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My mood went really dark yesterday. By the end of the day I was left puzzling over what went wrong inside my head, or emotions, or whatever to cause all that blah. So I went over my day, trying to figure out where I lost the thread of it all. Okay, so the morning didn’t start out great. Jon woke at 5:00 AM not feeling well. He got better during the day, we’ve just both learned there are things we can’t eat, or rather we can, but we’ll regret it later. So cross another food off his list.

By the time I got Jon settled back asleep it was time to get up and I had to have a bath. I just couldn’t jump into the day without it. It was another contortionist bath because of the tattoo, and Jon actually being asleep so he couldn’t help me tape Saran wrap on over the tat. Yes, I know it should have been fine for a shower, but I’m nothing if not cautious. I was soooo not risking messing up the tattoo. I do not want to have to repeat it because I screw it up. By that time it was late enough that I was past my usual down to the kitchen start the day time. That is one of my hot buttons. I do not react well to my schedule being messed with, I’ve had to learn to be okay with it and I’m getting better. In fact, I was calm, cool and actually got to my desk by 9-something. Only a little behind schedule. Okay I wasn’t calm because I had to meditate to find my calm. I did, and felt better, in time to take a call from one of my best friends. He’d had a crisis, and it was a real one, no jokes, no pretend. I don’t normally take phone calls during work hours, but something in his voice let me know it was important. I’m glad I took the call and don’t begrudge one minute of the hour and change of the call. But by then it was 11:00.

We’d been trying to have lunch with Charles all week. But first we, then he, had had things come up and other people change plans on us, so we’d finally gotten it down to 11:30 on Friday. Well, it was Friday and I couldn’t say to him, "I’ve had such a disrupted morning, I need to work instead." I mean I guess I could, but during summer when his kids and ours are out of school we see a lot less of Charles. It had been ages since we’d gotten together with him, so I was not cancelling. He was running late which seemed to be just the rule of the day, but finally . . . He came, we all went to lunch and it was good. It’s always fun to talk to him, and we fall into that pattern of banter and sharing that we built touring together, so it’s always good. though, Carri and I kept falling into talking about business, just hazards of a week day lunch among co-workers. I tried to behave myself, but I did have her make some notes for things to do when we got back to the offices. Me, I had to go back to writing, but I am learning to delagate. It’s a good thing.

Charles had to leave straight from lunch to go for Indianapolis for a drifting event. He had his car loaded on a trailer and ready to go in the parking lot. It was one of the things that had made him a little late for lunch, but again, we’d wanted to see each other so he’d made time to have lunch with us then do his long event. It’s all about compromise. We hugged him good-bye and went back to work.

But, Jon and I had an appointment at Jenny Craig. We’d fallen off the wagon, and gone back on strict eating schedule and it wasn’t working. We’d actually gained weight. The only change from the first time we went on Jenny was that we were doing semi-serious weight lifting. I would say serious but I have to change the weights back at the gym from some of the male weight lifters and Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that’s some serious weight lifting. I’m both impressed and intimidated by someone who can press more than my body weight. Eek. The Jenny Craig rep told us that we needed more protein and more calories on the day’s we were weight lifting. That of course with that level of physical activity we needed more food to keep from being constantly hungry. We’d already cheated at lunch and Jon and I had had almost nothing but protien. We felt much better, not hungry, and this morning we woke up without that gnawing feeling in our gut. We also lost weight just by adding extra protien. More calories equals weight loss if it’s the right calories. So, happier with the meal plan and off we go back home, but by that time it was almost 4:00.

I’m sorry if it’s much after 3:00 in the afternoon I’m tired. I’m ready for afternoon tea or something. The book that I’d written 11 pages on the day before was completely cold on the page. I was frustrated, my deadline was getting ever closer and I was working on not getting angry. Angry at nothing and everthing. I called Carri and asked, "Gym now?" She said sure, her partner Pili was already here planting. Did I mention she landscapes among other talents? She’s an artist in everything she does, even gardening, which is both interesting and visual very cool. Our back yard has never looked so good.

We went to the gym and we lifted. About the time that I was sweating enough to need to wipe sweat off the machine for the next person to use, I was starting to feel better. I lifted as much weight as I could and still do three reps per exercise. I live so far inside my head that I find sometimes the only thing that’s going to help is to do something intensely physical. It just seems to break something loose, and the black mood evaporates on a sheen of sweat, and sheer muscled effort. I felt better and the three of us got that second upper body workout that we missed on Wednesday due to lack of planning and enthusiasm.

I didn’t regret taking care of my sick husband (who woke up feeling much better and is fine now; more vegetables damn it), nor did I regret talking to my good friend and doing the guy version of the girl talk (guys do talk about their emotions and shit, it just takes a lot to get them there, and you have to be guy enough and girl enough to get it), lunch with Charles no regrets there (good luck in Indy, Charles), Jenny Craig we so needed that pep talk and the extra calories, so can’t regret that, that brings us to the gym and I so needed that. So, I didn’t regret anything I’d done that day, but I didn’t have any pages either. I did regret that.

But this morning I woke up and realized that the paragraph I’d done yesterday was wrong. I’m erasing the paragraph and just jumping into the interrogation scene. I don’t need to explain, the last chapter sets everything up for the reader. Yes, a police interrogation scene in a Merry book. DIVINE MISDEMEANORS is kicking my butt more than most of my books by simply forcing me to think before I choose a direction, if I bull my way ahead I end up having to throw out the pages later. No, I don’t have time in my schedule to waste a day, but my muse apparently needs more time to think on some scenes and that’s just the rhythm of the book. It’s a little irritating, but I’ve made notes this morning and I’ve finally been quiet long enough and away from desk long enough for my muse to whisper down my fingers and let me know that I was taking another wrong turn. Today I have my directions in hand clearly written down, so off to work I go. Oh, and where was Trinity during all of yesterday off having a special father/daughter day with her father. She had a great time and missed all my moody mishagas.