You be you, Boo-boo, and I’ll be me.

Dec 27, 2018

I tried to be jollier than I actually felt for the family holiday get-together. I had these candy cane tights that Genevieve had helped me find; I used to love Christmas the way she loves Halloween, but even at my most ho-ho-ho, I never dressed in the bold colors of the season. I’ve owned one Christmas Sweater in my life and it was a gift. But I had these tights so I put them on and then I had a red skirt and a red shirt and even red laces in my boots. I looked very festive, but the more I passed a mirror the less like me I looked. Who was this person dressed all in bright red with candy canes on their legs? It was jarring every time I caught a glimpse of myself, like seeing a stranger when you were expecting to just see yourself.

I tried to keep the outfit on until the family arrived, and I made it for the first guests that arrived a little early, but by that time I was so unhappy that I excused myself and went up to change. I tried just changing red skirt for black, the boots were black so it still matched. I looked in the mirror and it was a relief to see less color and more black, some tension eased in my shoulders that had been growing all day. But it still wasn’t enough, I still didn’t feel like me, so I got out a black shirt with white lettering that says, “I’m only here because I heard Santa’s elves would be here.” There are red and green elf hats at the bottom of the shirt, but other than that it’s black. I put that on and suddenly there was enough black to balance out the bright blue, red, and green of the candy cane tights. This I could manage.

I went back downstairs to greet more guests still looking festive, but when I caught glimpses of myself in the mirrors it still looked like me. I was much happier and the evening went well. It was a good holiday with everyone, but to enjoy it I had to be me. That’s my bit of wisdom to share today, be yourself. If you are a Who down in Whoville that wants to decorate the house from top to bottom including a Santa Claus Hat with a bell on it for yourself and an apron covered in gingerbread men then go for it; be happy! But if you’re more Grinch, or Goth, then honor that. Find a black t-shirt with a funny, but non-insulting holiday image on it ( I say non-insulting if you’re going to be around family or friends that are more Whoville than you are. Let’s not start the family brawl if we can avoid it.) On the other hand, my fellow Goths do not let The Who’s pressure you into dressing like they do, unless you want to do it. Do not let them put you in something that makes you feel like a stranger to yourself, as if the body snatchers have come and whisked you away. Be yourself, especially during the holidays. It’s stressful enough without feeling like you’re wearing someone else’s clothes. And for you happy Who’s don’t get mad at your Grinch or Goth, if they want to wear black even on Christmas Day. It’s who they are and you love them, right?

So let’s avoid the Christmas wars this year and everyone be themselves. Be the happiest most you version of yourself this year and remember to honor the people you love and their level of Christmas cheer. If you are a Who, allow the family Goths to wear black, or at least don’t force them to wear that bright sweater with the glowing reindeer on it. If you’re a Grinch, don’t suck the happiness out of your family Who’s by behaving as if just sitting down to dinner with all of them is torture worthy of the Spanish Inquisition. Also, no sullenness or whining unless you’re under ten and need a nap. Sullenness and whining sucks the crunchy goodness out of everyone’s holiday no matter what side of Santa’s list you’re on.

So happy holidays, everyone! May you Who’s enjoy the season, the whole shiny package! May you Grinch’s find something to enjoy in between all this crass commercialism! May you Goths find a black shirt that celebrates the season just enough to keep the rest of the family from shoving you into an ugly holiday sweater! May those of you who love the big family and friends dinners have all the happy togetherness and great food you want! May those of you who think that Christmas should be spent alone reading by a fire with not a mouse stirring find your peaceful haven! Whatever the holidays mean to you, whatever will bring you the most joy, the most peace, the most contentment may you find it for the holidays and all the rest of the new year.

19 thoughts on “You be you, Boo-boo, and I’ll be me.”

  2. Thank you for reminding me it’s okay to be me always. It means more than words to have someone remind you occasionally, especially with the pressures of family.

  6. I had a bit of an off holiday season. My housemate had to poor her poor kitty down because she was old and had renal failure. That was the Monday after Thanksgiving and it’s been up and down since then.The relationship with my housemate among other things was real rocky and we’ve had arguments here and there so I needed to skip the Christmas Eve dinner in order to gather myself and think things through a bit. We talked before Christmas Day and finally repaired what was needed to be fixed between us so despite all of the sad things that happened, my Christmas ended on a good note.

  7. More of a Goth here but my mood varies. Some days I can be and am comfortable being the most Cindy Lu Who down in Whoville. Other days, well the Grinch suits me just fine. This year was more low key and Grinch but that’s ok. Happy Holidays and Blessed Yule to you and yours!

  8. Hello,
    Love you’re posts and I’ve read all merry and Anita books. I also love to follow along in your blog but the black background with white letters just screws up my eyes and gives me a wicked headache. Can’t read much at a time. Is there any way (hope) that this blog could be changed to white background and black letters instead? Thanks for listening.
    Dedicated reader & buyer of books,
    Amber from Arkansas

  9. Very well said ? Hoping you had a wonderful Christmas & wishing you and yours a very Happy 2019 ? Thank you, again, for sharing your Muses and bits of your life with us ??

  10. This. Hits my feels. I used to feel so uncomfortable getting all dressed up “in case someone might stop by” clothes. Then I decided, they’re coming to see me. Not my clothes, not my clean/dirty house, me. I like me. I like wearing comfortable clothes that let me breathe. I like telling my friends to come over and to dress casual because I’m going to be in sweatpants so I can eat all I want ?. It works. Thank you for sharing that even popular novelists also feel self-conscious. ?

  11. I love this post. My Honey is a Grinch who hates all of the “ give me, give me, I want, I want” and “me first” mentality of the season and I am a Who, who puts a tree in every room. He is okay with me going nuts but I try to keep him in mind and have also made it clear that if he needs me to change anything he just needs to ask. Next year he has said we are adding a Krumpus and Santa Clause to the front yard with their story.

    Never try to change to make others happy. If they love you they won’t be happy seeing you uncomfortable.

  15. I’m heading to a second family holiday this Saturday – Yule w/ my brother’s family. I’m considering my outfit like a warrior choosing their armour! Leggings for comfort or jeans for riability, structure, and stability? Holiday shirt? Sweater? Layers?
    Looking down or looking in the mirror and recognizing yourself can be such a boon when dealing with stressful family or social situations. I’m glad you were able to be you and also glad you found a way to balance those candy cane tights!

  16. Its so refreshing to find someone who doesn’t feel the need to make everything “jolly&bright”. I’ve never enjoyed the bright colors and the overly happy atmosphere that people create.
    I have struggled for many years getting the tree up and decorated prior to Christmas Eve and it’s typically taken back down Christmas evening. Two years ago my sweet husband bought us a black Christmas tree. It helps add a bit of me to the holiday decor (which is minimal).
    I hope the New Year finds you healthy and as happy as you care to be.

  18. I love your wreath! It’s the best thing I’ve seen since the Christmas dragons. My housemate is really down on the commercialism of Christmas and wants to cancel it. I’m in a new town with no friends and my depression and anxiety overwhelming me so between the two of us the mood was basically FUCK CHRISTMAS!

  19. I found Nightmare Before Christmas is a wonderful bridge between the Whos and the Goths. Dark enough to not be saccharine, festive enough to not be Grynchy and still creepy but without scaring the children ?

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