What Polyamory is, and What Polyamory isn’t 

Apr 01, 2015

 

Since I came out as polyamorous I have been getting a lot of questions, so here’s an attempt to answer some of them.

 

What exactly is polyamory?

 

Ans: It means to love more; to love more people at the same time.  The only rule that all poly people agree on is this: you tell the truth to everyone involved.  That means that everyone involved in the relationship, or relationships, knows about everyone else.  I’ve negotiated with several wives about relationship parameters with their husbands before certain boundaries were crossed because to do any less than be totally upfront beforehand isn’t poly, it’s cheating, and true poly doesn’t cheat.  If anyone is telling you they’re poly but they’re sneaking around behind someone’s back, then it’s not polyamory.

 

Some people allow sexual partners outside of their main relationship but no other emotional ties, others see all relationships as serious only, no just sex allowed.  Some close their poly at three, or four, or however many.   Closed poly is also referred to as poly monogamy which is just like regular monogamy except it includes more than two people. Some people who are part of the BDSM community will include long time play partners as part of their polyamory, even if that play partner is strictly kinky dungeon time with no actual sex involved. Others see play partners as more casual. Many poly people are not part of the bondage community and many in the community aren’t poly.  

 

How do you bring up the topic of poly to your spouse or special person?

 

Ans: I’ve never had to do this, so I honestly don’t know.  I can tell you how Jonathon and I brought up the topic to each other.  Jonathon and I married with the idea that we would not be monogamous as a married couple. Since we’re celebrating our fifteenth wedding anniversary this year, it’s worked for us.  We’ve managed to raise a great kid who’s now in college.  Our empty nest turned into a decidedly full one when our girlfriend of four & a half years moved in with us and brought her husband along, so that our couple became a fourple.  Again, it’s working for the four of us but your mileage may vary. Here’s a little bit of how we got to this happy multiple arrangement.  

 

More than fifteen years ago when Jonathon and I realized we wanted to marry each other, we both had reservations; not about our love for each other, but what the next step was in that love.  He’d never been married before and I’d just gotten out of a sixteen year marriage.  That had convinced me marriage wasn’t for me and monogamy was definitely not something I wanted to try again, but I was in love with Jonathon and he was in love with me.  

 

One day he said, “I’m not sure I want to tie myself down to just one person forever.”  

I replied, “I’m not sure I want to be monogamous with anybody ever again.”

 

We sort of looked at each other, and if we’d gone the traditional route the relationship would have been over right there, because we were both so not ready for a monogamous relationship like traditional American marriage. I suggested that we marry with the possibility of adding other people to our sex life down the road.  We didn’t have a plan for how to do it, and we didn’t know there was a word for what we were trying to accomplish. It was a fan at a signing that first introduced the word, polyamory, to us. We knew monogamy was not what we wanted, so we set out to find something else, something that worked for us as a couple.  

 

I really can’t tell you how to bring up the idea of polyamory into an already existing monogamous  relationship, because I’ve never done it.  

 

One thing I do know is that polyamory isn’t a fix for a marriage that is already in trouble. If you’re relationship is in trouble, go to a marriage counselor, or to your local clergy. Go to someone that can help you work on your issues both as individuals and as a couple, because what I’ve found is that a couple’s issues are usually a mix of individual issues that have never been addressed and problems within the couple itself.  This holds true whether it’s two, four, or more, involved in the relationship.

 

Poly is not a cure all for failing marriages, in fact, if the base relationship isn’t strong enough, poly can be the death knell because often the couple isn’t poly at all, they’re just unhappy.  Poly won’t fix what’s wrong in the initial couple’s relationship, that has to be strong to begin with to add other people into the mix.  Strength builds on top of strength; a weak foundation will bring down the house that’s built upon it, so first your foundation needs to be solid.  Only then can you add more weight, and extra people, extra relationships, are more “weight”.  You have to be ready for that weight, or it will crush you.

 

I’m being so adamant in the above because I get far too many people asking me about poly as a “cure” for a marriage that isn’t working.  People say, they’re bored and want to bring up poly to their spouse so they can add spice to their marriage.  Poly isn’t about adding spice to your relationship, poly is a lifestyle choice.  It is a way of dating, forming a domestic partnership, making a family. It is not just an addition to add to your life like date nights, or lingerie. 

