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My birthday was Friday. I’m not a big one for celebrating birthdays. I don’t even usually take the day off, but this year found me exhausted from the fourth book deadline in a row that had kicked my ass. I needed a day off and it turned out to be my birthday, very serendipitous. People asked me what I wanted for presents, and for the first time I realized that nothing I really, truly wanted could come in a box with bows and wrapping paper. What did I really want as a present?

I wanted some time where I wasn’t at my desk working. I was able to take Friday through Sunday off, this weekend, so that’s the first present. Present number two is . . . A month and a half where I’ve only been able to do partial workouts or had to give up the gym all together, combined with eating convenient crap has put some of the inches back on that I worked so hard to take off. It’s also redistributed the weight so things aren’t as comfortable. One of the reasons I hate that people concentrate just on their weight on a scale is that the number on the scale doesn’t actually reflect how fit the body is, or is not. I’ve weighed this much when I was hitting the weight room heavier and it’s all looked trim and firm. The same weight without the exercise and it’s not so trim and firm. So the second thing I wanted was to get back to the gym and get back to the shape I was in, and to get to that next level of fitness that has been my goal from the beginning. It’s typical of me that I try for this difficult fitness goal in the middle of the worst deadlines I’ve had in awhile. *shrug* But I’ve discovered that the exercise helps me make my deadlines with more energy and a better mental and emotional attitude, so it actually turned into excellent timing, besides if I keep waiting for my schedule to get better I’ll never see the gym. So I went to the gym on my birthday. It was an abbreviated workout because Trinity, my daughter, had a recital that night, but just getting to the gym at all was a triumph for the day. I also went to the gym yesterday. If I hit it again today then I’ll have made my three sessions this week. Goal is three to four visits a week to the gym.

So time off, and exercise, was two presents down. Jon, my husband, took care of a third present. Yes, it is what you think it is, but again not something you can buy from the store. Even the meal out for my birthday which we did last night was about going to a favorite restaurant with family and friends and enjoying the night. Again, you can’t put all that into a box. I got some great presents, don’t get me wrong. Got some DVDs I’ve been wanting, flowers, framed original art, and birthday phone calls from distant friends. Oh, and cards, I love cards, and my friends and family know that.

I find it interesting that two out of the three presents I most wanted are things I have to give myself. I have to find time away to refresh and revitalize my muse and me. I have to decide I want that fitter, healthier, body enough to work for it. Admittedly my work out partner and good friend, Carri, is committed to the gym, too, and that helps me stick to it. As for Jon and I, and that other present, even that comes out of the day in, day out, of being a couple and trying to make sure I give him what he needs out of our relationship. A marriage is like a bank the more you put into it, the more interest you get out of it, if you’re married to someone who understands that you both put into the account, and both take out of it, and that the system falls apart completely if only one half of the couple does all the putting in, and the other half all the taking out. It’s a join account or eventually one half of the couple will be writing checks and there will be no emotional or physical “money” left to cover what you need, or want. Jon let me know that I’d been putting in my time, energy, and love this year. One precaution on the whole putting things into the relationship bank, each half of the couple has to put into it what the other half considers good stuff. Example, if the wife wants some help around the house but you buy her flowers, she’ll like the flowers, but she’d rather have the dishes done. Another couple, the spouse could really want the flowers, and be content with the division of housework. You’ve got to know your audience, and give ‘em what they need and want. I know of almost no successful couples who have cleared five years or more of a relationship that want the exact same things from each other, or from the relationship. It’s all about finding out what makes you both happy and both doing your best to make that happen.

As a bonus Trinity and I got to do some serious mother, daughter bonding this morning. She loves the musical Mama Mia! and I love my kid. She is the only person on the planet that could get me to dance around the living room to “Dancing Queen” and doing the chirography with the movie. But again, moments like that can’t be ordered on-line, or wrapped in bows, you’ve just got to be paying attention with the chance comes and make the most out of it. I try to do that every day of the year, not just my birthday.