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I’m sitting here in my office waiting for a phone call from a radio station. ‘Two Johns, no Waiting,” from KMOX 1120AM. Will be doing an interview tonight over the phone.
I’ve been interviewed by them before and they’re great, nice guys, good interviewers. So, why am I anxious as I sit here and wait? I guess it’s the kind of anxiety I always get before an interview. I’m usually fine once we begin, but the waiting is harder. The waiting is full of potential problems. Will the phone call get through on time? I’ve had it where it did not on other stations. Will I get asked something I can’t answer? Sort of like that anxiety dream where you show up to school and there’s a huge test you forgot to study for.
It’s not this interview and these interviewers that I’m nervous about. It’s general nervousness. General will I screw up royally this time. I guess it’s the last vestiges of my early days of being painful shy.
I can almost hear anyone that’s every seen me at a signing, say, “Shy, you’re not shy.”
I’m not shy now, but once I was. So shy that I nearly fainted when I had to get up in front of a class to make a speech. How did I get over it? I was invisible my freshman year of high school. I hid behind books and just tried to keep my head down. Then my sophomore year, I realized that this could be the way my life ran. Being invisible forever. Being unnoticed. Being too afraid to do anything that I wanted to do. At fifteen I decided that I didn’t want to live my life that way. Which meant I had to change my fate, but how?
I was in a speech class that everyone had to take, and that was the beginning of me coming out of my shell. The teacher, Mr. Huber, was also the drama teacher for the school. I joined the Thespian Society and speech team. I forced myself to get up in front of people over and over again. It was terrifying at first, but each time I got up and did it, was a victory. Each victory gave me the courage to be a little less afraid. Until now you can put me in front of an audience of any size and I’m not the least bit scared. In fact I enjoy working the crowd. Enjoy everyone’s reactions. I value getting that laughter, or that gasp, from an audience.
Now plays and speech team didn’t cure me completely. That was continued with being a guest at Science Fiction conventions and being on panels. The first panel I ever sat on my knees shook so badly the table cloth in front of me trembled slightly. Debroah Millitello, a fellow writer and friend, was on that panel, too. I remember looking down that table and seeing her table cloth trembling just a little too. That early shared fear cemented our friendship. We’ve both gotten much braver.
Every panel I sat on; every reading I gave; every question I answered; helped me lose more of my fear. Most actors will tell you that playing a part on stage is much less scary than just being yourself on stage. Hiding behind a part means it’s not really you that the audience hates if it all goes badly. But interviews are just you, being you, and if someone hates you, it’s not a part they’re hating it’s just you.
The calls here. Finish this afterwards.
I’m back. The interview went well. They gave me a great intro, and talked wonderfully about the event tomorrow at the St. Louis Science Center. I’ll be doing the Q and A from six to seven o’clock. Then we’ll move over to the explorer dome to sign stuff. There will be line tickets available starting at 8:00 A. M. tomorrow. I don’t know how many tickets they’re giving out, so it is first come, first served. Once you get your line ticket you can wander off and come back that night. No need to wait around all day. I’m not worth that, though the Science Center is really cool. Marvel’s Science of Super Heroes is very nice, and they have some of our stuff in one of the display rooms. Very cool.
There’s also a Build-A-Dinosaur. It’s from the people who brought you Build-A-Bear, but for the Science Center, it’s dinosaurs. Again, too cool.
We’ll see you guys tomorrow here in St. Louis.