 

 

I know this doesn’t answer all the questions we’ve been getting about polyamory, but I hope it at least answers some of the basic ones.  I also hope that it puts to rest this idea that people have that poly is an easy fix for a flagging relationship, or that poly is some fancy word for cheating on your spouse, because it is the opposite of cheating and it is far from easy.  Think about the time, effort, and work it requires everyday in any marriage, now think about multiplying that by a factor of two, or more, and that’s what polyamory is. Its totally worth it for those of us who are wired this way, but it’s not a choice to be made lightly and there’s nothing easy about adding extra people to any relationship.  Good, solid relationships whether monogamous or polyamorous, are not for wimps.

 The picture is of the joined hands of our foursome; Jonathon, Genevieve, Spike, and me.

  


65 thoughts on “What Polyamory is, and What Polyamory isn’t ”

  4. So glad your Fourple is working out. Now if it could be as easy as you make it look.

  5. Thank you for writing this. I’m not sure how many people that NEED to read it will. My long time partner and I are more swingers than poly but people still do not understand this lifestyle. I think we would be poly if we could find people that we actually click with like that. Finding love in this big bad world is hard enough and finding poly love! You guys are so lucky! I’m happier than you will ever know to see that this works for someone else and may one day work out for us. Many blessings and much happiness!

  6. Ms. Hamilton,

    I am 31 and have read your books for more than a dozen years, I love all of them and pretty much everything about your writing. I have a very good friend who is poly and very happy and i will be sending this blog to her because its fantastic.

    Thank you,
    Crystal

  7. This is beautifully answered and touchingly devoted. Thank you for allowing your fans to understand this and more eloquently respond to questions.

  8. Thank you that explains it a lot. I have tried to explain it to others and they don’t under stand. They don’t understand the BDSM part either. I have gotten to the point where I just tell them that I am involved with something if they have questions I will try to answer. I love my relationship and what we do no one else should matter except who you are involved with. Thank you for you books which show this controversy and have it accepted or at least how the main characters have accepted it. I can’t tell you enough how much your writing has meant to me. Thank you.

  9. I love that you are so open about your relationship and some of the hardships you have faced in evolving into what fits your dynamic best. You made one point that I have said over and over again to friends of mine. Poly is not cheating…if you hide a relationship out of the main relationship, that is cheating. Poly means that you and your partner, for whatever reason, are seeking something that isn’t necessarily missing from your main relationship, but that will enhance it or meets some innate need that the other can’t meet (bi-sexual needs for one). There are things a person needs that the other partner may not be able to provide. As long as this works for you and everyone involved, go for it. I know it can take years to find the one who fits you best and meets most of your needs. Best of luck, love the writing, and you harmony at home shines through in your writing!

    1. Duh, my brain vacated the building for a bit while I was typing. I had said it can take years to find someone who you feel comfortable with and can mesh with. What I intended to follow that up with is, it will take just as long, if not longer to find others who fit your dynamic without making it into a drama. Jealousy has not part in a poly relationship and will undermine the relationship. Open communication is paramount as well as individual time with each other within the dynamic. It takes more work to make this type of relationship a cohesive and happy, healthy relationship!

  10. I’ve recently started dating part of a pre-existing Poly family. Coming from a lifetime of serial monogamy (and a 17 year marriage), I’m learning that there’s definitely a learning curve. But because of their openness and honesty – and because of open and honest bloggers like you… So far it’s working wonderfully! Not that there aren’t ups and downs – but, that’s how relationships work no matter HOW many people are involved. 🙂

  11. I totally get poly, and have quite a few friends in the lifestyle who are poly. Sadly its not something I can do personally. I know myself well enough, and I wouldn’t be secure in my own self. And that is my problem. I have to say your books have helped me understand what its all about, and I thank you for that 🙂

  12. Fantastic synopsis of a very broad topic. Congrats on your coming out and happy home. Some great resources that I’ve found along my way have been http://www.polyamoryweekly.com , http://www.morethantwo.com and solopoly.net .

    I’ve loved all your books and so much of the open sexuality has been a boon in accepting myself in this journey into adulthood. Thanks for doing what you do and standing up IRL.

  13. I was poly with my first husband until he started cheating. I believe in an open relationship and if you have to sneak around or lie about who you’ve been with it’s cheating. I was monogamous with my second husband who claimed to be monogamous but he lied too and cheated on me.
    What am I now? Single. And I’m okay with that.

