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I tried to download a song form iTunes yesterday. It hung up and I couldn’t get it to work. I had to ask my husband, Jon, for help. He is the IT guy for our little enterprise so it made sense to call him. My assistant and good friend, Carri, was in the office and she, too, is more technically proficient than I am. So, they put their techie heads together to help me get my iTunes back up and running. All good, right? Well, yes.

But what song was I trying to download when iTunes locked up? “Sexy Bitch” featuring Akon. Yep, if I’d been downloading Bach cello concertos it wouldn’t have locked up. It only seems to lock up when I’m downing loading things that make me want to say, “But I can explain.”

Maybe it’s a hint that I should either stop downloading songs like “Yummy Down on This,” by The Bloodhound Gang, or just own up to the fact that I love these kinds of songs. So, I’ve decided to ‘fess up as publicly as possible that I love songs that make most people look at me sideways. My favorite song from the latest Nickelback album is “S.E.X.”. I love Korn’s song, “10 or a 2 way.” Jon actually had purchased The Bloodhound Gang’s album, Hurray for Boobies, but he was embarrassed by it, and found it a little harsh. He let me listen to it so I’d understand and I loved most of it. Admittedly, the song, “The Lap Dance is Better when the Stripper is Crying,” will make you debate if you are a truly good person if you like the song. But the rest of the songs are just fun, though as ring tones, you better hope the opening riffs take up that 30 seconds, or that you can get to your phone really, really fast. Otherwise mothers with small children will look at you in horror. It seems especially upsetting to them because I look so small, female, and one of them. Even dressing Goth doesn’t seem to clue them in. I was once mistaken for a seating hostess at a restaurant where the waitresses wear checked gingham-esque aprons. I was wearing a black t-shirt that read, “Don’t Piss me off, I’m running out of Places to Hide the Bodies.” These songs rip away my suburban cammaflouge and let them know that the enemy is among them, and that I will take their kids side on the debate about music. Why the music makes them look askance, but the t-shirt didn’t, I have no idea. It’s not like I try to pretend I’m something I’m not.

But I admit, that when Jon asked me yesterday what I’d been trying to download when it locked up, I had a moment of debate with myself. A moment of not wanting to own the song I was downloading, then I thought, what the hell, I like the song. I squared my shoulders, looked both him and Carri in the eyes and said, “Sexy Bitch, the cover featuring Akon.”

Carri grinned at me. Jon smiled. They exchanged a look between them and then Jon helped me go back to the song, and download it. I have played it twice already this morning. I likes it.