your best impression of a Peanuts character looking for a nickel.
Maybe we should step back and take a deep cleansing breath here. Consider that PTSD is not the only thing that has triggering events. Phobias do too. Exposure to the things that one has a phobia about can bring one to overcome the fear.
Feeling sooo much better after taking a break from this. And I agree with you Alice, phobias have triggers. And as far as I know, phobia patients are advised to slowly expose themselves to their phobia in order to overcome it. It’s been six years since I was in practice, maybe things have changed, but I believe you’re correct.
Wow. Some pretty serious haters have shown up for this one. Too bad. What started as a fan blog has turned into a ‘you’re not a psychiatrist and unqualified to comment’ on the perspective of a survivor when the original blog post was from a survivor. All this is angst is unnecessary. If the blog offends you stop reading and go some place else. No need to tear things up this way.
Keep blogging Laurel and I’ll keep reading and supporting you. Big Hugs! Don’t let the haters tear you down.
My thoughts as well. She’s an amazing author and I love both the Anita and Merry series. It would be awesome if just fans were on here and not people making threats.
How do you know that people are haters? People have posted because the advice Laurell has given – and it is advice. Not just her experience- is dangerous. I’m not a hater, but the advice posted is worrisome, and it’s as simple as that. It goes against what any professional would tell you.
Sure, it’s fine with fears and things that make you uncomfortable, but triggers in the true sense of the word – real, proper triggers, and even anxiety -, no.
It’s also basically inferring that people who do not face their phobias – because I don’t think Laurell is truly talking about proper triggers – are not strong, are victims, and aren’t living a life, which is awful. I wouldn’t accept even my favourite author saying that. I’d still have to comment.
People tend to comment because they feel passionate about a subject, and don’t want the wrong view – or, at least, not a well thought out one – to be put forward as how things should be done.
Wow. My sincerest apologies. I was not aware that it’s inappropriate to agree with another fan. Or, to state that I enjoy this authors work. What a web of confusion I must be caught in. I thought we were on Laurell K Hamilton’s website.
Comment was to Laurie…
Apologies Anne. Just so you know, a duplicate comment came to my inbox as… In response to Janna. Another one came with same wording but… In response to Laurie, I believe. No snarkiness directed at you if it asked for my response by mistake.
It think disagreeing in a public forum is great, and healthy. Disagreeing is when a person says they disagree and respectfully state why.
Disagreeing becomes hating when the conversation deteriorates into personal attacks and repeating the same position over and over because other readers don’t cave to the argument provided in the disagreement. Then the conversation is no longer stimulating and thought provoking. Instead, the conversation becomes a pointless argument generating negativity. The original conversational point is forgotten, which is exactly what happened here.
People can like something without agreeing with it on every point. In this case, someone can enjoy Laurell’s books but still find this blog problematic because it has the potential to do real harm. That does not make them a “hater,” and they have the right to voice their opinion on the topic. If Laurell didn’t want any feedback, good or bad, there wouldn’t be a comment’s section.
Maybe it would have been more wise to have a disclaimer clearly stating that the blog is just her opinion, and that people should always consult with their licensed medical therapist/practiser first.
That should be practitioner, sorry
This is a good suggestion. Although, I think it is common sense that the author, who to my knowledge, has never claimed any credentials as a practicing medical/mental provider; therefore, is simply stating her opinion. In this day of disclaimers, it is a good idea.
First – Laurell, thank you. I am even more impressed with you, if that were possible.
Now…ugh, I hate getting involved in these bicker-fests but I just can’t keep my mouth shut on this subject. I’ll start with a disclaimer: I’m not any kind of mental health practitioner, nor would I have the patience or tolerance for baloney that profession requires. The following opinions are only that, based only on my personal experience, and are not to be construed as any kind of advice. If you get something out of it, great. If it bothers you, that’s good too – if being bothered makes you think, and more importantly, take action.
What I know is that I went through some ugly things, and I continue to get through the effects of those things by fighting them, not by hiding from them. I’m not going to slap my scaries out on the table to measure against yours. We all have our own issues and they are exactly that…ours. I choose to take ownership of mine. When I run into something new that kicks off an old feeling, it might take me a couple of tries, but I will face it. The thing that drives me is that I couldn’t do anything when the bad things happened. So, now I am going to fight as hard as I bloody can, and take back the power that had been taken from me.
All the psychobabble that was force-fed to me in the past didn’t help me, perhaps because I have seen little or no reason to have any faith in it. Every mental issue I’ve been faced with, I’ve dealt with on my own, from trauma to addiction to unhealthy anger to avoidance behavior and more. I don’t believe everyone can do it that way, and it might even be a bad thing for them to try. We’re not all made of the same stuff, after all.
What works for me is to tough my way through it. I choose to use mental armor, not bubble wrap; metaphorical fists, not kleenex. I demand from myself that I nut up and get through it when I’m faced with an effect of my bad times. I’m not going to refer to those things with any more powerful words than that…they were bad times, I survived (even if barely), and now I get to choose how I continue to live.
Your experience will by definition be different from mine. You might be helped by counseling or therapy. Or, you might be better off looking head-on at the demons spawned from your bad times, staring them down, taking the power back, and leaving them dead in your wake. What I took from Laurell’s words was that she chooses a similar head-on strategy, which I admire greatly.
I guess the only thing I would say that might qualify as advice would be to encourage people to do *something*. Get help, or get up and fight…just get moving.