    1. First of all, i feel like i should apologize. Believe me when i say that not all men are like that and i am sorry that you had to go through those particular situations. I firmly believe that if you learn from those relationships it can make you a much stronger person ! Both my wife and I came together from bad relationships previously. We vowed to one another that we would take from both of those relationships and put them together and learn from and then in turn apply what we learned to our relationship now. I am happy to say that we have been together for over eight years and have not had one fight or other issue since day one. Yes we do have our disagreements at times, but we are open and honest with one another and we have open communication. It is the longest relationship that i have had to date. 🙂

    1. I am sorry that see this as an easy way out in your response to this article. As Mrs Hamilton pointed iut being poly isn’t for everyone just as being mono is noy for everyone . It sounds like to me that maybe your bubble got bursted and you are takinh it out on here . Yes being poly is not easy and it takes a lot of hard work, but for it is worth .
      m

  15. Too jealous for that. Yes u can love lots of people but sex for me kissing and intimacy should be for only one person

  16. My ex-husband used polyamory as the excuse to cheat on me constantly. It wasn’t until recently I discovered what it actually meant. Strangely, it’s because of the end of my marriage that I think traditions monogamy is no longer for me. Thank you for your insights xx

  17. I love the concept of polyamory, however I am far too possessive for it to work. I applaud your emotional maturity and spiritual openness.

  18. Two good sites/podcasts that i have found is

    1. http://polyweekly.com/ with Minx. She has been a very good source of information every week for about 10 years now.

    2. http://www.lifeontheswingset.com/ With Cooper. They talk not only about Polyamory but about many different lifestyle choices.

    Both websites have podcasts that i would highly recommend subscribing too.

  19. Being my wife and I are now involved in our third poly relationship I can say that making it work is a lot of work. Open and honest communication is absolutely essential.

    Our first “real” relationship with another couple was apparently only real for us. Basically after all was said and done it was the complete lack of the ability to communicate with us that has left that as a memory filled with pain. Open and honest communication would have left us as friends if not romantic partners instead of enemy’s.

    Our second was better, more communication and we are still friends. The intention however was the issue and open and honest communication would have fixed that as well.

    So far our third is going well. Because we have open and honest communication. We talk about feelings and issue’s that come up and we do so without fighting.

    Have I mentioned that open and honest communication is essential?

  20. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your willingness to be so open and honest with us, your fans. I’ve learned so much from reading your books(and especially your blogs!).

  21. Not my thing, it goes against all that I believe. I like single monogamus relationships. However, I can appreciate the amount of love that has to be there for it to work, and accept those that prefer poly relationships as their lifestyle. I also agree that it is a relationship and not an excuse to cheat. I think that it is probably a more intense relationship needing more time and effort devoted to it as you have to worry about not one, but two, three, or even more peoples feelings, personalities, needs and wants. I wish you and any others in such relationships happiness and success. I can not see my God not wanting people to be happy. Stick to your guns, which I know you will do, and keep going.

  22. Great post. I am polyamourous but have never been in a relationship with anyone that would be accepting of it. And now I’m in a long term serious relationship with a child involved and it will probably never happen. *sigh* Oh well.

  23. Thank you for posting this. I have recently discovered that I am poly and it is so awesome to have others post about it. I also enjoy your novels very much. Thank you!

  25. WOW! I LOVE this! I have been married and it didn’t go well…I am not ‘made’ for monogamy. It took me a long time to realize that. The ‘definition’ here is the most perfect I have seen in a long time! I think it is just so great how my most FAVORITE author of all time is so honest and open!

  27. Thank you for your post and for being so open. It irks me to no end when people say that poly or swinging is a cure for a failing marriage! Though Im not apart of the lifestyle, I was invited to be a part of it. I ended up turning down the offer because I got a sense that their relationship was having issues but I got to learn a lot about that and other lifestyle choices in the process. Kudos to poly couples, I can barely handle one relationship!

  28. Thank you for writing this it was very well written. Im happy for your fourple. I’m also in a poly family. It’s my husband, myself and another woman. We’ve been in this relationship for 8 years. She lives with us. It’s more than sex for all of us. It’s about emotions, being there for one another for any kind of problems, good and bad. We’re supportive of one another. Like you said it takes a lot of work , communication and trust. Which isn’t always easy. But we make it work. 🙂

  29. I can tell you how to start a conversation in a long term marriage where it wasn’t already negotiated. You’re up front and honest. If your relationship can’t take it, it can’t take the stress of being poly. Other than that, Ms. Hamilton, you covered the whole poly thing very nicely. Also, I’d like to add that the rewards of being in a poly relationship are amazing, and sex is a very tiny part of that for me. It’s extra work, but it’s also extra support and love and people to help pick up kids and give rides to the airport and grab dinner on the way home. It’s simply awesome.

  30. Wow!!! Thanks for this information. If I wasn’t already a huge fan, this would have done it. I have just realized my polyamorous nature. I didn’t even know there was a name for it until a friend told me he was poly. It was like the proverbial light switch. At 53, I’ve finally discovered the “real” me. For the first time in my life, I am truly happy and at peace with myself. I look forward to reading more of your gifts….fiction and non.

  32. I loved your article. It was well written and informative and much of how my friends speak. I have friends that are poly and mono and in various different lifestyles. I am what’s considered celibate after a very messy marriage and divorce. I’ve taken the last few years to find myself and raise my children. Through these last few years, I’ve discovered relationships aren’t for me. I prefer my own company. This isn’t to say I completely isolate myself, but that I don’t need or want another person in my life. That being said, it’s another lifestyle choice that people don’t understand. They assume you’re lonely because you’re alone. People need to realize that your choices are your own. As long as no one gets hurt and that all parties involved are happy that’s what should matter.

  34. My wife and I came out this year. The amount of support we received from friends was staggering. Our roommate knew, but he was only one of a handful. Now, we do not have to keep it secret, and it is a weight off everyone’s back.

  35. I will start by saying that I love your books. First off, what made you decide to share your personal relationship? It is great that you did because I am in a simular marriage except mine is called polygamy. He was married already to his first wife for 14 years when we met, according to the both of them they discussed bringing me in before I had even met them. I have been with them for 15 yrs. According to Shaman tradition I became first wife in tittle because THE first wife choose to step down. Everything between the husband and the wives are taken care by the first wife in regards to everyone being treated fairly and equally. It is a huge responsibility, but I would not change it for the world. I am very happy with our family and as I always say “15 yrs and counting”. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

  36. Hi I’m a poly too going three years now three of us me my boyfriend and another woman who used to be our daughters babysitter we were struggling balancing our jobs and having a child before I couldn’t work at all but our finances were really bad and we needed a second income so I hired a babysitter but then coming home to her became such a pleasure she is the nurturing type and she and I became close as sisters she made our home into a real functioning family and then my boyfriend fell for her too and she ended up moving in with us and we have been together ever since our daughter sees her as a second mom and we all take care of each other and love each other

  37. As usual, a wonderfully written, well-balanced, intelligent, honest, sensitive post! Kudos to you, Ms H, for always being a shining light in the darkness of misunderstanding, prejudice and bigotry we’re seeing grow up around us every day!

  38. I’m poly (though solo) and it was really nice to read this post, thank you for sharing and I really love the imagery of the hands holding each other. <3

  39. I’m not in any of those relationships, I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 16+ years, but I wanted to say thank you for being so open. Bringing awareness to any relationship that society deems “not normal” is soooo important. I praise & envy those who take the steps to show their love no matter public opinion. Who are we to tell anyone whom they should love or how many is acceptable? Love is love. We all deserve it.

  40. I had someone who claim to be bi as my first boyfriend they wanted to be with guy and girl at the same time. I agree if discussed before doing anything then it is not cheating. Things didn’t work, found myself totally strait and that upon thinking about it he may be poly with out realizing it. I get what you guys do i’m just person who only wants one though. They tried to get me to be bi and i will say you are or you aren’t don’t try to force such things on your partner it never works out well. I do not mind knowing there people out there like you guys its what you want and its what you and your spouse agree to. I get it, so gl to the rest of you

  41. It can be easy with the right people. I’m in a poly relationship. They are poly monogamous and I am not, and they are ok with it. I love them and they love me and I have sexcapades with other men/women which they are also ok with. It can be tough sometimes to maintain a balance between everyone. The biggest thing to remember is to alway communicate with your loved ones. If you’re mad at one, don’t take it out on the other, or just give up and say “well I can just find someone else to replace you.” That is not how it works.
    I am currently teaching my female partner and her mate the poly lifestyle and they told me that they would never want to try it with anyone else because people who say they’re poly and run around sleeping with everyone and not being open about it isn’t poly at all.
    I’m honored that they trust me to be in their lives and I know they respect me on the same level I respect and trust them. The same with my husband and my boyfriend. I’ve always been a polyamorous person but was always told that loving more than one person was wrong, or that if you fall in love with someone else while in a monogamous relationship that you fell out of love with the first person. This isn’t true at all for me. I have a big heart and I accept and love easily, and I will never be ashamed of that.
    So thank you, so much, for putting this out there and educating those who are unfamiliar or ignorant about the lifestyle.

  42. A thoughtful dialogue is opened about a misunderstood relationship choice. I recently re-visited The Ethical Slut … one of the best reads I’ve come across in exploring and explaining relationship choices.
    I am not Poly … though I appreciate what it brings to those who are. My best friend is, and I love him dearly. I believe the feeling is reciprocal. There are so many different ways to express our love, especially in the Lifestyle.
    Thank you and Jon for your honesty, and your openness. Enjoy your fourple!

  43. I just want to say, as much as this particular lifestyle i don’t believe is for me at this time, i am glad that there are people like you that are so upfront, honest and happy in it. if someone wants a “cure” for their marriage or relationship, that cure should be honesty, ABOUT EVERYTHING not just what you want to tell the other person, or persons. i am sorry but honestly is the strongest foundation of a relationship that and COMMUNICATION in everything from fantasies you or they may have, or even thoughts or interests. seriously it is hard, but if you love the other person, you will face your fear, and if they really love you they will understand how hard it was for you and how hard it will be for them and know that you will love them no matter what.

  46. Congratulations on your successful Poly Family. I am a part of a 6 person Poly family that has been living together for over 30 years. When we started, we only had the inspiration of Time Enough For Love to go by. We are also, all SF Fans, and still are a part of a club and a long running Con. There are more of us out there than you would imagine, and I think it really great that people are beginning to see this IS an option.
    Keep up the good work, and keep up the Love!

  47. The idea of my husband loving someone else makes me bug-f*%^! I like to flirt here and there to give myself an ego boost, but that’s the end of the road. I wanna know what’s different about Poly people’s brains? How does the brain just turn off the crushing feeling of being left behind? The, “What if he loves her more? What do they do together that’s different from what I do to him? Is she better at sex? Does he think of her when he’s doing me? Does he wish he was with her now when he’s doing me? So, I don’t want a definition of what it is, I would like to know what goes on inside someones head when you see your spouse smiling from ear to ear when he’s about to go down on someone else right in front of your face. I don’t know if I’m just too jealous as a person or if I’m too competitive!

  48. Thank you so much for this! After 17 years, I still find people who just refuse to understand no matter how I explain it. The more people that are open about their version of polyamory, the bigger the discussion becomes and the easier it is for all of us.

  49. Hi,
    We have recently opened our monogamous relationship up to polyamory after 9 years.
    I have to say it has not been an easy move – my self-esteem suffered a lot at the start and it’s taken me a long time to understand that being with other people does not detract from an existing relationship. Despite the teething problems though, ultimately I think the decision is making us stronger (happily we had a strong relationship to start with) and we are still finding the “style” of polyamory that works best for us. At the moment we are part of a V, where my partner is seeing another girl (who I know and like) as well as me. We don’t date as a three but we spend time together as friends outside of their time together.
    Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for posting, its great to hear of other people taking similar decisions and going through similar situations. I really recommend the book “More than two” for anyone considering polyamory, discovering it for the first time or introducing a new or existing partner to it. It gives excellent insight from multiple backgrounds and points of view.
    Good luck to everyone 🙂

  50. Thank you for writing this. It explained so much and answered many questions. This had been something I had wondered about, having seen references to this in not only in your amazing books but also in a couple tv shows. It made sense to me as you can love more then one person and more then one person can love you.

  51. Please delete my posts. I would ask you to email with me about what I’ve asked but I can not jeopardize my husbands job prospects on a search because of my questions. Please and thank you.

  52. I’m not naturally poly, and have been doing it for 6 plus months now. It’s enough to convince me that’s it not really q choice, it’s more like sexuality. I can love multiple people, but I can’t share the person I want to spend my life with with other people.

    Also, dating multiple people is the most exhausting thing I’ve ever encountered. I can’t do it forever because I throw myself fully into any relationship I have. Kudos to anyone who can do it, I say.

  53. Thanks for posting this blog. So many people don’t understand that poly or BDSM isn’t something you use to refresh a marriage or fix a marriage. If the partnership isn’t healthy it is impossible to achieve the degree of honesty needed to keep it sane or safe. Brightest Blessings.

  54. I am not a regular on your website I just check every few months to see if a new book is expected to come out soon. I’m only 20 and I kinda seclude myself. For the past few years I have been in a depressed state of mind but over the past 7 months or so I have been fighting hard to bring myself out of it. Until recently I didn’t even admit it to myself that am depressed or was or whatever i am now, but I have gotten better. I know this doesn’t seem like it has anything to do with your post but it does so please bare with me. The first time I read one of your books it was about two years ago and it was the book “Flirt”.Then I found all of your Anita Blake books and read them one book a day until I had read them all. I have read all types of romance books, historical, contemporary, paranormal, erotica, hetero and non-hetero since I was thirteen. But your book “Flirt” shocked me beyond what I thought was possible to shock me anymore at least in a book. “Flirt” was the first romance book(yes I know it is more than just a romance book but still) I read that contained a relationship with more than two people in it that wasn’t pure erotica so I just HAD to go back and read the series from the beginning it fascinated me and it still does. I can’t wait to see where you will take it next because it is such a good series that I can’t ever see it ending though logically i know it will have to. I rarely re-read a series because I can usually remember what happens in a book and I find that I can’t lose myself in a book if I know what is going to happen but your series is one of the only of two series that I enjoy reading again and again. Usually in a paranormal book it’s the paranormal part that fascinates me the most but in this series it is the relationships and how Anita grew during them that have me fascinated. She went from a god fearing Catholic virgin-like girl to a god trusting woman. She trusted that god didn’t care about the small stuff like who she should and should’t have sex with and how many. What my point is( i know i kind of rambled) is that this series opened me up to the possibility of a relationship that contains more than one person and the possible problems that it would come with. I have not explored that option yet, I have a problem finding one person as it is, but it does interest me.
    P.S. Your series gave me insight in naming some of the thoughts going on in my head and helped me come to the conclusion that I need to do what makes ME happy (even if it’s moment by moment) and not worry about what everyone around me thinks I should be doing instead. So thank you 🙂

  55. Sometimes a bad, or even just not-so-good relationship opens our eyes to what we truly want or need. I’m happy for people who know what love really is and accept it in whatever form it happens to come in. A single person happy to be alone is perfect. A couple happy to be a couple is perfect. A trio happy to be a trio is perfect. A fourple (love the term) happy to be a fourple is perfect. Even a slut is perfect if he or she is happy to be a slut. (I know it’s a horrible term, but I’m not sure how else to use a single word to describe someone who bounces from bed to bed without a care in the world. Not judging because if they and their partner of the moment is happy it’s still perfect.)

    The biggest thing that I’ve gotten from this post is that open and honest communication is needed for any relationship to work. I think that’s true but it’s not all of it. Many people describe love as caring more for someone else more than yourself. For any relationship to work everybody involved has to feel that way. For any relationship to fail there’s a breakdown, whether it’s selfishness or jealousy, pride or fear. Trust once broken is so difficult to rebuild.

    I know now who and what I am. It took me years to admit to myself that no one person would ever fill all my needs and that I would never fill all of one other person’s needs either. I’m alone and will probably continue to be alone until the day I die. Part of that is where I live and part of that is my own personal issues where my faith and trust in others has been trashed. None of my past relationships have made me happy.

    Seeing other people in successful and happy relationships with any number of people is validation to me. Just because I’ve never been there doesn’t mean it’s not possible. Maybe I’m just a romantic at heart. I still get misty eyed when I see people in love being loving. I may not have that but it gives me hope that someday humanity will actually live up to its potential. Get rid of the hate, jealousy, and fear in relationships and all things are possible.

    1. Renae, I found your comments resounded with a great deal of truth for me.

      I think of each of us as unique individuals. We each love, and have the capacity to love, in different ways. Honesty, and open communication IS the foundation for all healthy relationships. It is the lack of these attributes that leads to the breakdown of that relationship, whether it be monogamous or polyamourous.

      I’m serial monogamous, though I don’t really believe in labels. That best describes where I am at in my journey…at the given moment. I do however, believe it is possible for me to love more than one person at a time, I just haven’t been with another person that this is how they feel or what they choose.

      I have three children, I love them each intensely. Every time I had a child I was amazed at the capacity of my heart to grow and expand with love for another. I have no doubt that all forms of love work this way. And I certainly cannot fault those that desire to share their abundance of love with more than one person.

      Acceptance of ourselves often leads to acceptance and non-judgement of others. I too am single (at least for the moment), though blessed with many loving relationships through family and friends. A dear friend of mine has recently entered a poly relationship, and like you I appreciate the love that I see between those individuals.

      Thank you for sharing.

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